And the birthday wenteth

so it came and it went and i know i'm in huge denial not dealing with the fact that i'm an age i dont want to be, a year older and nothing much has changed. am i happy? am i better? yadadadadadayadayadada...

so we went for sushi and had a little too much crab and shrimp maki (it's 48 hours later and i still can't breathe), then back to my place where we ate mariam's peanut butter chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies.

Cue famous mariam line
"My god I am so stuffed i cant eat anything anymore OOH LOOK A COOKIE!"

when i was twelve, an old man read my palm and told me i would die at twenty four.

It could be rubbish, i'm not superstitious, but i dont want to take my chances.
His words, as ridiculous as they were, stuck with me all these years.

Makes me think, why should i be lucky enough to live a long age? why should other people's lives be cut short and not me?
And then comes the question: what if this is it? my last living year? how should i spend it? what can i do?

I have always been the kind who sits around and says next year i will do it, and never gets it done.
what if i die before i do everything i was meant to do? what was i meant to be?
I still havent even figured out who i am in the first place.

man, i sound like one of those self-absorbed teen angst movies.

will I ever see Paris?
or Peru?
Will i ever dance on ice and eat clouds?
Fall in love enough to make all other memories pale in comparison?
Become an aclaimed writer/designer/dancer/actress/talkshow host?
Have kids? adopt kids?
Paint my own kitchen wall?
Save the whales? hug a tree? teach my grandchildren my special brownie recipe?

I need to shut up.