Surface
By alexwritings
Wed, 02 May 2012
- 1678 reads
5 comments
Surface
When rising for air
it’s always you who’s waiting there –
matted and salt-beaded on a
blancmange sea, undulating
yet real like a
radio wave. And always in
the same place, too:
orientated beneath a timeless
strawberry-blonde sky,
in flotsamless blue.
(Telephone calls keep me under;
disputes with the neighbours
and sordid street entertainers...)
But in the surfacing moments it’s still you:
dimming softly now beneath a dunking sun;
each revisit the budgie-beep
of a smoke alarm,
during sleep
running lower on battery.
Soon you’ll die –
guillotined beneath
the horizon's knife
and someone else will occupy
that surface
above my life.
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Comments
I really liked this, but I
I really liked this, but I was disappointed you'd removed the word 'budgie' from the smoke alarm line, I saw it in the teaser and thought it rather a clever comparison. Perhaps I am too easily pleased. As for the rest, the imagery is great
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Gale, this is good, no
Gale, this is good, no question about it. Very good. A (tiny) thought, think about the structure of the bracketed section - (enjambement), just to see if it could be even better than it already is.
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