Modern Love

Modern Romance

 

 

A:    This dartboard sucks ass.

 

B:     Hello baby, how are you?

 

A:    I am going to throw away your piece-of-shit dartboard!

 

B:     Why?

 

A:     What kind of idiot decides to make or buy a dartboard that requires Internet access?

 

B:    What’s wrong with you?

 

A:    It’s illogical when they make perfectly good electronic dartboards that don’t require the Internet.

 

B:     Don’t you have Internet access at home?

 

A:     Of course I have Internet. You know that!

 

B:    Are you playing it?

 

A:     I’m trying to use it. It needed to update and it’s not updating correctly.

 

B:    Why do you have to update it?

 

A:     It told me I had to fucking update it!

 

B:    Are you crazy?

 

A:    You shouldn’t have to look at your phone when you play darts. Fucking stupid.

 

B:     I played it fine. You are just a moron.

 

A:     I am mostly just angry that I wasted thirty minutes of my time.

 

B:     To do what?

 

A:     To try to update the piece of shit!

 

B:     It doesn’t need an update.

 

A:     Bullshit! IT JUST TOLD ME TO UPDATE!

 

B:     I don’t know what you hit.

 

A:     I didn’t hit anything! It just told me I had to update before I play! It won’t even fucking     update correctly.

 

B:     Are you a moron?

 

A:     ARE YOU A MORON?

 

B:    Only idiots don’t know how to use it correctly.

 

A:    Only fucktards buy Internet dartboards.

 

B:     You can update it, then play.

 

A:     I can’t, it doesn’t fucking update.

 

B:    What’s the matter with updating it?

 

A:    Go buy a bed that requires the Internet to sleep and needs to update, but doesn’t update, before you sleep.

 

B:    That’s stupid. They don’t make those.

 

A:    Yes and they shouldn’t. They also shouldn’t make dartboards that need the Internet.

 

B:    I like it.

 

A:    Fine, go buy a toothbrush that needs you to be online before you brush your teeth.

 

B:     If you don’t know how to update you can delete the app, then download it again.

 

A:     Or I can just buy one that doesn’t need that shit!

 

B:     You are stupid. You just like to complain and give up when you face problems.

 

A:    Why don’t you go buy a toilet that only works online, idiot?

 

B:     I prefer the Internet one because I know how to use it.

 

A:     I prefer an Internet refrigerator that only works when online and constantly needs updates because I know how to use it.

 

B:     You are a negative moron. Stop being annoying. The Internet one is better.

 

A:     How can it possibly be better?

 

B:     I can play online with other players.

 

A:     Are you fucking serious?

 

B:    Yes, you can play it with people from all over the world.

 

A:     Really? And you never wonder why people always get double bullseyes every time, idiot?

 

B:    Only if people cheat, idiot.

 

A:    People will cheat. There is no way to monitor them.

 

B:    You can use a camera, so that no one cheats.

 

A:     So, you want to have a camera set up, to watch people, so you can play darts with them online? That would be so fun, monitoring multiple players and your own dartboard and your own camera at the same time.

 

B:    People won’t cheat anyway.

 

A:    You cheat at Monopoly when I am playing right next to you!

 

B:    I won’t cheat at darts. It would be fun.

 

A:    Yeah, I play poker with my friends online all the time, for real money with real cards. We deal cards to ourselves on the honor system, texting each other what our hands are. It’s weird how everybody always gets royal flushes every hand.

 

B:     Fuck you.

 

A:     Fuck you too, idiot.

 

B:    You are being an asshole. I am going to bed.

 

A:    Okay, make sure you brush your teeth with your Internet toothbrush.

 

B:    Goodnight.

 

A:    Goodnight

.

B:     I love you

 

A:    Love you too.

 

B:     Miss you!

 

A:     Miss you too.

 

B:    No you don’t, liar.

 

A:    Fuck off.