Holy Tax-Inspector Immersion Day

Now, as the spring at last begins to evade the winter’s frosty claws, we must get ready for Holy Tax-Inspector Immersion Day. For now is the time to prepare the Holy Immersion Custard, so that it has time to fully mature in readiness for the great day itself.

Of course, the children will be getting excited too. Each probably already demanding to be the one to hand up the traditional Holy Tax-Inspector Immersion Day decorations, such as the withered bunch of daffodils hung upside down from the mantelpiece, the buttered goat in the hallway, the precise traditional arrangement of liquorice allsorts on the top surface of the DVD Player. No doubt, they will also be looking forward to wearing their special Holy Tax-Inspector Immersion Day outfit of bobble hat, sequined strapless bra, leather granny-bloomers and green wellies with white spats.

Over the last few years there has been a growing trend among teenagers to add a motorised twirling - and illuminated - bow tie to the traditional Holy Tax-Inspector Immersion Day costume. I - for one - can see no real harm in this. I believe that our traditional festivals must evolve with the times, or be lost forever as times change and move on.

Anyway, I must close now, as I have to oil our local bank manager in readiness for the great day itself.

Good night, and Happy Holy Tax-Inspector Immersion Day to one and all!