A Tale of a Domestic Dispute

Jack had been divorced for five years and has one child he saw once a year. He dated on and off, even falling in love once or twice. Then out of the blue, he told me about a new woman he was seeing and he thought he was beginning to fall in love with her. I heard hope and enthusiasm in his voice. I saw it in his face and his whole demeanor spoke of the hope that this time it was for real.

Her name is Mary; he said and just moved next door. They met when she needed a few repairs done on the house. Jack was a carpenter and offered his services. The friendship began then. They found they had some things in common. She loved to fish; he loved fly fishing and soon taught her how. She loved camping and so did Jack. They took camping weekends whenever they could get away.

Mary had been divorced for three years and was just beginning to forge a new life for herself and her children. They were childhood sweethearts and Mary couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than to live her life with her husband and the children they both wanted. Erik was always described as a great guy, confident and ‘would give the shirt off his back’ to anyone who needed it.

Looks can be deceiving. Marriage for Mary was great, at least for the first year. After that, things changed. It started with Erik’s suspicion every time Mary was late coming home from work or if she went shopping. He would criticize her constantly, criticize her friends and belittle her in public. Then the hitting started. More than once he put her in the hospital. Eric was always sorry afterwards and would present Mary with flowers or gifts. She always forgave him. She loved Jack and so wanted this marriage to work. She promised herself she would do better, be what he wanted her to be.

The last trip to the hospital was almost her last. She was in a coma for a week and had to have surgery to stop internal bleeding. Before being discharged, she spoke to a hospital social worker. Mary was reluctant to talk about the abuse at first. The social worker wouldn’t let it go as he had seen her in the hospital a few times before and always suspected abuse as did most of the hospital staff. When questioned, she would always come up with some excuse as to how she received her injuries, clumsiness, falling and dizziness which caused the cuts on her head or face she would explain.

Mary had not talked to anyone, not her friends or parents. She would always use the same excuses to explain away her injuries. This time, she thought of the children and what would happen to them if she was no longer here. So she talked about it. Within six months of counseling and preparing, she finally found the courage to leave.

Mary moved 60 miles away renting a house on a quiet tree lined street in a small town. Through several court battles, she won primary custody of the children with Erik having visitation rights on weekends. Erik would drive the 60 miles on a Friday evening to pick the children up. Mary would have them packed and ready in the hopes Erik would not find an excuse to stay. Erik called a number of times during the week in the hopes of getting back together or asked her to go away for awhile to talk and try to work things out.

Mary, probably for the first time since high school began to feel free and to her surprise, stopped having pounding headaches that plagued her for years. And she found Jack.

The local headline read: "Two killed, two injured in domestic violence dispute."
I looked at the headline and thought about the word dispute. This wasn’t a dispute, it was rage. It affected me greatly because one of the victims was Jack, a good friend of mine.

Domestic violence is always tragic. The reverberations echo beyond the victims. It reaches out and grasps family, children and friends to shake them to their very core. This is one story of such an event.

A woman, separated from her husband Erik for three years was finally taking steps for a life for herself and her children. Mary realized the daunting task ahead of her. Five children she would raise with a father available only on weekends or whenever his police officer position would allow him. In fact the two had been in and out of court on custody issues for most of the three years they had been apart.

Although the last three years was difficult, Mary realized that there were other options available to her and found herself with the ability to make decisions and care for herself and her children on her own terms. This new relationship was giving her love and support instead of fists and accusations.

Jack and Mary’s relationship grew into love and they were making tentative plans to marry.
Together, they planned how they would tell Erik when he picked the kids up on Friday.
Mary asked Jack to be with her, as she knew it would provoke an argument and she was afraid. With her mind made up, she and Jack waited for her husband to bring back two of the children who had been on an outing with their father on Mothers day.

Erik came into the house with the children and his eyes immediately went to Jack and demanded he leave. He said he did not want him around the children. In fact he was not at all pleased that Mary found someone else. Jack always thought that he and Mary would get back together even though he was becoming impatient as it has been three years. Seeing Jack, Erik knew that someone else was coming between them.

Jack of course refused to leave and told Erik that they wanted to talk to him.
Enraged, Erik threw a punch. Caught off guard, Jack was knocked backward for an instant. In that same instant, Erik reached into his belt and pulled out his 9mm weapon and shot him.

Mary screamed and Erik swung around and turned the gun on her. Jack attempted to get up and Erik shot him again, and again, and again. He then turned toward his wife and shot at her, hitting his three-year-old son. In an instant, recognition of the horror of what he had done, he placed the gun at his temple and fired, in front of his children.

Someone heard the shots and called the police. A few minutes later, two officers went into the house and found a wounded three- year- old, an unconscious and seriously injured woman and two men dead on the kitchen floor, one dead of a gunshot wound in his head, the other dead with four shots in his body, one in the back.

Mary was barely alive. The three-year-old wounded in the leg and traumatized. Five children now without a father and possibly without a mother had watched this event unfold. They watched as their father unleashed a barrage of gunfire in their kitchen, killing their mom's friend. They watched as their father shot himself in the head.

This was indeed a tragic event that may not have revealed the still unknown consequences of one man's action. The lives of numerous people have been jolted, all because someone refused to let go, refused to understand the word no and refused to believe that sometimes one can't always get what they want. The psychological trauma of the children could affect the rest of their lives. How will they view relationships between men and women? How will it affect their future relationships?

Anger is futile, as there is no one to bring to justice, no condemnation for someone who assuredly left this life with the knowledge that his legacy of devastation will have a profound impact on everybody around them. Most may see suicide as a cowardly act. In this case, in a moment of clarity, the knowledge of the carnage he caused was simply something that his conscience would not allow him to live with. The rest of us must.