The Elephant Salesman (Part 2)

“Mr. Pickles!” said Charles O’Day. “Take a letter!”

Mr. Pickles grabbed the quill with his trunk and made several violent stabs at the ink well.

“You seem irritable this morning, Mr. Pickles,” said Charles O’Day. “Are your bowels treating you well?”

“My bowels are just fine,” he said. “It’s this business with the peanuts!”

“Peanuts?” said Charles.

“Why must every fool and his grandmother feel it necessary to shower me with peanuts? I hate the infernal things! Have you ever tried opening one of those things with no fingers? I’ll bet not! Yet, I can’t walk two feet without some dim-witted tourist pelting me with those nasty little legumes. They do nothing but attract ants and goodness knows what else!”

“You mean squirrels?” said Charles.

“Dang you, O’Day!” said Mr. Pickles. “I’ve asked you not to mention those dreaded creatures in my presence!”

Before meeting Mr. O’Day, the elephant, who was quite fond of peanuts, kept the company of a squirrel named Simon. Simon was his good friend and official nut cracker. That is until Simon found love in the arms of a two humped camel named Chavi. The elephant was devastated.

The distressed pachyderm was later discovered in a local Congo watering hole by Mr. O’Day, who had wondered in with quite a thirst after having spent the better part of the week trying to sell - with little luck - Florida time-shares.

Overhearing Mr. O’Day relating his tale of woe to the bartender, the tusked one suggested he try selling elephants.

“Elephants?” said Mr. O’Day.

“Elephants,” said the elephant. “I know many who would jump at the change to leave the Congo for something more exotic and cold. Alaska, perhaps. Or the Arctic. Some place not so sweaty.”

“I would need a sample elephant,” said Mr. O’Day.

“And that sample would have to travel.”

“I’m at your service,” said the elephant.

“An elephant salesman,” mused Charles. “I’ll bet you I’m the only one!”

With that the two raised their pints in a toast, and Charles passed the bowl of pickles over to his new and ravenous looking, traveling companion.

“Try one,” said Charles. “They’re quite good. The little gherkins are especially good.”

It didn’t take but one bite for the elephant to know there was more to the world than peanuts and squirrel friends.

“Do you have a name?” said Charles.

“Pickles,” he said. “You can call me Mr. Pickles.”

***

"I'm ready to take that letter, Charles," said Mr. Pickles. "Just don't mention . . . you know."

"Got it," said Mr. O'Day. "Let's start. Dearest Veronica, I write you from the Amazon, and boy do I have a tale to tell!"