Excommunication

By Ewan

Thu, 15 May 2008
  • 2628 reads
5 comments
 

Since communication broke down,
I’ve been wondering if
you’re ignoring me, or
I’m ignoring you, for
the simple reason I
think you want me to.

And before the silence:
the static of mistranslation,
blurred meanings.
You spoke of mistakes made:
I talked in circles,
my words rebounding off
the language barrier.

And we didn’t have the words
to tell the story clear,
I mentioned all the wrong ones
up to - and including - fear.
I said the word for shame
and meant guilt although
I’m not a catholic.

Certificate U
Lovers, Liars and Just Good Friends.
Love

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on
Very good. Particularly liked 'I mentioned all the wrong ones up to - and including - fear'. I understand why you said 'I'm not a catholic', but it was (maybe as a last line?) something that tripped me up at the end. I'm not sure why - rhythm, missing a syllable or something. 'I was never a good catholic' perhaps....not even sure that quite works.

 

Submitted by Ewan on
Yes, I understand what you're saying. However, I do like that kind of down beat ending where you leave the count short; sort of like changing unexpectedly to a minor key - if that's not too confusing. I did think of 'of course, I'm not a catholic' although I do tend to use these type of empty words to fill (groan) syllable counts a little too often. Another nearly poem, as so many are. regards Ewan

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by onemorething on
Ah I see...not confusing at all. I suppose I don't see them as empty words if they rattle me gently to the end, but I take your point about creating an unexpected change in rhythm.

 

Submitted by jennifer on
This phrase: 'the language barrier' is so true - I have also written about it with regards the generation gap and it also applies to relationships of most kinds, as you have explored here! This poem exactly summed up the 'break up months conversations' between my ex and I. I could not have put it better.

 

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
This ia great poem and I'm glad I found out, there's a painful realization about the short commings of communication. Great stuff