A Picaresque Tale : A : December & January

25 December - Monday.
Nothing changes. At mum's flat with mum Poppy and my sister Belinda tucking in to turkey and trying to stop mum drinking, before lunch, though not after. From experience we know the dinner isn't worth eating if she's drinking from breakfast on. Luckily she was only really out of it post-queen's-speech. My brother in law, Chester remained sober unfortunately, and we were bored with yet another rendition of the Charge of the Light Brigade. He is a ringmaster at the circus but couldn't get a show going if his life depended upon it. Belinda and her daughter Delphine stuffed themselves with my chocolates and it is now one long snooze from 4 o'clock on. Nothing stirred till the Bond film when Belinda became suddenly transfixed on 007's gun. Although I thought interest dropped off in Chester many years ago 007 seemed to rekindle some long-lost flame. Mum tried to get rid of them before a scene erupted. Delphine is only seven.

26th December - Tuesday.
I thought I would take stock of my presents. If anything I will always accept money. I didn't get any, so I could not go out and buy what I wanted. Mum Poppy always smells like a garden of roses, so thinking I need to do the same, gave me some of the most appalling aftershave and deodorants. Once I had applied the same I hardly felt I was a man. I know Dennis from two doors away would have been all over me like a rash and that would have ruined my Christmas. He's one of them and, I think, thinks I am. I am a red-blooded male, interested in anything that wears a skirt and fills out a blouse. I'm beginning to think Poppy doesn't want me to get married. All my other presents I could either eat or wear: no expensive antiques or rare artifacts again. Where am I going wrong?

27th December - Wednesday.
I am staying at mum's flat all week, though it is difficult. The camp bed is uncomfortable and I'm doing my back in. Poppy is so busy doing her backcombing I don't think she notices I am suffering. I think that must be why Dad left her. Forever dressed in lame and chiffon and clanking with jewellery and countless coloured beads, Poppy is a law unto herself. As she does no housework and the cleaner is having time off for Christmas, I tidied up the stray tinsel and the turkey bones from under the sofa.

28th December - Thursday.
Mum was complaining today of feeling lonely and said she must get out more. She's been divorced from Dad for years now, but never had a boyfriend. I think the time has come for her to break out. She is sick of dressing herself up like a Christmas tree for only Belinda and me. Yes, it is hard but I don't think we can deny she wants a man. At 50 she thinks it isn't too late, just a bit of a challenge. I don't know, I can't imagine anyone fancying my mum. But then I suppose some people like jam tarts, so there may be some hope.

29th December - Friday.
Poppy received a card from Belinda and Chester today inviting us to go to their's for New Year's Eve. They said how much they enjoyed Christmas Day, like they made out every year. I don't think Poppy was surprised. She was too drunk to discern the boredom anyway. I'm looking forward to seeing my niece Delphine again. She is only seven, but very capable. Her job in the circus is to ride on the back of the Palomino horses in only a tutu. Belinda helps her mount, while Chester is quite capable on his own. Belinda is always looking for new acts for herself. At the moment she is spinning on a wheel while Chester throws knives at her. Nothing changes!

30th December - Saturday.
Mum went out for the night and I was left in on my own. She got back plastered, but depressed. Apparently she had been turned down by four men, all of whom she quite brazenly propositioned. The doorman at the club was willing, but she didn't fancy his glass eye, leering toothy grin and wooden leg.

31st December - Sunday.
The fun, the frolics, the sheer fantasy of it all. We sat through the entertainment by Belinda and Chester. You'd think a circus act would provide more than Snap and a few brandies. Delphine is the real star; she did a dance from one of the shows. The sideboard is chock-a-block with her cups and awards. The two dogs, Trixie and Dixie were not well behaved. They didn't like the fireworks on the stroke of midnight. Trixie bit me and Poppy got a woopsy on her new dress, courtesy of Dixie.

1st January - Monday.
Last day at mum’s flat. Surprisingly both Poppy and I had a hangover, though from what I can remember we weren't exactly plied with drink. We'd probably had plenty before we got to Belinda's. Poppy's New Year resolution is to find a man. It wouldn't be wrong to say mine is similar, only of course, I want a woman. We are both looking for that special person that probably doesn't exist, has never existed and never will exist. In preparation Poppy was manicuring her nails. As for me, I threw out the aftershave she gave me for Christmas. At least I might stand some chance now of attracting the opposite sex. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants Dennis, even if they are queer.

2nd January - Tuesday.
I was thinking yesterday about resolutions for the New Year, and I suppose I have made one. But also I think one must catch up on what's been left out of life. Time goes by so quickly, and there's only so much time to do things. I think we have to be circumspect. Life is a rich pattern. As I look at Belinda and Chester's circus act and Poppy's beehive hairstyle, I ask myself, have we explored life's central mosaic. This year I am determined to do so. I am back at the flat. The heating is not working properly. Sometimes I wish I was retired to the south of France. It would be good for my back. After staying with mum it is aches and pains again.

3rd January - Wednesday.
Who was it that said, “Life is short, brutish and harsh”? I am convinced of the truth of it, because at eighteen I am sure my hair is falling out. What could be more brutish and harsh than that? It is also telling me that I will not be young forever. I do not feel old. Forty is old and they say when you get to forty even forty isn’t old. It just seems so when you are eighteen. I am thinking of having a new hairstyle. I know the girls will love me, no matter what.

4th January - Thursday.
It was snowing today. The ground was covered with it. I went out briefly to the corner shop and on the way back some boys threw a snowball at me. Luckily it missed. I ran after them, but like the deviants they are, they got away. I will have to get them some other time.I think I will have to apply for a grant to make my flat warmer. I am sure I will qualify. I am that hard up, the council would probably finance a new central heating system, let alone roof and door insulation. The heaters in the flat are still on the blink; sometimes they are working and other times they are stone cold. I wonder if the timer is kaputt.

5th January - Friday.
I suppose I was lucky to have my book published at all. I saw it in the bookshop today for the first time. There it was in all its glory - 'Shades of Sin' by Ashley Redbridge. It has been out for six months but the local bookshop has just managed to obtain it. There is nothing like living in a metrolopis. I am still waiting to be paid for it. I don't think it has sold many copies. Last time I rang the publisher Peacock-Elliott, they said they hadn't heard of it. Eventually they put the cleaner on, and she said it was getting to the shop at last.

6th January - Saturday.
My pen pal in New Zealand wrote to me today. After making me completely jealous about the weather out there while I am shivering in my very humble flat in Britain, he said he had obtained a copy of 'Shades of Sin'. Apparently, he hadn't had time to read it yet. He was too preoccupied with the beaches of New Zealand. Sometimes Robinson gets on my nerves.

7th January - Sunday.
Went to church today. Gilchrist was giving the service. Henrietta read the Lesson. They are both very friendly people. I haven't told either about my book. The title alone precludes any sort of free dissemination of information. I don't want them thinking I'm corrupt. It'll be no surprise if nobody buys my book.

8th January - Monday.
I got a letter from Peacock-Elliott today. The sales figures are abysmal. I didn't think
they would be that bad, even when I can't tell my church-going friends about 'Shades of
Sin'. Truth is Henrietta probably knows more about sin than I do. I am going to pluck up
courage to tell her about it. I must sell some more copies. I really don't know if it's worth being
a writer at all. The palpable rewards are negligible. It is at times like this that I think I'm wasting my time. May be I left school too soon. Possibly the reading public find my style immature. I passed GCSE English, just - what more do they want.

9th January - Tuesday.
Maybe one's shibboleth should be 'Never Despair'. Things can seem awful, but one must never give up. I know now I cannot possibly live on my book alone. Maybe it would be easier to live on the books content: sin. I cannot quite honestly see myself walking the streets. I am leaving that to the ordinary mortals I went to school with. Apparently several of them have formed a gang, and they hang around the library every night when it closes.

10th January - Wednesday.
Delphine called at my flat today. She wanted to tell me they are performing at a nearby town, and asked if I would like a complimentary ticket. I can't wait, but only because I am sure Belinda and Chester will make absolute fools of themselves. Delphine, as always, will steal the show. It is because of things like that that I live in hope; there's always going to be something to laugh at. Although not a natural optimist, Belinda and Chester can tip the balance.

11th January - Thursday.
Managing money is difficult. I have to find my fare to the circus. As I haven't budgeted for it I'm eating beans on toast twice this week, instead of the usual once. I will have to knock the heating off earlier at night. Money, or rather the lack of it, is a cause of stress really, and it is at times like this I feel I am being pulled all ways. I have been devising ways of saving money ever since I can remember. I think a lot of the trouble is my tastes are out of kilter with my means.

12th January - Friday.
My tastes are definitely out of kilter with my means. I bought six books at the bookshop when I can't afford one. I have to have my fare for the circus, so it will have to come out of my savings account, and I didn't want to touch that. I am wondering if Poppy will help me. She has income from her ironing business. She told me she ironed 300 shirts last week, and her arms were dropping off. She might lend me a tenner.

13th January - Saturday.
Went to see Poppy. She was chain-smoking as usual and I could see my fare to the circus going up in smoke. When I asked her to help me financially she curled up in a ball and started screaming. She never was one to co-operate with altruism.

14th January - Sunday.
Although I missed going to church today, I saw Henrietta in the paper shop. She was beaming broadly and didn't say anything about my non-attendance; very understanding I thought. When informed of 'Shades of Sin' she blushed, but assured me she would buy a copy.

15th January - Monday.
It was the circus performance today. Belinda surpassed herself. I thought I had seen everything until I saw her enter a one and a half meter deep tank and swim with a crocodile. It is her latest trick. What a pity her sequined top came adrift in one of the croc's teeth. The applause she got was rapturous, but then she isn't lacking up top. Chester is thinking of capitalising on this latest attraction for a new show, but Belinda said the circus is primarily for children. When Delphine was asked about the showdown, she chuckled with delight. Perhaps Chester is right after all.