Talking to Shady

He didn't sit close to me.
Instead, when I spread out my scarf on the cold sand and offered him a corner, he refused politely and sat two arms away from me.
This was a first.
Usually they stick skin close, and conveniently leave their hands resting just next to my butt, but he didn't.

And so we talked.
Digging my toes into the sand, we watched the stars, the groups of boys laughing in the distance, and the shadows of couples running towards the sea, or holding hands, or mysteriously disappearing into the darkness of the beach houses.

I kept trying to steal him out of his shell, animate him, add a few colours and a couple of shiny stars, maybe then he'd open his mouth and music would come out.
But he was no puppet.
And he didn't want to play.
So instead we asked each other questions, reminiscent of those awful personality tests you secretly take at work, while pretending to be solving a complex administrative problem.

If you were on a desert island...?
What are your biggest fears?
When you were a kid, what did you want to be?
If you were a potato chipm what flavor would you be?
Where is the perfect place for a tattoo?
Which song represents your life so far?
If you were a chocolate bar...
A car...
A colour...
A sandwich...
An Animal...
and most importantly, what is the craziest thing you've ever done?

We both fell silent at the last question, and I remembered that crappy movie 'The Girl Next Door', where she lures him into the pool at night and asks him 'What's the Craziest thing you've ever done'? and his answer was 'This right now.'

I've been told i walk next to the wall, but it's kinda hard to go crazy when you dont smoke dont drink havent touched drugs cant drive are scared of heights get seasick and have the curse of being sensible and logical most of the time.

But Shady blushed in the dark and said he couldnt think of anything.
He wouldn't even take his shoes off.
"How can you be on the beach and not touch the sand?" I asked incredulously.
He remained firm.
"I don't want to get sand into my car."
"you think too much."
"No I'm just sensible."
"Take your socks off, damnit."
"I would if you had asked me earlier, now it's too late."
"It's not too late, why won't you do it?"
"Because it's pointless"
"But it's fun! What would you do if I asked you to run into the sea with me?"
"But I don't have a change of clothes!"

And then i realised with a sudden rush to the head, that in Shady's eyes I was crazy and silly and daring, just like that girl in the movie, especially when i told him the story of skinny dipping at night in the Red Sea, where poisonous fish lie.
His eyes widened, and he listened harder when I said tatoos on wrists are sexy. He agreed enthusiastically that it would look good on me, and a content silence followed.

He hadn't even tried to touch me.
At this point he should be edging closer for body warmth even though we were in July, and then he would stare too long at my lips, and one thing would lead to another, and I'd suddenly be dealing with a kiss I didn't enjoy, and a changed friendship I didn't expect.

But he did nothing.

And as wary as i was, part of me started to enjoy this undiscovered territory called platonic friendship.
He couldn't think of a song that represented his life; he put his head in his hands and thought long and hard, but no lyrics came to mind that could best represent Shady.
i chose Joan Baez's "Forever Young" just for the lyrics. He hadn't heard of it, so I promised to give him the CD.
His favorite movie was Meet Joe Black, but he'd never seen The NeverEnding story.
On a desert island he would take his music and someone who made him laugh.
And i promised i would educate him, make him mix tapes and lend him my videos, persuade him to be silly and laugh at his own jokes.

In my head i was writing a list
1. First, get him to take the socks off
2. Then the shoes
3. Then make him run into the water at night
Just for the hell of it

So that someday when anyone asked him, he could look back at that moment with me, and say "Man, i was so crazy back then."

We ate our cold lebanese sandwiches in silence, me tired of the sound of my own voice, once again the entertainer when what i wanted more was to be entertained.
But Shady wouldn't speak up, no matter how long the silences were, so i sighed, gave in, and asked another silly personality question.
"What is your biggest fear?"
He mumbled something about snakes, claustophobia and death, then he asked what about me, i had to chew on my sandwich some more, but i already knew the answer. i'd known it long before i'd asked the question.

"My biggest fear," I swallowed, "Is waking up at 35 and realising that i've spent the past ten years living other people's lives for the sake of pleasing them, and that i've done nothing that i can look back and remember, to say 'When I was 22, it was a pretty good year."

Shady watched my face as I spoke, smiled in his quiet way, and in my head we were running into the water, laughing.