The double glazing salesman 11/12

Dave was only too pleased to be able to sit down and get warm. He seemed to have been crawling about on sharp rocks and then walking for ages, even if it was only breakfast time. He explained the events that led him there, then told the squire that he wasn’t really a wizard and didn’t live in this world in any case.

“I’m really an engineer from the alternate world on the other side of the Gate and was trying out an apparatus to help me fly like a bird. My daughter is an apprentice at the Witches’ Home and she’s taught me a spell to make myself lighter. I believe she’s fairly well known around these parts, her name is Jennifer Jane, perhaps you’ve heard of her!”

“Heard of her? I’ll say I’ve heard of her. She costs me a bushel of coal every week and believe me, coal is jolly expensive! Don’t worry about it though,” he said as he saw the look on Dave’s face, “it’s worth every penny just to stop the dragons eating my workers.”

Dave looked at the roaring fire and then at the squire. His face and legs were roasting, but he still felt shivery down his back. All that heat going up the chimney and he still felt uncomfortable. It made him realise how lucky he was that his world had invented central heating.

The squire guessed at what he was thinking and laughed. “I know it’s expensive but it’s the only way to keep warm in this cold wind. Houses this size aren’t really made to be lived in, they’re intended to impress friends and visitors. You say you’re an engineer, can you invent a machine that will warm my house for me?”

“I’m afraid it’s not quite as easy as that. You’d need an awful lot of things to be built that just don’t exist in this world. A central heating system would need boilers and radiators with lots and lots of piping. Even if we went right back to Roman times a hypocaust would only work on the ground floor. Your main problem is draughts coming through the gaps under the doors and through the windows..”

Dave stopped suddenly and then laughed out loud. “I never thought I’d say this, but what you need is double glazing!”

Before he could explain, there was a knock on the door and Saunders came into the room.

“Excuse me sir, but there’s a witch, an ordinary lady dressed in rather strange clothes and a little boy who says she’s really a girl and calls herself Jennifer Jane. They are asking if we happen to know the whereabouts of a Mr. Bell and I did wonder if this person was the gentleman referred to.”