Forever Winter

 

Alex blinked at me, staring at me as if I had something on my face but he didn’t want to tell me. Finally he proclaimed “Well then, that settles it-I guess.”

 

    His strange reaction felt off to me, but I decided to figure that out later. Deep-in-the-dusty closet secrets can wait for another time. With my stomach not collapsing against itself, I can finally think straight...ish. The knotting nerves inside of me still burned bright like a bonfire, but understandably so. The room dampened down into an uncomfortable quiet. I took that moment to finally be able to digest what has happened to me thus far. It was hard for me to comprehend as real, but what I felt was real, and the deep hunger in my stomach was real. This entire time I’ve been trying to convince myself that this was just some horrid nightmare I wasn’t able to wake up from, but obviously now I see that is a bold faced lie. I wished that I could just get out of this mess, not only for me but for the others as well. They must’ve been through horrors that I could never imagine.

 

    What broke the silence was Alex standing up from his chair, shifting on his feet then facing me. “Come with me. I have something to show you.”

 

    Not waiting for a response, a walk out of the room we were in. I scrambled out of my seat and ran after him. He led me outside into the crisp cold. I kept behind him, glancing at my side, noticing Ben and Lucy playing in the snow. Lucy’s laughter set something off in my brain, making me pause for a split second. The feeling was strange. Through my mind, her laughter went on a loop, making my heart beat faster. I couldn’t connect the dots to why it sounded familiar, but not in the way I thought it would. I could feel the essence of the memory bubble at the surface, but slipped out of my grasp as soon as it came. I stood there, the concept of time lost within me. It felt like I was floating, yet suffocating. A voice snapped me out of my delirious state.

 

    “Yuri! Are you coming?”

 

    I looked at the pair of kids for a moment. Lucy was now on her hands and knees, attempting to make a snowman, while Ben was helping her intently. Turning away, I walked toward Alex. “Yeah, yeah.”

 

    We continued to walk and I felt eyes burn holes through my back. I wanted to look back, but I had a good feeling that I knew who was staring at me. Our feet crunched against the soft snow, being the only noise made on our walk. The thickness of my boots warmed my feet surprisingly well. I didn’t even feel a hint of the cold threatening to enclose my feet. I hugged the jacket I had on and trudged on. We didn’t say a word during the entire walk. Fortunately, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, more of one that allowed me to think to myself about anything that crossed my mind. I wasn’t precisely sure if that was helpful for me or not.

 

    “Hey….” Alex dragged.

 

    “Um, yeah?”

    

    “Have you...have you ever had a sense of extreme deja-vu? Like...a feeling so strong that you couldn’t explain? Like it feels like you’re staring in front of a missing piece of your puzzle right in the face, but you can’t seem to grasp it in your mind?”

 

    I exquisitely turned my head to him, pressing my lips together in thought. Now that he said it, it feels like I had that feeling too many times to count. Concern etched onto my face as I looked at Alex. There was nothing wrong with his question, it’s just it came out of the blue. The way it came out sounded like it’s been bothering him for a long time now. Deciding that it was best not to ask, I answered.

 

    “Yes actually, Now that you mention it. Ever since I woke up from that...nevermind. What about you?”

 

He pursed his lips, obviously in internal conflict. “A little bit. I’m not sure why, but it’s been happening more since you came. But I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. It’s one step toward some answers, and freedom. So I’m not going to worry about it too much. And I think you shouldn’t either.”

 

He glanced at me and gave me a reassuring smile. In the back of my mind it told me something was off, but I pushed it away. Whatever that was bothering him he can tell me if he wants to or whenever he wants to. For now the worry inside of me was growing, the anticipation of what Alex is trying to show me. In the distance we approached a large cave, purely identical to the one we were currently living in. I could see two figures, presumably Ben and Lucy. I sucked in a breath. Why were we back here?

 

“This is it.” Alex deadpanned.

 

My brain struggled to understand what I witnessed in front of me “Sorry..I-I don’t quite understand.”

 

I heard a sigh, sadness laced in his voice “This is what I wanted to show you. It’s all a loop. That’s why we can’t get away from this place.”

 

We stopped, now a few feet away from the cave. I was going to say this was impossible, but I knew it wasn’t. Of all the things that happened to me in such a short time I know this is nowhere near impossible. What I thought was impossible turns out to be possible. 

 

“I don’t understand why you’re showing me this-”

 

“It’s because we need you. All order has been in chaos since you came, and that’s exactly our way out. My theory is that once we gather everyone and march on our way, we might get somewhere. Not making any promises. The plan is to set out tomorrow. Get as much sleep as you can-you’ll need it.”

 

“I don’t see how that fixes anything. It still looped when I was with you, yes? So how will going again with everyone else do any good?”

 

“As I said earlier, it’s just a theory. We haven’t tried it with all of us. I am not sure it’ll work, but might as well try.” Alex’s face hardened with determination, this is what he’s been building up to. This moment, escaping. I peered over at the two younger kids. They weren’t playing anymore, instead making their way over to us. Out of all the days I’ve been here, I felt like I was responsible for them. It isn’t just me who wants out of here, it’s also them. I had to get them out of here.

 

No matter the cost.

 

Crunching of the snow came from behind me. I turned my head toward the noise. Ben and Lucy. They were hand in hand, peering up at Alex in expectation. 

 

“I’m guessing you told her?” 

 

Ben’s voice made me have a sudden realization. Out of the many days I’ve been here I have never heard him talk. His voice was high-pitched. Sounded like I would expect of someone his age. But his voice laced some sort of wisdom inside, showing the years of knowledge he’s learned. I grimaced, feeling awful for him, and also for the little girl Lucy. They must’ve been through a lot. I looked over at Lucy, her bright emerald eyes filled with hope. I forced my gaze away. In the corner of my eyes I saw her smile at me, making the corners of my mouth quirk upwards. 

 

“Yep. Tomorrow is the day.” He then spun around to me “and you need to rest while I prepare. I know all of this is being thrown onto you all at once, but try to relax. It’s already late.”

 

He ushered me inside. I took one look back at the two kids, their eyes meeting mine. I quickly turned away. While Lucy came off friendly, I had a burning feeling in the pit of my stomach that Ben didn’t trust me. I don’t blame him. If I was in his shoes, I wouldn't trust me either. Just some random girl shows up changing everything about his life. Then being told I could get them out of here. I shook my head. All I can do is not to disappoint. Them and myself.

 

I sighed as Alex left me to change into more comfortable clothes. I pulled on the thick, white cloth of my shirt, plopping down onto my cot. My mind buzzed with never-ending questions. I blocked them out, pulled soft, warm covers over my head. I closed my eyes wishing for sleep to come. After an hour, the previous anticipation started to ebb away, fading  into a delirious sleep.

‘My entire body felt light as a feather. Icy cold water latched onto my skin. My body was dragged around in the water like a ragdoll. It felt like needles were stabbing me, tearing into my soft flesh. I tried to suck in oxygen, but only got a mouth full of water. My eyes burned as I opened them. Everything was blurry. Blue, purple, and green colors swirled around me. My entire body ached. I slammed into something hard as everything disappeared. 

 

The scene around me changed in an instant. I saw myself staring at a mirror in a dimly lit room. It was me, but it wasn’t at the same time. My once raven black hair was a pearly white, and my skin was deathly pale. My once pale blue veins were a black, showing in contrast to my skin, making me look like I haven’t had a touch of sunlight in years. I took a shaky hand against my face, feeling the soft skin.The thing that startled me the most was my eyes. They were a dark crimson color, and my pupils were a thin oval as if I were a cat. The life in my eyes was gone, dull in color. The whites in my eyes had black blood vessels littering the surface, along with the rest of my body. Instead of the lovely brown color I had, my eyes were now a deep amber, dead. I stepped back in shock, what happened to me? Where was I? How is this happening? Where was Alex?

 

Without warning, my world changed. I was standing in a room without a spec of light except for a faint glow in front of me. I walked toward the glow, my heart beating faster with every step I took. My eyes darted from left to right, occasionally looking behind me. I stopped abruptly, being met by a beautiful woman in a red and white checkered patterned kimono. Her wavy hair fell past her shoulders, shining brilliantly. Her back was turned toward me, and had a thick leather book in her hand with no title. I took a couple cautious steps forward. No response. I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat and quietly continued toward her once more. I paused and sat next to the mysterious woman. She looked like she was in her early twenties, and had her eyes closed, as if she was meditating. I studied her silently, not wanting to disturb her. Her aura confused me. I felt a calming presence from her, yet there was blinding rage. She finally opened her eyes and slowly turned her head toward me. Calm lapsed over us like a calm blanket. Her eyes were a blinding silver color. 

 

They were beautiful.

 

Yet they made me slightly uneasy. Her pupils were like a cat’s, and her smile was gentle, yet strained. The woman blinked at me, as if pondering on what to say next. The room was devoid of noise for several minutes. I wasn’t nervous, just curious. We continued our staring contest until the mysterious woman opened her mouth.

 

“Wake up.”