Comparing Wounds

Depression reigns at Crepaway: Valentine's Day is weeks away and
even our caramel cream crepes can't comfort us.

"I HATE Valentine's," groans Amina, who has just broken up with her
boyfriend, Omar,

" it's just a stupid idea that the shops exploit to make as much money
as possible."

Sally agrees,
"And it's so typical of Khaled to fight with me right before. I think
he did it on purpose to avoid buying me a present."

"Hey," says Amina, "why don't we all dress in black as an anti-Valentine's protest?"

"We did that last year," I remind her, "and you ended up with your boyfriend, leaving me, Nour and Misha on our own."

"Speaking of Misha," interrupts Nour, "where is she? She's half an hour
late."

Misha is usually punctual. Being late is a cardinal sin, especially
since we're supposed to be comforting Amina over her breakup.

Just as I'm pulling out the phone to call her she walks into the restaurant, looking real pale and un-Misha; her hands visibly
shaking.

"What's wrong?" I pull out a chair for her, as Sally signals the waiter
for another caramel crepe.

Misha sits down and whispers "I think I nearly got attacked."

The whole group gasps in horror
"No!"

"Yes!" she insists, "it was the taxi driver, and I was so scared I
nearly fainted!"

"Why didn't you call us, you idiot?" yells Sally, the mother of the
group.

"I don't know, I was too busy trying to dislodge my fist from his
nose!"

"What?"

"I broke his nose!" Misha declares proudly.

We are in shock. Misha would never hurt a puppy, so the idea of her
committing an act of violence is extremely disturbing.

"You broke his nose?" Amina sniffs, " Omar broke my heart!"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Misha forgets everything, and hugs her miserable
friend.

After our choruses of "Awwwww" and "It's okay, don't cry" subside, I
ask,
"So what happened exactly?"

"Well," Misha starts, "I stopped the taxi in Tahrir, and he looked
really
weird, but I was late, so I just got in. He suddenly went down this
long, complicated route, and when I asked him where we were going, he
kept smiling at me creepily. Then we were in a dark street and he
stopped the car, so I screamed like a madwoman, then he reached
forwards, so I punched his face with my fist."

"No!" we shriek.

"Yes!" she laughs, "and then I got out, screaming 'Ya Laaahwy!' and
some men from the coffee shop came over and beat him up. I got a ride
on a bus, and here I am."

"Wow," Sally breathes, "I'm so proud of you!"

"Excuse me, "Amina coughs politely, "I hate to interrupt, but could we
focus on me here? I GOT DUMPED BY MY BOYFRIEND!"

"I once hit a policeman," I offer.

"Salma!" Amina shrieks.

"Sorry, everybody focus on Amina."

"You hit a policeman?" Nour hisses.

Amina bursts into tears. Another round of crepes follows as we try to
comfort her with our own tales of heartbreak, and happily compare
wounds. It's funny how we enjoy pain as much as guys enjoy
football.

Nour is keeping quiet, while we do our best to persuade Amina that Omar is NOT GOD.

"Look, he may have a perfect body-" I start.

"And a perfect face-" Sally interrupts.

"And a perfect car-" Misha interrupts.

"And a great personality," I add, "but that doesn't make him perfect,
does it?"

"This is not helping, girls," Amina sniffs.

Nour is still quiet, so I kick her under the table.

"What's wrong with you?" I hiss, " help us out here!"

"Amina," she suddenly speaks, "Omar isn't perfect. He's an asshole."

Amina gasps, "Nour, that's going too far-"

"No it isn't, "Nour insists, " He's an asshole and a sleazebag."

"Hey," Amina stands up, "Why are you bitching about my
boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend," I interrupt.

"Shut up, Salma."

Nour speaks quietly, "Omar tried to... he tried to push himself on me."

Silence.

Omar with the deep sexy voice and the E320?

"I don't believe you," Amina whispers.

"I'm your best friend," Nour insists, "would I lie to you?"

"When did it happen?"

"At that party when you had that fight, and you left early, remember?
He came and sat next to me, then suddenly he got touchy-feely, and when I resisted, he forced me down."

"Then?"

"Then someone walked in, so I grabbed my coat and ran."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Amina asks.

"You wouldn't have believed me. You were too in
love!"

"Actually..." I interrupt, "He tried to grab my butt once."

"What?"

Sally coughs. "And, uh, he came on to me a few months ago."

"What?!"

We all turn to Misha; she blushes and says, " he wasn't exactly hands off when it came to me, either."

Amina bursts. "Are you telling me that my boyfriend-"

"Ex boyfriend-"

"-That my ex boyfriend tried it on with everyone of you, and no one told me?"

"It wasn't easy, "Sally pleads, "I never knew that he'd tried it on with anyone else. I felt so humiliated, I couldn't tell you."

A silence follows.

Then Amina says, "He was too perfect, wasn't he?"

We all sigh in relief.

"Definitely too perfect."

"And there was something sleazy about him."

"Definitely."

"Never trust a man who opens doors for you."

Amina shrugs, "I guess this makes getting over him easier. I can't believe I was such a fool!"

Another chorus of "Don't be too hard on yourself"; "He never deserved
you, anyway" follows.

Suddenly Amina stands up, and says she has to go. We feel uneasy
watching her leave.

"Is she going to throw herself off the Cairo tower?"

"Don't be stupid, she's scared of hights."

"Can I have the rest of her crepe?"

At two AM, Sally calls to tell me that Amina broke Omar's nose, and I should try it some time.

So for Valentine's, we've all signed up for kickboxing class.

I can't wait.