Loss

There is nothing left
But despair and unhappiness.
Any hope i had
Of a better life,
Has disappeared in the wind.

The rain beats against my face,
Heavier now;
The wind seems that little bit more brutal.

I can no longer see myself
Standing in the sun.
I will no longer feel
Its warmth on my face.
I will only feel sorrow and sadness
As the rain falls and the wind blows.

The warmth i once felt,
Has gone.
It has been stolen,
Not from my mind, but from my heart.

I have surprised myself.
I feel no bitterness,
Only deep regret.
Regret that i couldn't have made things work,
Regret that i was blind
To any problem there may have been.

I was stupid,
I thought that everything was O.K.
I thought we were fine,
Better together than most others.

Maybe i was too happy.
Maybe this is fate's way of saying
I am destined to lead a solitary life.

I know i am not completely worthless
But that is how i feel.
How could i have been so stupid
As to think
That someone like you
Could want me.
Am i really that bad a person?
Do i repulse you that much?

One thing i vow to myself
I will never fall in lover again.
It is too painful an experience
To repeat.
There is a pain in my heart
I would not wish on my greatest enemy.

My only hope is that
You will never have to experience
This feeling of emptiness
And worthlessness.

I am not sure i will be able to survive myself,
Although i will try.
I cannot come to terms
With this void you have made
Inside of me.
What do i do now?
Where do i go from here?

I feel scared to live a normal life
As i don't think i could cope
With being hurt again.

I don't blame you.
You just don't see me
The way you used to.
But in my heart and in my mind
You will always be
A very special and beautiful person.

I hope one day,
You will be able to see these qualities
In another.

17/11/96