D-Never forget Earth's great old traditions, espec

Never forget Earth's great old traditions, especially when it's
early spring on the Residian belt.

Mining for ore on the Residian belt was not the best job to have in the
Universe, the region's fifteen planets were in the main hostile to
foreigner or neighbour, this included everything from the atmosphere
down to tiniest shrub, no life wasn't good here but the profits were,
only problem was getting them back home safely.

The convoy was now made up of four space destroyers and eight space
Trawlers, the previous week it had been six and twelve, the reduction
in numbers was caused by something not seen here for some time,
resistance from the dominant species of the region, the Lsoth a
ferocious Lizard like race, technically inferior but a threat none the
less. A squadron of 12 their suicide cruisers had taken out six of
Commander Hal Escobar's fleet off the planet Valhi.

He was in a restrained but furious mood as he stood on the bridge of
the Destroyer U.S.S Troy with his trusty but nervous lieutenant a pace
behind to his side. Before him the six coloured moons of Zal orbited
the host planet.

"This is undoubtedly the most beautiful view I will ever see in my life
time lieutenant." He turned to his nervous sidekick. "How about
you?"

"Yes sir I would agree sir,it's a spectacular vista, and if it wasn't
for the other factors in this region I would recommend everybody visit
sir."

"You would, would you?" Swarthy, Hispanic and noble the Commander
stiffened and stared his 2nd in command down, then paused a lifetime
lasting second. "Why?"

Renkin was startled. " Well sir I think most people like to have a
better than 50\% chance of surviving their vacation." This was the
Wrong answer.

Escobar continued to stare at him with the familiar granite expression
Renkin had grown to fear, a look that where mood could be either mirth
or psychopathic.

"No Mr Renkin I want to know what happened last week off the planet
Valhi, your career change to Travel Agent might be a good option for
you to consider once you return to Earth. For the time being Mr Renkin
getting our Asses out of here and home in one piece dominates my
thinking, I do apologise if this idea clashes with your
thoughts."

" Yes sir, you would like a tactical analysis I take it sir?"

The commander nodded." That would be appreciated lieutenant, tell me
how we stand."

" At the moment we have twelve surviving ships, all have sustained
damage at one level or another, of our destroyers the Hamilton is
giving us the most concern, it needs to be docked at a space station
sooner rather than later, the Judah and Coltrane are ok, the Troy is in
the best condition of the four."

"Thank you Lieutenant, now the Hamilton, It's chances of surviving
another attack similar to last weeks your thoughts please."

"In my opinion sir I would only give the Hamilton a 30\% chance of
survival, in fact we're going have to consider asking Captain Eisenman
and his fleet of trawlers to be more pro-active when the Lsoth attack
again."

Escobar eyes lit as they glided up the tiny bookish frame of his
lieutenant, surprised at his timid subordinates confident prediction,
Escobar was old school and his thirst for battle was always there, he
felt a need to retaliate for last week, the desire would be satisfied
if the Lizards made his mind up for him.

"And what of our good Captain, how is he and his fleet of garbage
sculls, I imagine he's a little vexed at his dissipating
profits?"

"Yes Sir, he would urgently like to discuss that with you sir, the
remainder of his fleet are undamaged, his trawlers have most of the
survivors, he thinks it's time to relocate some of them more evenly
amongst the remaining ships."

"No doubt he would, no doubt he would, but I'm afraid he'll have to
wait, we have to decide our strategy, if you would Mr Renkin continue
because I'm confused."

"Confused Sir?"

"Yes in truth I'm more than confused I'm a little concerned, correct me
if I'm wrong Renkin but the retribution we handed out last time for
this kind of attack was to say the least severe."

"That is correct Sir." Severe from Escobar's lips? This guy thought the
five-year war for the planet Thados was a skirmish; Renkin could begin
to believe anything could happen now. " If you recall Sir the Leviathan
class U.S.S Hightower was instructed to obliterate the Lsoth home
planet."

"Yah! I do remember, the planet Srin if I recall. So knowing this
Lieutenant why do twelve suicide cruisers of the Imperial Lsoth fleet
attack us last week, when both sides know there is only going to be one
final outcome?"

Renkin was thinking this too. The Commander was not a man who was known
for diplomacy, more the old age eye for eye type, or more accurately
for every man who died last week it was likely the population of a
Country would suffer the same on the new Lsoth home world of
Horth.

"I'm not sure if this is an answer sir, but there is a possibility that
Rebel forces were responsible for the attack last week. The Lsoth have
an almost racist caste hierarchy, the former home planet Srin was
predominantly populated by the Tseth caste, it's destruction has now
almost balanced the numbers of the various caste's in the region, two
other caste's now also fight for dominance, the Threth and the Hreth,
they violently oppose Horth as the new home world, again predominantly
a Tseth stronghold, this could be a tactic by either the Threth or the
Hreth to undermine the Tseth as the dominant caste in the
region."

"An internal civil war, sacrificing one's own kind for selfish benefit.
A ruthless and Interesting theory, but I just think there's another
possibility I think we are their mutual enemy, so I just wonder if our
Lizard friends know something we don't."

"What could they possibly know sir?"

"That's what I intend to find that out Lieutenant, first Call up our
base at Santoris, I believe they have a new Leviathan class ship there
the U.S.S Monroe, time it cleaned out it's pipes by paying us a
visit."

"Yes sir, then shall I ask for any news sir, anything that appears to
be out of the ordinary?"

"Yes you may Lieutenant, find out anything you can, and while you're in
a communicating mood ask Major Alvarez if she wouldn't mind joining me
on the bridge."

******************************************************************************************

Less than a month before on the Lsoth home world of Horth the tension
was electric, like the still before a great storm, the inhabitants
sensed that something momentous was about to happen, something that
would change the balance of power in the quadrant forever. In the main
Council chamber of the Capital city of Vrath Praetor Shrell looked
anxiously at his over- confident messenger.

"You are absolutely sure your information is correct Captain Shrath,
you obviously realise the implications if it proves to be inaccurate?"
He asked anxiously.

"Yes Praetor I understand the implications entirely, but it is my
honour to present irrefutable evidence, that the Human home world has
been vanquished by a force even greater than they."

Praetor Shrell shifted excitedly in his chair, eyes glistening with a
black-hungered revenge, his home planet of Srin and family were now no
more than fragments of dust littering the Universe victim's of the most
dreadful crime, to be the one to pay back the humans for what they had
done, wouldn't just right a wrong it might just bring back stability
and Tseth power to the region.

"I want to taste Human Flesh Captain, I want to taste it so badly, my
blood tingles as if fire ants dance on my veins, your evidence I hope
for your sake it is complete."

His Captain looked at his superior proudly " I have in my possession a
visual recording of a distraught human child's message, a message
intended for its Father a worker on their Mining Fleet currently en
route to the plane Valhi, in it he describes the invasion of their home
planet by a race known as "The Tarifspril".Sire they are a force so
great that even the humans cannot resist them, the child begs his
parent not to return, for Earth is about to suffer a bloody and
destructive end. Praetor I believe this invasion has been taking place
for sometime, and that the humans have intercepted all messages to our
guests so as not to alarm them,but this message was on such a low
bandwidth it bypassed all their security protocols, until it was
intercepted on their base at Santoris. My spies there tell me that the
two Leviathans stationed there, the Monroe and the Payne are now on
their way back to their home planet to try and help repel the invaders,
in ten days they will reach the Wormgate at Regelen5, once they enter
the gate they cannot change course, we will have at least a year before
or if they return. Praetor there has never been a better time to
attack, if we do so now I believe we will be rid of the Humans forever,
I urge you to act now."

Praetor Shrell was hoping for better, a child's message was not the
exciting news he was expecting, the only act he was thinking of now was
to skin his most reliable and brilliant Captain alive, only his
impeccable record and the Praetors bloodlust for this message to be
true saved his subordinate for the time being.

"Captain my patience is now strained, so strained that the contents of
that message is now the thread on which your life depends, play the
message."

The Captain nodded shocked and disappointed, he'd thought this
information would be better received. He took a disc from its square
receptacle and placed it in the consoles indented slot in front of the
large oval screen and then prayed quietly to whom ever Lizards
pray.

******************************************************************************************

Major Catalina Alvarez stood on the Bridge looking out at the six
coloured moons orbiting the host planet of Zal; behind her Commander
Escobar's eyes traced her willowy outline just like an Eagle lining up
it's prey, it was an unwelcome look that Alvarez felt a thousand times
a day on board the U.S.S Troy. With a thousand males to every fifty
women, she was used to it, she just didn't like it, she didn't like it
all.

"Are you enjoying the view Commander?" She asked stonily.

"It's a view even an old war dog like me can appreciate, and today for
some reason it seems to have enhanced a thousand fold." He stepped
forward almost pushing into her back, his hot breath sliding down her
neck tingling all the way to the base of her spine. She tried to subdue
a gentle shudder.

"Well, well I would never have took you for someone who would have
appreciated aesthetic beauty Commander, you live and you learn."

He moved even closer touching briefly against her rump intentionally,
heavily breathing into her ear whispering "You wear your uniform just a
little too tightly Major." She stifled a soft sigh.

"My uniform is standard issue it's tailored so I can do my job
effectively and professionally Commander." his hands were now invading
her space each placed on one of her hips, he nuzzled slowly into her
neck taking in all of her aroma.

"Your hair is perfumed today is that professional, is that effective
Major? Or is it just for me?" His voice and hands were now becoming a
little too familiar.

She turned to protest but her eyes froze doe like, deep into his
hypnotic gaze, she breathed in deep pockets of air unable to move from
the snare of his drowning pool eyes, transfixed by his lust, harpooned
by his deep earthy voice.

"Cat your fragrance reminds me of the girls in my old village, their
scent is Peach, apple blossom and Pear, eyes deep like long lost
jewelled opals, just longing to be found, their skin is golden but soft
like melting butter, they smile and their innocence reaches in and
lifts your heart up so high, you feel giddy and you sway, and you
wonder if life could be better in any other way. You have the same silk
textured black hair of the girls of my village, Cat did you grow up in
this kind of place?"

No she hadn't grown up in a place like this but she was now seduced
into wanting to spend the rest of her life with the Commander in "this
kind of place", a place where the main village clock stood still
because the locals didn't like the path where time was taking them,
where they still kneaded their own bread and tread their own wine. Her
legs if she still had any were nothing but soft dry clay, if he let go
of her waist now she felt she might just crumble away.

Renkin strode purposely onto the bridge his eyes more animated than
usual; he glanced puzzled for a moment at the couple in an intimate
clinch, and then focused again. "Commander we have a problem." It was
funny Renkin had never thought of Major Alvarez as a woman before. As
he thought this the first of ten Lsoth suicide cruisers targeted for
impact on the U.S.S Troy.

******************************************************************************************

Home was a million miles away, and two months before the battle off the
planet Valhi, Earth sat cosy and apathetically, while it's forces
pillaged and murdered in the rest of the known systems. After being so
insecure about it's Alien buddies for so long, it turned out it was
Earth after all that was the dominant species.

A lot of boys and girls like Billy Haynes sat alone in rooms dreaming
about what their parents were doing so far away, hoping they could take
on that adventure in the Galaxies, maybe one day.

Billy laughed because his joke was so, so lame his dad would spot it in
a minute, his dad was a connoisseur of old humour, he'd probably laugh
and then tell him off for being so corny, but deep down he'd love it
that Billy had found an old traditional form of Earth humour that time
had tried to fade away. They both loved practical jokes with no holds
barred. Practical jokes they never hurt anybody did they?

He played back the recording barely able to contain his laughter, bad
timing, and bad acting and that ridiculous solemn face no one could
fall for this surely.

" Hi Dad it's Billy, but I guess you can see that. Dad you know Mom and
I love you and we can't wait to see you again. But Dad I got bad news,
seriously bad news... I don't think you'll ever see Mom and me again,
that's why I'm sending you this because we need you to stay away. Dad
two months ago we had visitors in our system near Pluto, they announced
they were "The Tarifspril" and were our friends but our guys went after
them and they disappeared. Well that was all well and good but now
they're back and it turns out they're nothing but big lean killing
machines. Dad they've destroyed all our bases between Pluto and
Jupiter, the Western fleet is nothing but dust, and that includes the
Leviathan U.S.S Haigh, and fifteen new Dreadnought fighters just
swatted out of the skies like flies. Dad in ten days they reach Earth,
no human has survived an encounter so far, so we ain't staying to find
out. Mom can't get to you the official way someone is blocking all
communications, so I've contacted you the way you showed me on this
creaky bandwidth, I hope the message gets through. That's all I got to
say for now. Stay away Dad stay away."

"This is Billy Anderson Haynes signing off at 9:30am April the first,
2225. I love you Dad and Mom loves you too. God bless you Dad, and God
bless the people of Earth."

Billy cracked up laughing, the old man might shit his pants for a
second but he'd love the joke.

Practical jokes were never meant to hurt anybody, "The Billy Haynes
special" as it became known, cost the life of his Father before he
received the message, it cost the lives of the entire fleet that
Commander Harold Vicente Escobar commanded, and this included the
entire trawler fleet that Billy's Dad worked on. Eventually when the
U.S.S Monroe and U.S.S Payne returned to the system a year later after
the false alarm, it would cost the lives of five billion stunned
Lizards on the planet Horth, who either didn't understand or hadn't
researched Earth humour. All in all five billion or so lizards and
roughly ten thousand humans lives lost isn't bad for a harmless
practical joke.

Decades on if a fleet Cadet showed any kind of apathy, he would be
punished by having to recite the infamous old line verbally a thousand
times.

"Never forget Earth's great old traditions, especially when it's early
spring on the Residian belt."