Trophies

Okay, nice to meet
you, detective. I guess your partner is done trying to scare me? He did a
pretty shitty job of it.

 

Yeah, fine, I’ll talk.

 

You say that I’ve been
arrested for murder, but you didn’t tell me who you think I killed.

 

Yes, I have...in Iraq.
They don’t call that murder. Not all killing is murder.

 

One confirmed kill for
sure. Maybe others.

 

Trophies?

 

Fine, whatever, I
tried. My CO wouldn’t let me.

 

An ear.

 

An ear, an ear! Like
this, on the side of my face, a fucking ear.

 

I told you my CO
wouldn’t let me.

 

It was a firefight,
oddly enough not in Baghdad, outside, in the desert. We came under fire. They
tried to set off an IED, but it malfunctioned, it didn’t go off correctly, just
sort of fizzled out. They should have regrouped, but instead started shooting.

 

No.

 

Can you even imagine
the stupidity? The explosive was...I don’t know, it smoked and crackled and
fizzled, but didn’t actually explode. There were five of them, behind the
dunes, just jumped up and started firing like morons. What fucking idiots. If
your bomb doesn’t go off, try again later.

 

I don’t know. We were
all ready at that point. We knew it was a failed IED. We were all conditioned
at that point, no newbies. Those idiots should have left well enough alone.

 

Yes, I’m very glad
they didn’t. Five rag-heads dead, not a drop of American blood spilled—that time.

 

What goes through
their heads? Like I said, we were ready for them. It was a good five seconds
after the failed bomb when they all just jumped up and started in. We were
ready. I already had my weapon facing the dunes. They popped up, Blam! I got
the guy right in the face. In Basic, they tell you body shots, center mass,
body shots. But some of those fuckers have body armor. Most don’t, but some do.
All those robes and towels and shit they wear, it’s difficult to tell. I’m an
expert shot, ya know. I qualified expert. The guy was less than fifty yards
out. Clear head shot, and I took it.

 

Probably, I probably
killed others. That was my one confirmed kill. In my sights, he almost popped
into my sights. I only altered the rifle a bit. His fucking nose in my sights,
and I gently squeezed the trigger. You have to gently squeeze, too much
pressure, and the round won’t go where you want it to. You probably know that,
being a cop. Simple, simple. IED goes off, we all go on alert raising our weapons,
mine is pointed at the dunes, guy pops up, I aim, squeeze the trigger, guy
falls over. Confirmed kill.

 

No, it doesn’t bother
me at all. The fucker was going to kill me.

 

Probably, but that was
my one confirmed kill. I was in several firefights, but that was my one
confirmed kill.

 

No, I left it all in
the desert.

 

The madness is in the
desert. I left it there.

 

Some of the guys
aren’t doing well. I sleep like a baby. I guess Lim goes to meetings for PTSD
shit. Tsarkowski tried to off himself, but I guess he’s doing better. I’m fine.

 

I left it all in the
desert. The madness, out there in the fucking dunes.

 

No, that’s why I moved
here. I’m from California. After I got out, I couldn’t take the heat anymore,
that’s why I’m here. Fuck California. Fuck Iraq. Fuck the heat. Fuck the
desert. I left all that shit in the desert.

 

Near the coast is
nice, but all the rest of Southern California? A huge, massive, fuck-all
desert.

 

It’s been years man,
I’m doing well.

 

I never murdered
anyone. War is not murder. You fuckers told me to go there anyway.

 

Okay, not you in
particular. My high school guidance counselor, my parents, I needed some
discipline, they said. Well, now I’m fucking disciplined like a motherfucker.

 

No, I’m not mad at
them at all. Why would I be?

 

No, they were right. I
was out of control in high school. Partying, drinking, drugging, fucking. The
Army taught me self discipline and I’m a better man for it. It teaches you that
you can do things you never thought possible, be someone you never thought you
could be. I’m happy for it.

 

I didn’t fucking
murder anyone!

 

Trophies?

 

Yeah, fine. I told
you, an ear. I didn’t actually take it. My CO stopped me. Yeah, he happened to
be there. He wasn’t usually there when we went out. Other guys took trophies,
but not body parts. I’m not sure what came over me.

 

Why is it sick? Native
Americans used to take scalps. That shit happened all throughout history.
People used to eat the hearts of their enemies. That shit was happening in World
War II, Vietnam, people used to do that shit. No, not everyone, but some
people.

 

No, eating hearts was
a long time ago, but there are stories of people taking trophies, as you
call them, much more recently.

 

Look, I didn’t even
intend to do it. I just wanted something. McClarsky had a beautiful, ornate
dagger he found, something from Middle Earth it looked like. Like he went to
fucking Rivendell to get it. Other guys took shit too.

 

From Lord of the Rings.
Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t surprise me you don’t know it. If you told me you were
illiterate, it wouldn’t surprise me.

 

What? You’re accusing
me of murder. Not my fault you don’t know Tolkien.

 

No, they didn’t take
ears. We’re not supposed to loot, but it happens. I just wanted something, a
trophy, I guess you could say. The guy didn’t have anything. I almost did it
without thinking, the human ear comes off pretty easily.

 

I told you, my CO
stopped me. He yelled at me to stop, that’s when I realized what I was doing. I
almost did it without thought. I seriously didn’t realize it...I mean I did,
but I wasn’t thinking, it was like I was doing something I was used to doing,
like a habit, like something you do all the time and don’t even think about
while you’re doing it, like driving, or making coffee, something you are so
familiar with that it’s like second nature.

 

No, I left it there.
They go through our shit anyway, McClarsky had his dagger confiscated later.

 

Yes, I did.

 

I told you, I left
that shit in the desert. I suppose it bothered me, but it all stayed there. I
sleep like a baby. I’m well-adjusted. People die, I left ‘em all there, in the
desert, along with the crazy.

 

War is hell, as they
say. It brings out a madness, a crazy.

 

Yes, I know crazy is
an adjective. It still brings out a crazy, not a craziness. Some people get
over it, like me. I left it all there! Others don’t, pussies like Tsarkowski
and Lim.

 

I don’t give a shit
about talking about it. Doesn’t bother me.

 

I’m fine, all good.
Well... I take that back. I’m in fucking jail, asshole. I didn’t murder anyone,
dipshit. I haven’t killed anyone since Iraq.

 

Okay, sorry. That’s
why I’m answering your questions. I want to go home. I don’t kill people...or I
mean, murder them. There has to be something I can say to convince you.

 

Stop asking me about
the war, that’s not why I’m here, is it?

 

Yeah...so, ask about
that.

 

Yeah, I know her. She’s
the one who died? That’s a shame.

 

Fine, I’ve got nothing
to hide.

 

Two nights ago. She
came back to my place. We got together.

 

What do you think I
mean?

 

Yes, sex. I fucked
her. Happy?

 

What’s with you and
trophies?

 

Sex trophies?

 

Yeah, fine. Bras,
okay? I started doing that in high school.

 

Bras, you know,
brassieres?

 

I don’t know. I
started doing that back in high school. I slept with a girl who forgot her bra,
then another one, pretty soon I was collecting them. I got a lot of them in
high school. The first two were almost accidental, the girls just lost them, or
forgot them.

 

No, I don’t remember
how they could have forgotten them. I think one girl told me she couldn’t find
her bra, and I helped her look, but I found it the next day. Then...I just kept
it. After that, I thought it was interesting to collect them. I would work at
it, hide their bras, snatch them when they weren’t looking. Then later, pretend
to help them look for them. One girl I paid her. I asked her for it, she asked
my how much I thought it was worth, I said ten, she wanted twenty, so I gave
her twenty bucks.

 

No, only with girl’s I
slept with. It wasn’t a conquest to have a bra with a girl I hadn’t been with.
It would be like cheating. Like a game hunter who mounted an animal’s head that
he didn’t personally kill.

 

No, I suppose I didn’t.

 

I don’t care what
collections you show people, this was more private. Besides, I didn’t think
that people would understand. They would probably act like you’re acting right
now, all judgmental and shit.

 

Yeah, sure you’re not.

 

If you wanted to help
me you would let me go.

 

Look, I’m really sorry
something happened to Simone. She was fine when she left my apartment.

 

I told you that. Fine,
we hooked up at the bar, you know The Metro, a couple blocks from my apartment.
I like that place. If I drink too much I can walk home. You should appreciate
that, detective. I do my civic duty, a law-abiding citizen and all that shit.

 

No, I had seen her
around before. She and I were acquainted.

 

I don’t know, I think
she hooked up with a friend a few months ago, that’s how. I really don’t remember.

 

I think it was around
midnight. We went back to my place, had a few drinks, got together. You know,
did the deed. She was gone when I woke up in the morning.

 

Leaving anything out?
Yeah, fine, I took her bra.

 

Navy blue, I think.

 

B-cup, I think. I don’t
really remember. Not D’s though, they weren’t that big. I don’t know what this
has to do with anything.

 

Besides bras? Fine,
sometimes jewelry.

 

A ring, an earring,
once a nose ring. I don’t usually take it though, that’s almost like stealing,
because that stuff might be valuable. Ya know? It might have cost some serious
money. Bras can be replaced rather inexpensively. I’m not a thief, per se.
Maybe I just like a little reminder of my conquest.

 

No, I’m not a sicko.

 

That happened, once,
in war! What branch did you serve in, detective?

 

That doesn’t surprise
me. How many times have you fired your weapon in the line of duty? Not at the
practice range, but how many times have you been shot at and you fired back?

 

That’s what I thought.
You didn’t serve your country and you have never fired your weapon on duty. So,
in essence, you have never been in battle. Why am I talking to you? Are all the
real cops busy this evening?

 

Yes, I know her.
Something happened to Cheryl too?

 

If you want me to talk
to you, then you have to talk to me too.

 

Look, someone is trying
to set me up. Maybe even Simone and Cheryl are trying to do something funny.

 

That’s how people get
revenge on me if they feel they have been wronged. Without a badge and gun, I
guarantee you wouldn’t fuck with me.

 

More?

 

Okay, many missing girls
this last year. I suppose you think I made them all disappear?

 

I don’t know why.
Where did you find Simone?

 

What do you mean?

 

You don’t even have a
body?

 

Why the fuck am I
here?

 

What’s that to me if
no one has seen them? How is that my problem? Go look for them instead of
harassing me, why don’t ya?

 

How can you even
arrest me if there isn’t a body?

 

What smell? My
neighbors are weird. They fucking smell.

 

So I’m being charged
with a stinky apartment? That’s funny, because you mentioned murder earlier.

 

Yeah, yeah, you are
trying to help me, blah, blah, blah. You’re the good cop and that asshole who
was in here before is the bad cop, right? He didn’t scare me.

 

Yeah, fine, I’ll look
at them.

 

What the fuck is this?
Is that... is... is that a... nose? Is that a severed nose?

 

Yes, I know what
metonymy is. I’m surprised you do. That’s a big word for you.

 

Ooh, wow, you read
Shakespeare? Whatever, you don’t even know who Tolkien is.

 

It’s when you use a
part of something or something associated with something else to represent the
whole, or another thing. For example, saying Washington DC instead of the US
government. Or, the phrase, “All hands on deck,” when you obviously want all
people on deck.

 

Why do you think my
mentioning of hands is ironic?

 

What does a nose ring
have to do with anything? So what if I said it?

 

Fine, I’ll look at
more pictures.

 

These are fingers and
ears? They don’t all look it.

 

Okay, so some have
rotted. I don’t know why you are showing me these.

 

One thing, that
happened years ago, in battle, where you fight for your life. You can get a
little crazy. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would ya, pussy?

 

Ooh, another picture. Fine.

 

Those look like...tits?

 

Yeah, breasts,
whatever. That’s disgusting.

 

I said it was disgusting.

 

Well, I’m sorry I didn’t
act a certain way, but that doesn’t mean shit. I can control my emotions.

 

Yeah, well, cops piss
me off.

 

No, the couldn’t have
been—

 

At my place?

 

Bullshit!

 

I...just collect...
bras. Nothing like this.

 

No, she was
struggling, I just wanted her bra...then why did I have a knife?

 

Oh my god.

 

I want an attorney. I
refuse to say anymore without an attorney.

 

This isn’t real. It
can’t be. I left it all out in the desert. I’m normal. I’m sane. I... I left all
the crazy out there... in the desert.