RIse Of A Tyrant
By Hakan
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Chapter 1 The Wolf
‘Sometimes
I wonder whether I should kill myself or everyone around me.’ - King
Balder of the Wolf Clan. ‘I remember when the hawk and the others killed
my mother and father. Do you remember Bjarter?’
‘How could I forget.’ ‘What's done is done but the war is not over
yet’ said Balder. ‘What do you mean, the war is not over yet,’ asked Bjarter.
‘It's not. Not until I have my vengeance.’ ‘Ahh leave it be Balder more
bloodshed won't resolve a thing.’ Ha, it won't for sure but how can I
ever forgive them?’ ‘Do you remember how they came with the ships and
took the city?’ Bjarte looked down and did not say anything. `I asked you a question Bjarter.` ‘Yes I do.’ ‘Then its settled we shall make a rebellion’. `Will the other clans join us?` ‘i am their king am I not.’ You are not a king remember? Brother you are a
lord. The hawk spared you in return for your loyalty as lord.’ ‘Pha so
what? The people still hail me as their king.’ ‘The other clans might
not join us even some may betray us. They could fight alongside of the
Hawk,’ pointed out Bjarter. ‘If they fight alongside the Hawk they fight alongside the Hawk so what. Some may betray us yes but the
most will join us.’ ‘They have 8 kingdoms brother they outnumber us at
least by 8 times.’ said Bjarter.
‘Soon I will have my opportunity. Soon I will have my vengeance.’
‘Forget this business and lead your people to prosperity and peace.’
demanded Bjarter. Balder said nothing. He cut himself with the knife again as he is used to. After some time he said:
‘I know how we will take them down. Other kingdoms. They are under the hawks rule. Maybe they want their freedom too. First we shall negotiate to take down the Hawk and then after we kill them
all we shall take vengeance on the other kingdoms one by one for they
had doing in that massacre as well. Those little rats. I thought about
it a lot. Send a raven to all kingdoms except for the Hawk invite them
to fiest there I shall talk them to attacking the Hawk.’ ‘What if we don’t go to war at all,’ asked Bjarte. ‘Do as I tell you. Come on go.’ Bjarte did as he was told. He wrote a message to all of them one by one. He
started drinking ale. ‘This will end bad. I can feel it,’ he thought to
himself. Days passed and It seems like they all ignored the invitation
to a fiest. ‘They mock us. I can feel it,’ said Balder. ‘Well perhaps they are afraid to come,’ said Bjarter. Soon enough brother. Soon enough they will fear us. ‘I believe it time for council, brother’ Bjarte pointed out. ‘Oh yes, it is time to meet.’ Balder and his council
members gathered in the council chambers. ‘How is the shipbuilding
going,’ asked Balder. ‘Well my lord we are doing all we can we are
working night and day to deliver your wish.’ ‘Good, Good we need them
for our final victory.’ ‘Out final victory?’ Balder smiled and said:
‘Soon enough you will understand’
Anybody has a proposition or a complaint? I want to keep it short today. Everybody said:
‘as you wish my lord’ and stood up. Someone said:
‘We have some small business noting important it can wait for tomorrow.’
‘Great, see you all tomorrow’
They all left and only Balder and his brother Bjarter were in the room. ‘Why is all the hurry brother’
‘Because
I wanted to speak to you. I make you my first general and from now on
you will plan with me privately about the invasion of the Hawk. Come
with me.’ He took his brother to the maps room. ‘There is a sea that
divides us. Fastest road to the capital is through the see. Out fleet
will sail directly for the capital. And there we shall fight until we
take the city.’ ‘Come with me,’ said Balder. He took him to the
shipbuilders. He took a piece of wood in his hand and said 'Here with this I shall conquer the world’ ‘I see it's too late to change your mind, Brother. So wee attack the capital
through the see. Ok the battle will be long and bloody. Thousands will
die. And the other kingdoms want us dead. How are we supposed to fight 8
kingdoms?’ ‘I understand you. But what if they are too scared to attack
us after we conquer the Hawk. If we kill them all, they will have no
king to be led by. No cause to take. They will be afraid to attack us.’
‘I see that I cant change your mind. Ok so be it, Have your war. I will go to make alliances with the other houses.’ ‘Ill give it to someone else you are my first general. You must stay by my side.’ ‘No brother. If you want something to be done right then do it yourself. That is why I must go.’ ‘I understand. If you want
it so much than do it.’ ‘Want it? I don’t want it. Iam doing what's
best for the realm that’s all.’ ‘Good you are a good man.’ ‘Bjarter left the room. And started preparing for the journey.’
Chapter 2 the raven
The
little boy from House Raven was using a bow to launch projectiles to
practice targets. His father was observing him from the balcony. He saw
his father shadow and looked to him. He nodded to keep on using the bow.
He was nervous now that he knows his father is watching him. The old
raven was in his sixties. Very strong build and as charismatic as a good
leader should be.
He draw the bow as much as he could, and he accidentally let go. It slipped.
And Completely missed the target. But before he could draw again
somebody hit the bullseye. Edward the old raven looked around to see
him. So did the boy and everyone else. The little sister of the boy came
out of nowhere with a bow in her hands and she did a mocking face to
her brother. The boy threw the bow away and went for his sister angrily
she ran away and so he chased her. The old raven went inside. Shaked his head condemning the kids. ‘Kids will be kids. I guess’ he thought.
One of his subjects brought him a piece of paper. ‘What is it?’ He
asked. ‘ It’s a message from the Hawk but I don’t know what it says my lord I did not open it’. ’Well open it and read it’. He red it and went white as a ghost. Edward knew it was something bad but what
could it be to turn the old subject to white? ‘What does it say?’ asked
Edward. The subject looked back and forth from lords face to the
message. ‘Give it to me’ said Edward and took the message from his
hands. What it said left Edward white as a ghost too. The massage said
that the king was dead. His sons were dead some time ago now he. No one
left to take the throne after him. What that meant was a civil war.
Among all the kingdoms. For supremacy. ‘We need to gather supplies and
gather troops. Immediately’ said the Raven. ‘Indeed my lord’ ‘Shaw I sound the horn and gather a meeting at the halls.’ ‘Yes you do that and I shall send ravens to propose pacts for not attacking with
whoever we can. We don’t want this fight. Mark my words we don’t want
it’ said Edward. Its is not up to us my lord it is not up to us. The horn was blown and people gathered at the halls. Listen everyone. War is upon us. The
king is dead. Now who will rule upon all the kingdoms? Anyone who kills
the most man. Just like the last war. People panicked but after a while
silence felt dead, scary silence. Lord Edward came and sat in his
throne. ‘Ok people no need to be scared the walls will hold. I promise
you that. I wrote to every house to make peace before even the war
began. I am sure that they will be reasonable enough. And above all we
have great soldiers if they don’t like the peace they will get my sword. I promise to protect you with my life.’ The scared people now cheered. Edward went back to his room. ‘Oh the eight hear me protect my children from any harm and take me if you
will’ prayed the Lord. Jackob came to his father. I hear there is war
going on? ‘Not yet but soon enough’. ‘What are we gonna do?’ We shall make peace and stay inside that’s all. ‘But we could gain
freedom and rule ourselves again, father.’ You don’t know what war is
like, boy. And you don’t want to know.’ Why hide when we can gain
freedom?’ asked Jackob. ‘You are too young to undertand that’s why now go away I have work to do.’ So, he went away. The old Raven opened the old maps. And thought of stratagies. One of their neightboors were the Lion. Ancient and powerful house much more large and powerful
than the raven. ‘War is imminent it was foolish to think that we can
make pacts. I know that now. But if we can allie with the lion than things will be different. I shouldn’t have proposed pacts of non-attacking it made us look weak. Oh , the eight I should think before I do, I know that. I should calm
myself. Steamy head does not work well. This is my last mistake. I must
relax and think 10 moves ahead of my enemies.’ So, he poured some ale
and sat on his chair. His life came ‘what is it with the horns,
Edward?’. Edward didn’t speak for a while. He said ‘All of that later. I
need some time alone.’ He went outside. Took some of his man and said
that they are going to hunt because hunting makes his head calm. As they
were hunting a boar almost took his life. It jumped out of nowhere.
Could this be a sign from the eight? I wonder What is the kingdom of
Boar up to. They hunted and hunted until dusk. Edward took a bath and
went for supper. On the table were his life and children. They all
wanted an answer to what is going on and what we will do. Edward though
and though and said:
'Nothing
Is going on. Don’t worry and leave it to me.’ as he calmly took a loaf
of bread. ‘What do you mean don’t worry we are at war’ said his life.’ I
am with you father. I will fight beside you’ enthusiastically said his
son
‘I have no doubt in that’ said the Lord. Fighting? You will stay with me, Jackob. ‘No I will protect this family's honour’ they fought back and forth. Edward
was annoyed by the fight and he hit the table with and said ‘enough’.
‘I will see to it that no-one gets hurt in this war.’ ‘And you will
respect your mother more from now on. You hear me boy?’. Jackob looked
down in respect. The supper continued in silence. In Edwards head one
thought was going on. Will there be an alliance with the Lion? If not,
things could get very bloody. The next day a strange man came. A strange
man from strange lands. ‘My Lord there is somebody who wants to see
you.’ ‘Who wishes to see me?’ ‘He says that he is the brother of the
wolf and son of Halfdan the Black.’ ‘Ok lets meet him.’ They walked and walked and arieved in the throne room where the wolf waited. Strange runes were on his
face. His hair long and black. His beard nicely cut. Very interesting
man indeed. ‘Bjarter son of Halfdan the Black. ‘I welcome you to these lands.’ He looked toward one of his subjects and said :
‘Give our guest some nice warm clothes. ’
‘To what do we owe the favour of this meeting?’
‘Well we have much to talk but in private.’
‘Why in private? State your business here let everyone hear.’
‘Well there might be enemies of the realm in here. That is why we must speak in private. I swear by the old ones we must speak in private’
‘As you wish’
Bjarter went to change his clothes. Because his own clothes were wet. After he changed his clothes. He opened the door to go out and meet with the Raven in privite but the raven was behind the door. ‘Ok wolf tell me what is going on.’
‘Lets sit and I will tell you’
They sat around the fire the storm got only worse.
‘So where do I began? Do you want your freedom Raven?’
‘What do you mean my freedom.’
‘You know what I mean the hawk has ruled for far too long we need our freedom.’
‘A treasonous statement’
‘Treason?
They have killed every man and woman in our capital. What about that.
They rule not by right but by might but if we get together we can win. We all should join forces against the hawk and declare freedom.’
‘Interesting. I wonder what the other houses will think of this.’
‘If you join they will join too.’
‘If they join you then I will join you too.’
The wolf smiled and said:
‘Great all of this wasn’t for nothing after all. I was thinking that I would come for noting.’
‘And besides now the Hawk is ruled by the generals and the council the king is dead,’ said the Raven.
What? The king is dead?
Yes didn’t you hear. He died. Noone knows how. Maybe it’s a murder
‘Who would do it?’
‘I was about to ask the same thing of you’
‘Tell the truth now. Did you do it’
‘No it wasn't me or my brother I can guarantee you that. I didn’t even know that the king is dead.’
‘Ok if you say so.’
The next day the wolf took the path to the hawk everyone would be there for the funeral of the king. Its just perfect. No need to go to all of the houses one by one.
Chapter 3 The Lion
‘Where are you goanna go now?’ shouted Richard ‘Where are you goanna go now?’. The king of the thieves touched the wall behind him over and over again as if it could disappear. ‘Ok, knight you got me. Let's split the gold’. Richards sword touched thieves neck. ‘Ok, ok have it all.’ said the thief. ‘It's time to bring you to
justice. Surrender or die’ said Richard. The thief surrendered. His
hands were tied and they started walking towards the exit of the cave. While they were
walking, they walked around dead thieves. The battle was long. Who knew
that these thieves would fight so fiercely. But anyway it was all over they were dead, and their leader captured. They put him
in prison and Richard went to rest but, on the way, he stumbled across
his father Lincester Lancaster. ‘What is this what happened again?’ said the old lion. As he
saw the blood and mud on his son's clothes. ‘Finally, we got him father
the king of all thieves. We got him.’ said the young knight. ‘Are you
mad? Didn’t I tell you to leave such work to other. You could have got
hurt or worse.’ ‘I did as I should do. As a knight should do. That’s
all’ said Richard. I will hear no more. You will not get out of this
castle no more. Do you hear me? Richard said nothing. After some time,
his father continued his path. He thought that the young knight
understood him. Richard’s square helped him take off his bloody armour.
And prepared a bath. Richard could finally rest. He looked like the
golden prince on the white horse that everyone has so much heard about.
Golden long hair, very charismatic face, strong and with blue eyes.
Everyone that beheld him they just knew that this is the man they heard
so much about the golden boy with the white horse from the stories. And
everybody loved him. He had read a lot of stories as a boy. Especially
about knights. When he saw his first tournament, he knew what he will
be. A knight even if his job is to take after his father to become a
lord. He strongly believed in the eight. Eight gods each symbolises a virtue . Balance, valor,
courage, love, honour, wisdom, loyalty and justice. 8 gods.8 virtues.
Somebody knocked on the door. ‘What is it this time’ asked the knight.
‘I didn’t want to disrupt you in your time of rest, but it is important’
came a voice from behind the door. ‘If you say it's important than come
in’. And came in ser Jaime the Bold. Old knight the master of all
knights in the kingdom of the lion. Or the region of the lion as it is
ruled by the hawk now, the kingdom of hawk but for how long? Ser Richard
grew with Jaime he was his square for long years. ‘So, what is it’
asked Richard. It is a message. From the hawk. What is it then? Well it
says that the king is dead. ‘Ok I shall go to honour his death’. ‘But
Richard king’s sons died some time ago too. ‘Do you know what that
means? The whole kingdom will go for war over who will sit on the throne
to rule them all.’
Chapter 4 The Hawk
‘Now that the king is dead who will rule,’ asked Aser. ‘Who killed the king is the most important question’ said Dolvar.
And the council started speaking over each other and shortly after that
they started fighting. General Asker came and hit the table with a
fist. ‘Silence!.’
‘I will tell you who did it. I know who killed the king.’ The room
fell in silence. ‘I have a massage from the raven. They want a pact for
non- attacking. He answers kings death like that I bet they had a doing in this. Everyone answered with grievance. They have send the same message to everyone else too. I say they did it.’ The council
started arguing again. ‘They killed our king I say we kill them all.’ ‘Yes shouted everyone.’ Asker proposed that he prepares a military campaign
with the other generals and ever
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Comments
Good morning. We have the
Good morning. We have the makings of a good story here. Lots going on, plenty to keep the reader interested.
But it does need a good edit.
Every new speaker should begin their own sentence.
You have some mixed tenses, missing apostrophes. A couple of sentence starts without capital letter and a couple with capital letters where you don't need them.
Some examples to give you a start on a tighten up :-)
Through the see ...sea?
I cant change your mind- can't
Than do it - Then
He draw the bow-drew
shaked his head- shook
He red it-read
Some time ago now, he- Incomplete sentence
Kills th most man - men
Sat in his throne - on
One of the neighbours wre the lion - was
Allie - Ally
Thank - then
You have some odd line breaks in the middle of sentences
Took some of his man - Men
On the table wre his life and children - at the table wife
He though and though - thought and thought
Arieved - Arrived
Began - begin
Come for noting - nothing
Just a few little change to make, but your characters are good and the story tells well. All it needs is an edit to tighten it up :-)
Thanks for the read.
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Welcome to ABC Tales
Hi, welcome to the site!
You've obviously put considerable thought into your world building, and it's always good when the reader can tell the writer is enjoying the narrative journey. On a practical note, I think it would be helpful to the reader if you make sure that each person's dialogue starts on separate lines. You've done this for part of the story, but there are sections where one line in the text has several different people speaking, and that's a bit confusing. Also the last line seems to end rather abruptly.
Please do keep posting - it's always great to have new writers here!
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