On The Choosing Of Headgear For Penguins

As you probably know the WWF has proclaimed that today is to be the first ever Worldwide "Donate A Hat To A Penguin Day". With the ever-worsening (they say)threat from global cooli... er... global warmi... er... climate chang... er... climate doing something or other that may or may not be all that unusual... or not we can’t be quite sure... er... then.... it has become absolutely vital that the world’s penguins are provided with hats, and – quite possibly - scarves.

The WWF all firmly believe that allowing each individual penguin within a species to have its own choice of headgear would be an administrative nightmare, and somewhat aesthetically displeasing as well as quite probably looking a bit silly. Therefore they are all agreed that each species should have its own style of headgear.

However, controversy has struck this otherwise entirely laudable endeavour with the WWF at loggerheads with the patron of this charity, the legendary Sir David Attenborough, over what are the most suitable kinds of headgear for each individual species of penguin.

Now, even Sir David Attenborough seems to be at one with the WWF when it comes down to the choice of a deerstalker for the King penguins, and he is prepared to concede that maybe for the emperor penguins a top hat should be more than regal enough. however, where the WWF and the esteemed naturalist do seem to be at loggerheads is over the choice of headgear for the rockhopper penguins, with Sir David opting for the bobble hat while the WWF feel that the flat cap seems more appropriate. Furthermore, the chinstrap penguins as you probably realise are a somewhat specialised matter when it is time to choose suitable headgear.

However, both Sir David and the WWF feel that this is only really a peripheral mater, and - no doubt - it will be resolved to the satisfaction of all in the fullness of time.

I will – no doubt – keep you informed if and when the matter has been successfully resolved and - most importantly – how to donate what I’m sure will be a substantial amount of money to this vital endeavour.