Christmas Diary

Christmas Eve:

Woke up thinking it was Christmas Day. Went running downstairs to start opening my presents, then Mum told me it was still only Christmas Eve. I thought she was joking at first. Whoops!!! Then I had to spend all day watching her and Dad get drunk and sing along to Christmas carols out of tune. Now I’m going to watch The Muppets’ Christmas Carol, followed by The Wizard Of Oz, and Mary Poppins. When Mary Poppins is over, I shall leave out the milk and cookies for Santa and his reindeer.

Christmas Eve: (3:00 AM)

A noise from downstairs woke me up. I excitedly went running downstairs, thinking Santa had found the milk and cookies, only to find Dad scoffing them all. After a silent argument, he reminded me that I was twenty two, not two, and then proceeded to tell me I should have left out a glass of Jack Daniel’s. The cheeky bugger!!!

Christmas Day:

This time I woke up, and it was Christmas Day. Went running downstairs to open my presents, with the feeling of déjà vu. A Doctor Who box set, a new pair of trousers, and a couple of R’N’B CDs. I bored everyone to tears by putting on a Doctor Who episode. Then we all gorged ourselves on the roast turkey Mum had (Ahem) cooked. Mum and Dad didn’t want to watch Doctor Who. (I don’t know why) We’re watching Matilda instead, while pigging out from a box of Roses. I’m starting to feel a little sick…

Christmas Day: (2:30 AM)

Sitting with my head down the bog, throwing up. Mum told it was my fault, I’d eaten more than half a box of Roses to myself. That’s not making me feel better.

Boxing Day:

We’ve still got mince pies, tins of chocolates and Pringles to eat. Plus we’ve got The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe to watch. I’ve got the film on DVD, and it’s one of my favourites, and I’ve watched it a thousand times. I’ve begged Mum to stick on Doctor Who, but she said no. I don’t know why. Doctor Who is awesome. She should watch it, I told her. She just turned Narnia up even louder. Cow!!!

Boxing Day: (2:30)

This time, I’m not praying to the Porcelain God. I am lying in bed thinking, at last Christmas is over. No more sweets to eat. No more films that I’ve seen so many times before to watch yet again. I’m thinking about just running around the house right now, tearing down the decorations…