The House Across the Street

I

The house across the street is very quiet. Unusual. There’s always something going on there. Guitars being played. Someone singing. Shadows in constant motion. Computer or TV screens flaring any time of the day or night.

But all is eerily quiet and dark. I know they’re in there. The mom and son have been home all day. I saw them from my window. The husband walked in a few hours ago with bags of groceries, and all three cars are still in the driveway. It’s not that I’m nosy, I’m just a concerned neighbor.
Who wouldn’t be?

The neighbors across the street are a strange lot. There are only three of them and a fish they call Fred. A mom, a dad, and a twenty something college student. Yet they have four large trash cans and four recycling bins. How do three people and a fish accumulate that much garbage?
Someone’s either leaving the house with a bag of garbage or returning with a bag of groceries. Like it was their job. Where do they get their money? No one seems to work.

Now here comes the girlfriend. She’s pulled up in front of our house. And damn if she’s not toting a bag of groceries and a six-pack of something!
Funny? She’s practically running across the street. From what? To what? She went in, but I don‘t see any lights going on. It’s pitch black in there! What the hell?

“Hey, Jim!”

“What is it, Joyce?”

“The neighbors have been home all day and now the girlfriend just walked in. And all their lights are out.”

“Maybe they lost their power,” says John.

“No," I say. “I can hear the air conditioner units. You know what a racket those things make. Maybe we should call the police.”

“Why don’t you just call the neighbors?” says Jim. “Their numbers on the Neighborhood Watch list.”

“Good idea, Jim.”
The phone rings and rings and rings.

“Damn, John. No one’s picking up! They don’t even seem to have an answering machine.”

“Call the police,” says Jim.

I make the call.

The police car is pulling up to our neighbors house and a lone patrolman is getting out from behind the wheel. He’s walks up to the door and rings the bell. Nothing. He knocks on the door. Nothing. Now he’s having a peek in the living room window. He turns in the direction of our house and shrugs. Nothing.

He goes back to the front door and opens it.

“Hello?” I hear him yell. “Anyone home?”

He stands there for a moment more than steps in and closes the door behind him.

We watch from the window and wait.

We’ve been waiting a good ten minutes and the patrolman has not come out. We are very concerned. Ten minutes is a long time when you’re watching the clock.

It’s now been fifteen minutes since the patrolman entered the house. And it’s as quiet as ever over there. Like he dropped off the face of the earth. My stomach is feeling a bit sick. We don’t know what the hell to do. Call the police again? At this rate we could lose the whole force!

John thinks he should take a walk over there and take one of his hunting rifles for protection. The thought scares the hell out of me.

While discussing this we notice a UPS truck pull up to the house across the street. The driver is getting out. He’s carrying a small box and goes to the front door. He rings the bell. Nothing. He knocks on the door. Nothing. He then leaves the box at the front door, gets back in his truck and drives off.

We don’t think anything of it until we see the door open. Then a hand reaches out from the bottom of the door and scoops up the package. The door slams shut. Silence.

John is loading his gun. I loaded mine this morning.

II

“I’ve been a nervous wreck all morning,” she told the patrolman.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Since we moved in about a month ago,” said Julia. “We were about to call the police and then you showed up.”

“Is that why you’re all sitting here in the dark?” said the patrolman.

“We got tired of being stared at,” said her husband John. “I can’t get up in the middle of the night to take a piss without finding one of those people staring at me from their bedroom window.”

”The UPS man is here,” said their son Jacob.

”Don‘t open the door!” said his girlfriend Sandra. ”I‘ll get it after the truck leaves.”

”This is ridiculous," said Julia. “Those people are really creeping us out.”

“Creeping us out is right," said Jacob. “Yesterday morning, as I was getting ready for school, I saw her going through our garbage. It was still dark outside, at first I thought it was that homeless women looking for returnable bottles and cans, but it was definitely her. I recognized the housecoat. She never takes it off. Like it was her uniform.”

“And now they’re walking around with guns,” said his girlfriend Sandra. “I saw them as I got out of my car. It was pretty scary. I could see them following me with their eyes. I couldn’t run fast enough. I was shaking so much I thought I was going to drop the groceries.”

“Guns?” Said the patrolman. “You sure about that?”

“I sure am,” said Sandra. “She was standing in the living room window with a cell phone in one hand a pistol pointing at me in the other. Her husband was standing next to her looking through the scope on his rifle.That’s when I started running.”

“I’ll go have a talk with them,” said the patrolman. “I’ve known the Ballard’s for ages. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

“We’d appreciate that,” said Julia. “We haven’t slept in two days.”

Dan Roberts, the patrolman, left the house and took a walk across the street to the Ballard’s.

He no sooner got to the door than it opened and Mrs. Ballard hugged him around the neck.

“Thank God you’re all right, Dan!” said Mrs. Ballard. “We were worried sick!”

“About what?” said Dan.

“We thought something bad happened to you across the street. You were in there so long and in the dark no less! We swore something evil was being done!”

“Evil?" said Dan. “I think you and Jim need to get out and do more. Maybe even go back to work. Retirement doesn’t seem to suit either of you.”

“Whatever do you mean?” said Joyce.

“Why don’t you go get Jim,” said Dan. “We’ll sit in the kitchen and talk.”

“Oh, shit!” said Joyce.

“What?”

“Jim’s gone across the street to find out what happened to you! And he took his rifle!”

“He did what!” said Dan, “How come I didn’t see him?”

“He was going to crawl through the basement window and sneak up on them.”

“Oh, of all the stupid--”

Then they heard the gunshot.

“For God’s sake!” said the patrolman. “What has that idiot gone and done!”

III

Sandra was the first to hear the noise in the basement. Then they all heard the gunshot and ran out the front door as the patrolman and Mrs. Ballard were running in.

”My husband’s in your basement!” said Mrs. Ballard on the run. ”Is he all right? We heard a shot!”

”How the hell should we know,” said Julia. ”We were running too fast.”

“Well, don’t this just beat all,” said John. “Now they’re in our house! And we’re the ones looking in!”

As the Kingston family stood on the curb waiting, they heard the musical charms of the ice cream truck coming down the street.

“Ice cream would do us some good about now,” said John. “You all in?”

As they sat on the curb lapping up their ice cream cones, Julia was the first to broach the subject.

“You think they’re all dead yet?” she said.

“How could they not be?” said John. “I set the phasers in the basement to stun and kill any intruder.”

“Oh, they are so dead!” said Jacob.

"I only hope he didn’t shoot the transporter," said Sandra. "We really need to get the fuck away from this place!”