Breathe Again

It's so strange how things turn out; two weeks ago I was lying on a couch in my PJ's watching trash TV 12 hours a day, not showering, not calling, not wanting to go out or see anybody or do anything but sit there.

Now here I am with my own place in maadi, a beautiful room with a sunset view, my best friend as a kickass roomate, a job that pays, a social life. and finally, a little bit of peace.

On Friday, the African Football Nations Cup was on, and Egyptians were out on the streets, being patriotic for once in their lives, carrying flags, waving flags, wearing flags, painting flags on their faces... we got stuck in traffic, so Mariam bought a flag and i put on a funny hat with the flag's colours, and people started pointing and waving, we laughed and sang along to Ray Charles, and i realised it's been a long time since i was that happy.
And when i realised that, I wanted to cry.
Certain things will always haunt me for a long time to come, such as the fact that I didn't make it to his burial on time, or the fact that we weren't speaking as much as we used to.
I find myself wondering about his last seconds, if he knew what was happening, if there was any pain at all. I pray and hope he had no idea and died instantly. I know he knows she's ok.

And the only way to make it easier for me to deal with it is having faith that there is a God, there is a heaven, and I will see him again. That, and only that, makes me able to get out of my PJ's and ask for my life back again.

i'm back at the same time of job i spent all of last year bitching about, the same bureaucratic bullshit with the backstabbing and the female competitiveness, and all that crap. The only difference is this jobs lets me have the flat of my dreams with a social life in cairo and my best friends. it's a compromise i'm willing to stick to till something better comes along.

I met someone a week ago and i've never reacted so quickly before. It was an almost instant "I like you" thunderbolt, as soon as he smiled back.
they tell me we are perfect for each other.
He's acting shy and awkward.

I'm waiting for him to call. But I'm guessing he won't, being so shy and awkward.