The Fountain of Youth

There once was a little boy who grew to be a man
But it showed not in his brain, just his hands and his glands
He thought he was useless and lazy but discovered the truth
When he pissed on his dead dog, he found the fountain of youth

The man who pissed the fountain of youth
Was considered by many a pig, a thug, uncouth
But once the old and the wealthy discovered the secret
They filled their homes with his piss, from cellar to roof

When he discovered his piss gave life as well as good health
He would go down the pub, come home and piss on himself
Soon the fame of his urine spread to high, rich and mighty
And he found the demand meant he had to drink 12 pints nightly

He pissed on rich bottoms and he pissed their face
He pissed on famous boobies, he pissed all over the place
For firmness he even pissed on naughty places unseen
He pissed on ho popstars and even pissed on the queen

He swaggered through life, rich on miraculous urine
High on parties, fame, lager, vodka and gin
Arrogantly waving his willy and riches at will
Girls and money threw themselves at him, but still

The Man with the magic piss was getting sadder
The strain was showing on his face as well as his bladder
He yearned for the days before his wealthy travails
The days before he pissed once a week on the Princess of Wales

Melancholic he slipped into orgies of drugs, booze and sax
Where he found that it was not just his urine that had an effect
Soon his piss was famous and in world-wide demand
Big business moved in making him a booming piss farm

Despite his wonderwhizz his own health started to wane
His sadness and wee stardom driving him mad with nobpain
His nerves became shredded and he danced with St Vitus
He became the face and naughty bits of celebrity cystitis

But deep in his heart he knew he was a lucky chancer
But his lucky urine finally ran out, when he caught penile cancer
He drank it, he splashed it, he let it seep into his bed
But to the sadness of a hungry world, Wonderpiss man was dead

god bless us, everyone