Sandcastle

So I built a sandcastle instead.

On my own, hair falling over my face and salt in my eyes, I drew a circle in the sand and started digging.
It was going to be the biggest, nicest sandcastle of all time, with a moat, towers and everything.
It would be perfect, even if it took all day.

I tried to focus, tried so hard, but i couldn't help it, every now and then i had to look up and see him standing in the distance, with one
hand resting on the hollow in his chest, that place where he claimed to have a missing bone, that place where my hand rested so easily.

I sat there, watching and memorizing him, for future reference when he would no longer be there, until the waves came crashing in and flooded my moat.

I turned back to making towers that i knew were too fragile in the wind, but i didn't care; this castle would stand tall, even if no one
wanted it.

And the girl that lived in this castle got to keep her man,
instead of letting him stand in the distance, out of her reach.

i dug deeper into the sand, on my knees in sunkissed skin, healthy
breasts and brown eyes, and i wondered what it was about me that wasn't enough to make him stay.
i was beginning to wonder if perhaps he had seen into me, into my soul and found that I wasn't a good enough person.

No.

I stopped digging. My eyes were stinging, must be the sand, must be the salt, must be the goddamn wind, because i wasn't crying.

And in my castle, the girl got to keep her man, and he wasn't afraid to stay, to see into her and find that she really was worth it after all.

i stood up, fragile in the wind, and ran towards the sea.

i think i am getting too old for sandcastles.