"Here It Isn't"

There it isn’t. You know , that I D E A that is just in the corner of your mind,
behind a shopping list or that other list. Of friends you used to
have that maybe you ought to have apologised to years ago. Sometimes,
I think if people bumped into themselves from 30 years ago they
wouldn’t like themselves much. That’s not much of an idea anyway,
is it? I know for a fact I wouldn’t have listened to me if I had
ever gone back 30 years to give myself advice, friendly or otherwise.
Tense use is important there. I mean I’m never going to go back,
am I? We get one go, this is it Butch or Sundance, depending on how
you see yourself, that is.

There, look, first stop, stumble, obstacle (BLOCK! don’t say block, don’t say block
– especially not with that other word). Yes, that’s the one, the
one you secretly think you’re not. I don’t have imposter
syndrome, I don’t. I’d have to be one, one of those words that
goes as a possessive with that other word beginning with ‘b’ up
there. Fewer words every day. Less material, less inspired. Yes, I
see you’ve noticed that. I watched your cursor head up to that
right hand corner with the little x which doesn’t mean a kiss but
is a kind of goodbye.

See that’s the trouble with this streamofconsciousnessshit, Jack, Bill and Neal, it needs a good editor and not just your friends. You sit down and pour it out but
sometimes you look on the page and you don’t recognise ‘it’.
Worse still it doesn’t recognise you – or even me.

So yeah, there it isn’t. Or if you like “Here It Isn’t”.