Hunting

The house is pregnant with silence. My feet pad softly across the
cold floor in their thick, red socks.
I wrap my blue dressing gown tighter around me, brush the greasy hair
off my forehead and swear angrily as I stub my toe on the corner of my
bed, just as I always do every morning.
In the kitchen I'm standing at the table with a knife in my left hand
ready to cut the orange in the other hand.
I'm staring out of the window at the gloomy view, when the sun catches
my reflection in the glass and suddenly he's in front of me.
It hits me like a sledgehammer, I double over and gasp deeply for
breath. He is too close. So close, his warmth is on my cheek, as his
face distorts in disgust, his lips curl, he pushes me away and says
'NO'.
The word flushes over me, and a violent spasm of pain twists doen my
spine till my toes.
In the darkness of my mind, as I stare blindly at the sun, a little
voice inside me cries out "How could he?!"
The colour red creeps slowly through my soul and I shudder in
humiliation. He rejected me. "No" he said "Please don't do this."
He had begged me as if my kissing him was too disgusting to
bear.
Now an ugly voice cries out "How could I?!"
Now the self-hatred begins, as my mind starts to tear me apart.
'You stupid, stupid little girl, what a fool you've made of yourself!
How could you have been so blind? He doesn't want you!'
"NO!" I whisper to the window "He does! He does want me!"
I couldn't have imagined it all.
I'm so confused. And frightened.
He's playing with my mind, I know he is, I just don't know how to
fight back.
I hate him with all my heart, I really do. I hate him so much, he
keeps me up all night, hating him.
And every time he comes near me, I spit at him like a snake, hoping
fervently that my eyes don't betray me.

Why did he push me away?

And afterwards, why did he come up behind me and place his hands on my
waist so gently?

What does HE WANT FROM ME?!

I hate him so much. And yet, I know with a sinking feeling in my guts,
just like a prey fleeing its hunter, I know he'll trap me someday. I
know that all my walls will crumble and I won't spit like a snake no
more.

Standing in the kitchen, staring at my reflection, I feel cold and
humble in my blue dressing gown.
It's a warm summer afternoon, and I'm shivering from head to
toe.
A breath of ice pours out from my heart into my blood, and my toes
freeze inside the thick red socks.

'So this is it' I think 'This is what they call hunting.'