The Blue Bench

Staging: Centre stage, a bench, it has been painted blue. Down stage, stage right there is a desk and a chair, books piled up, a lamp and a skull on top of it and a plastic skeleton hanging next to the desk.

-It is important to note that there will be two actors, of similar build and height, playing John. They do not need to look facially similar as the audience will not see the injured Johns face. One for the scenes before the war and when he is watching his younger self and one for the scenes after his injury.-

-Spotlight on the blue bench, there is the sound of the park: birds, children laughing. Hold for ten seconds and then fade out as spotlight up on desk. Harold Gillies, sat behind his desk, writing.
Gilles: Patient one hundred and nine. Twenty one year old John. Took shrapnel to the face during the Spring Offensive. Mental state… unstable, most likely suffered from shell shock. Gaping wound where nose once was. Section of cartilage from one of patients ribs was implanted under forehead. Used section of skin from chest to create new nose by forcing the cartilage down to the centre of the face. Treated at Queen’s Hospital, Sidcup. Process and recovery slow. Pain seemed to be … (He pauses. Puts his pen down and runs his hand over his head)…excruciating, unbearable, inhumane.-

-The light goes from spotlight to warm wash. There is a knock at his office door.-

Gillies: (Cheerily) Enter.

-A nurse enters, holding the arm of a tall man, supporting him. His face is bandaged, leaving only small gaps for the eyes and mouth.-

Nurse: John for you sir.

-Gillies jumps up from his seat, taking the arm of the John and guiding him to a chair.-

Gillies: Please John. Have a chair. That will be all nurse.

-She leaves the room quietly.-

Gillies: John, my name is Doctor Harold Gillies. I’m going to help and heal you. We’ll go through the procedure, timings, expectations, what you can do with yourself while you’re here. There’s the local park, specific places that you can go and feel comfortable… the blue bench for example. But first I want to hear about you. I want you to tell me about you.

-As spotlight fades down, lights come up upstage.
As lights come up, a handsome young man comes on stage guiding a petite, dark haired girl with one hand. The girl has a colourful, light scarf tied around her head and she is giggling. In his other hand he carries a picnic basket. He stops, places the basket on the ground and takes the girl affectionately by the wrists.-

John: No looking. You musn’t look.

Grace: I won’t, I won’t. Where are we? It’s cold!

-He removes a picnic blanket from the basket and spreads it on the ground, placing the basket on top of it and also taking out a brown, new military jacket which he hurriedly puts on.-

John: You can look now.

-The girl pulls the scarf up from her eyes and blinks as her eyes adjust to the bright sunshine. Confusion across her face.-

Grace: What’s all this?

John: I’ve enlisted.

-Silence.-

John: What?

Grace: You want to go to war?

John: I want to do my bit.

Grace: What about me?

John: This doesn’t mean I don’t love you or want to be with you. I just feel like I need to do this. I’ve been talking about it for a while now.

Grace: I thought you just wanted to seem heroic. I thought it was your way of trying to impress me.

John: Well now you’ll have your very own, heroic, handsome soldier.

Grace: (snapping) Don’t joke about it John.

John: I’ll be Over There fighting for you.

Grace: I don’t need you to fight for me. I can look after myself.

John: I want to look after you.

-Silence. She stands and stares at him, taking it all in.-

Grace: I thought we were happy. I /don’t understand.

John: /We are happy. I love you. Please don’t do this Grace.

Silence.

Grace: You’re really going to be a soldier?

John: I’m off to start training on Monday. It’s actually happening.

Grace: You’re going to be a real soldier.

John: I suppose so.

-She goes over to him and strokes the rough material of his military jacket.-

John: Sit down. I got us some cider from the larder. Mum won’t know it’s gone.

-They sit and John goes into the basket, bringing out a bottle of cider.-

Grace: So you’re going on Monday?

John: Nodding. Yes. Monday.

Silence.

Grace: Are you nervous?

John: No. It’ll be over soon. I won’t be out there long enough to get nervous.

Grace: Mum said James down our road went Over There at the beginning, and when he came back on leave, he was completely different. His mum said it was as though he’d gone away her son and come back just the skin and bones, as though his mind wasn’t really there.

John: I’m not going to change.

Grace: How do you know?

John: I just do. I’ve got you haven’t I? Why would I change when I’ve got a girl like you to come back to?

Grace: You better come back.

John: Of course I will.

Grace: But you don’t know that do you? Mary’s brother died, she’s stopped coming to Church. Her whole family kept saying he’d come back but he didn’t.

John: I can’t stay here working in the shop while other, brave men go Over There. I’m young and healthy, I should do my bit.

Grace: (Under her breath) you should stay here.

John: Don’t be like that. Please. I love you. I’m doing this for us.

-She lays her head in his lap and peers up at him, cupping his face with his hands.-

Grace: I’m going to miss looking at you. This face, that stupid look you do when you think you’re being funny. That cheeky side smile when you know someone’s admiring your looks.

-He grasps her hand and kisses it.-

John: All for you.

-She nods and closes her eyes, holding back tears. John moves onto his knees.-

John: Will you marry me?

-Silence. Grace stares at him.-

John: I haven’t got a ring, I can’t afford it yet, but I will, I’ll put everything towards one when I can, and towards the wedding. When it’s all over we’ll have a spring wedding at the church and every one will come and celebrate because it’ll be the end of the war and the beginning of our new life.

Silence.

Grace: No. You can’t ask me that. You come back here when it’s all over, at Christmas and you can ask me that. Then you have to come back. Then you can ask me. Promise me you’ll come back and ask me.

John: But I…

Grace: Please.

John: I promise.

-Fade out. Light fade up on Harold Gillies in his office.
He is sat on the edge of his desk, as the nurse sits in one of the chairs opposite his desk.-

Gillies: Has he been walking? Going out of the grounds?

Nurse: No sir. He won’t leave the ward.

Gillies: I thought he’d at least venture out when he had the clay mask from London. He knows it’s only temporary?

Nurse: He said it itches.

Gillies: So he’s talking?

Nurse: He wrote it down sir.

Gillies: And you’re sure he hasn’t had access to any mirrors. It could be that his mental state has deteriorated because he’s seen his reflection. It would be a nasty shock for him. That’s why I try and wait until the skin has healed and is no longer swollen before they do see themselves.

Nurse: There’s not a chance he’d of looked in the mirror sir. There simply aren’t any in the hospital and he’s never been out without his bandages on.

-Silence. Gillies is pensive, he rubs his chin.-

Gillies: He could be such a success story. A couple more operations and a few months for healing and the changes will be phenomenal. He’ll feel better. But he won’t if he doesn’t let himself. Have his family been?

Nurse: He won’t take visitors. Not since…

Gillies: No. Understandable. That poor man… will you bring him in?

-The nurse nods and walks out of the room. Gillies flicks through some files absentmindedly, shutting them and looking up immediately when the nurse brings in John, still completely bandaged.-

Gillies: Ah, John. Thank you for seeing me. Would you mind if I saw how the wound is healing?

-John says nothing but shrugs his shoulders as if to say he doesn’t care.
The back of John’s chair is to the audience so that they cannot see what Gillies is revealing. He unwraps the bandages slowly and carefully and then looks at his face from many angles, not disgusted but extremely interested in the development of the healing process.-

Gillies: It’s certainly starting to look good… better. There’s a bit of puss but that’s okay, means it’s all healing. Getting rid of any nasty infection that we didn’t manage to cut out.

Silence.

Gillies: So now that’s all healing up nicely… how are you doing?

-John shrugs again, reluctant to talk.-

Gillies: Still not wanting to talk? Right well we’ll have to see what we can do about that. You’re a promising chap, don’t let yourself down. (Pause.) I’ll get the nurse to come in and bandage you up again. Then maybe go for a walk around the park?

-Lights fade on Gillies office. Lights up on stage to reveal injured John on stage, sitting on the blue bench. He has a long coat on and wears a scarf around his neck that is pulled up over his nose even though it is a warm summers day. He is smoking a cigarette, having to pull down his scarf and place the cigarette in between the bandages. He pulls the scarf back up after each exhale.
John and Grace are walking onstage hand in hand, Grace is wearing a light, colourful summer dress. As they walk on the sound of park life: birds and children playing, begins. He walks with his shoulders back, proud to be wearing a uniform and to be holding the hand of, in his eyes, the most beautiful girl. She stands still, forcing him to stop and turn around. The blue bench is towards the back of the stage. The couple do not notice the man sat upon the bench who is watching them. He stubs out his cigarette as soon as he sees them.-

Grace: Can we stop walking for a minute. I feel a bit dizzy.

John: Sure. Are you alright?

Grace: Yer. Course.

John: You don’t look it. What’s the matter?

Grace: Nothing. Just feels like we’ve been walking for hours.

John: We have been.

-Silence. John looks down at Grace, contemplating her face. He quickly swoops down, picks her up under her arms and spins her around. She screams and giggles, weakly attempting to get down but enjoying the attention and closeness.-

Grace: Put me down! Put me down!

-He places her back on the ground, slowly and delicately.-

Grace: (still giggling). I was dizzy you idiot. Now I’m even more dizzy.

John: Got you smiling though didn’t it?

-She attempts to hide her smile but cannot.-

John: I’ve got a bit longer until the bus comes, and I can see it arrive from here anyway. Let’s go and sit down.

-He goes and sits down on the opposite side of the stage to Howard Gillies office and she follows. Grace sits, picking at blades of grass. John begins to smoke a cigarette.-

Grace: Since when do you smoke them things?
He inhales too deeply and coughs.

John: They all smoke them over there. Gives ‘em something to do when it’s quiet.

Silence.

Grace: Do you think it’s ever quiet over there?

Pause.

John: Probably. Yer. Sure it is.

Grace: Mum says that sometimes at night, she can hear the bombing, when it’s really quiet. But I never can.

-Grace pulls her knees up around her and looks around the park. She notices the man sat on the blue bench. He notices her looking and puts his head down. Grace continues to look.
Silence.
John finishes his cigarette and glances at her. He taps her on the shoulder and whispers.-

John: Hey, you’re not supposed to stare. That’s why it’s painted blue.

Grace: I wasn’t staring.

John: You’ll make him feel awkward. The whole point is to help them not to feel uncomfortable.

Grace: Help them not to feel uncomfortable or help us not to feel uncomfortable?

-She stops looking at the man on the bench and turns around to look at John. He kisses her on the forehead.-

John: Funny little thing aren’t you?

-She pretends to be upset.-

Grace: Right! That’s it!

-She gets up and starts to walk off quickly, a smile across her face. He runs after her and grabs her, holding her by her waist and kissing her passionately. She is on her tiptoes. It is a very open and youthful gesture of love that jars with the image of the hunched man on the bench.
They embrace and John smells her hair.-

John: Mmm. I’m going to miss that smell. You’ve always got such sweet smelling hair.

-Grace stands flat on the ground again and turns away from John who seems confused by this.-

John: What?

Grace: For a second, I forgot. Forgot where you’re going, what you’re doing, what might/ happen.

John: /Don’t think like that. (He hugs her from behind). It won’t be for long. I’ll be back here within a few months, knocking on your door at 9 in the morning for a cup of tea with your Nan and then ready for a nice long walk with you.

Grace: I don’t want any of that to change. I like things how they are.

John: So do I. I love things how they are. And you’ll see. When we get back it’ll all be just as it was.

Grace: Promise?

John: (Laughing playfully). How many promises are you going to make me keep woman?

-Grace gasps and turns around, hugging him tightly, not able to let go she sobs into his military coat. He holds her and soothes her.-

Grace: (Barely audible) I love you.

-They stay holding each other for a while. Sound in the distance of the bus and its horn. They both freeze at the noise.-

John: I’ve got to go.

Grace: Please. No.

John: I’ve got to.

Grace: I don’t want to see you go.

John: Then don’t look. (Pause.) I’ll keep my promise. I’ll be back so soon.

-Silence. She sobs and unties the blue and gold silk scarf that is around her head.-

Grace: Take this with you. I know it sounds silly but I think I’ll feel better if you have something of mine with you. For luck. As if I’m there with you.

John: Of course.

-He places the scarf in his inside pocket and kisses her softly on the lips. At the same time that John puts the scarf away the man on the bench (John) reaches into his inside coat pocket and pulls out the same scarf. He looks at it and then up at the situation. He listens.-

John: I love you.

-He grips her arms in front of him, looking into her eyes, unable to tear himself away. There is another blast of the bus horn.-

John: Right. You go first quickly and then I’ll go. Then you don’t have to watch me leave and it’ll be like I’m still here.

Grace: I love you.

-She embraces him quickly and then runs off in the same direction they came on.
John watches her, and when she is gone he takes a deep breath, picks up his bag and goes to walk off. As he walks past the bench he stops, the man on the bench has a cigarette in his hand and is searching in his pockets for a pack of matches. John reaches into his pocket and pulls out some matches. He turns around and says to the man who is still sitting there.-

John: Here you go. I’ve got another packet in my bag.

-The man doesn’t take them so he leaves them on the arm of the bench and walks off. When John disappears, the man reaches down and takes the cigarettes, lighting one.-

-The noise of the park fades and the lighting changes to a wintry setting, dark and dismal. It should be obvious that the season has changed. He finishes his cigarette and takes out Grace’s scarf from the inside pocket of his jacket. He pulls the scarf down and puts the scarf to where his new nose is as if he is trying to smell it. He scrunches the scarf up in frustration and throws it.
Grace walks on stage, wearing a heavy, dark winter coat and hat. She notices the blue bench, puts her head down and walks with pace across the stage. She then notices the scarf on the floor and bends to pick it up, puzzled. John pulls his own scarf up round his nose quickly.
Grace looks around her for a sign of anybody and eventually looks at the man on the bench.-

Grace: Is this yours?

-The man shakes his head.-

Grace: Sorry, no, of course not. I just couldn’t see anybody else about.

-She stands awkwardly trying not to look at him.
Silence.-

Grace: It’s very cold out here. Are you okay?

-The man nods quickly.-

Grace: I was just on my way to the shop, I could walk with you to the hospital if you’d like. It’s not far.

-The man does not move.
Grace sighs and appears to be picking up the courage to look at him. She turns and realises that he is fully bandaged so becomes more confident.-

Grace: Can’t you speak?

-The man shrugs.-

Grace: I hear Doctor Gillies treatments are astonishing now. Really modern and effective.

-The man gets up to walk away.-

Grace: Please. Don’t walk away. I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just… my fiancé’s a soldier you see. (John looks up at her use of the word fiancé). I haven’t heard from him in months and I think I’m going a bit mad.

-She laughs slightly. The man sits back down. She looks around and then gestures to the bench.-

Grace: May I?

-He nods and she sits. -

Grace: I think you must be very brave, to be a soldier. My fiancé, John, he’s very brave.

-She tangles the scarf in-between her fingers, looking at it, still puzzled.-

Grace: It’s funny, I gave him a scarf just like this when I said goodbye to him, just over there.

-She seems to be in her own world.-

Grace: I would give anything to see him again. Or not even see him, just talk to him, or receive a letter. I don’t understand why he would have stopped sending letters. Unless… Pause. My friends say I should move on, they say I should stop waiting, that he’s not worth it … but I don’t think I can. Even if he never comes back, I will never stop waiting. I’ll never dance or flirt with another man in my life unless it’s him. I’ll just live my life as if it’s already over.

-Awkward silence.-

Grace: Sorry. I’m sure this is the last thing you want to be listening to.

-John makes an unusual grunt noise and reaches nervously to place his hand on her knee. She becomes tense and anxious and stands up.-

Grace: I should be going.

-She goes to walk off.-

John: (huskily) Grace.

-Grace freezes, her breathing has become quicker. John coughs, clearing his throat as he speaks his first words in ages. He sounds as though he has a cold.-

John: I’m so sorry.

-She turns around to look at him and gasps.-

Grace: John?

-John nods and moves towards her but she takes a step backwards.-

John: (Muffled) I know this is …(he takes the scarf down from his face to reveal his bandages so that he can be heard clearer)I know that this is strange and difficult to take in but…

Silence.

John: Are you alright?

Grace: You’re at Dr Gillies hospital?

-He nods.-

Grace: Right here in Sidcup? (Pause) How long have you been here?

John: …Six months.

-She gasps.-

Grace: (tearful but angry) You’ve been here for six months and you didn’t let me know? You let me think you might be dead!

John: I thought I might as well be.

Grace: (Painful laugh) You didn’t see me or talk to me because you were feeling sorry for yourself. What about me John? What about your parents… do they even know?

John: No! I didn’t want to put you or them through this. Why would you want to be with a deformed man. I thought it’d be better if you forgot me and moved on. But when you called me your fiancé and said you didn’t think you could move on… I couldn’t help myself.

Silence.

Grace: How bad is it?

John: Bad enough.

Grace: For what?

John: For you not to see it.

Silence.

Grace: What happened?

John: I was hit by shrapnel. I lost my nose and Dr Gillies has tried to reconstruct it.

Grace: You… you haven’t got a nose anymore?

John: I have a new one now.

-Grace looks shocked.-

Grace: Let me see.

John: No.

Grace: Why?

John: Because I don’t want you not to love me.

Grace: I won’t not love you because of how you look, it’ll be because you ignored me for six months! Because all you’ve done is sit on that blue bench because what? You wanted to be invisible? You didn’t want anybody to see you… not even me!

John: Please. I’m sorry.

Pause.

John: I’ve tried to avoid seeing you, and if I have seen you I’ve walked in the opposite direction. But what you said just now, it gave me hope.

-Silence. Grace looks away, she is crying.-

John: If… If I show you, and you’re okay, then can I… can I keep my promise and ask you?

Grace: Well a promise is a promise.

-John sighs. He walks in front of her with his back to the audience and begins to unravel his bandages. -

Grace: Wait! (She is breathing heavily) I don’t have to see your face to know what my answer will be. You don’t have to show me.

John: I need to. I haven’t even seen it myself yet. I need to know if you can cope.

Grace: I don’t care. Please, don’t do this.

-He continues to unravel the bandages and Grace closes her eyes.-

Grace: I’m not going to look. Not until you ask me. I love you whatever John.

-He finishes unravelling.-

John: Okay then.

-Grace opens her eyes and looks directly at John, thinking that he still has his bandages on. She lets out a scream and looks away, sobbing wildly. John pulls his scarf up around his face.-

John: (Angry) How could we ever be happy when the site of my face reduces you to this. This is why I have sat on that blue bench for months watching the world go on around me because I shouldn’t be seen!

-He walks off with pace, not looking back. Rose is still spluttering and sobbing. She tries to call after him but she is in shock. She falls back onto the blue bench, shivering and sobbing. -

Lights fade, come up on the front of stage, dark enough so that the details of Johns face cannot be seen. They come up slowly, revealing both the injured and pre-war John. They are both stood opposite each other, but there is the frame of a stand-on-its-own mirror in between them. They mirror each other’s every movement.
They are both facing the mirror. They have a scarf covering half of their face. They pull this down and there is a sharp intake of breath. Their breathing becomes heavier. They use their hands to trace the outline of the face where the glass of the mirror should be, as if touching it and then hesitantly touch the flesh of their actual face and grimace. They look away and reach into their inside pocket, pulling out a hand pistol from the war. Shaking violently, they place the end of the pistol in their mouth. Lights fade.

Spotlight up on Gillies office, the exact same lighting state as at the beginning of the play. Gillies is in the same position and writing.
Gilles: Patient one hundred and nine. Twenty one year old John. Took shrapnel to the face during the Spring Offensive. Mental state… unstable, most likely suffered from shell shock. Gaping wound where nose once was. Section of cartilage from one of patients ribs was implanted under forehead. Used section of skin from chest to create new nose by forcing the cartilage down to the centre of the face. Treated at Queen’s Hospital, Sidcup. Process and recovery slow. Pain seemed to be … (He pauses. Puts his pen down and runs his hand over his head)…excruciating, unbearable, inhumane. Cause of death… suicide, gunshot to the head.