Igor Gets Mucky

One morning, Igor took the Frankenstein monster on his first balloon
ride.

"You are in for a wondrous treat, my friend," said Igor. "Soon we will
be one with the birds. There will be no one up there to toss us insults
and sneers. Up in the heavens we will be as kings!"

The monster put down his Josie and the Pussycats luncheon tin, and gave
Igor a mighty hug.

"Kinnnngs!" cried the monster.

"Put me down and get in the basket, you big oaf," said Igor, "while the
wind is in our favor."

As Igor lit the flame that set the hot air balloon into motion, the
monster let out with a cry.

"Not like fire! Fire baaaaad!"

Igor had overlooked the creature's fear of fire, and was now paying
dearly. The wicker basket tumbled to and fro, as the hysterical monster
ran circles around the dumb-founded Igor.

"Stop your carrying on!" said Igor. "You'll cause me to --"

Before Igor had a chance to finish, he tumbled from the basket and
landed feet first, and up to his chin, in a field of cow muck.

He watched in horror as the basket carrying the creature swung about
like a maniacal pendulum.

"Not feel like kinnnng!" cried the monster. "Feel like Grandfather
clock!"

The swishing of a cow's tail, which was brushing the back of his neck,
momentarily distracted Igor.

Igor looked up in time to get a unique perspective on bovine
genitalia.

The cow looked down in time to see the expression on Igor's face as she
let loose with a noisy and gaseous unpleasantry.

Then the cow sat down.

"Geezes, bloody cripes!" moaned Igor. "I'm in bowels of bovine
hell!"

When the cow decided to move, Igor was dragged fifty yards before the
anal-retentive bovine gave him any slack.

Later, as Igor walked home to the castle, he noticed a familiar pair of
elevator shoes sticking up out of the muck.

"I'll get the bloody shovel," he moaned. "But remind me never to take
you anywhere. Ever!"