C ~ I have it by the coat-tails

Dear Balthazar,

Excuse me for not waiting for a reply, but I think I have it by the
coat-tails! Tell me what you think of this:

"Nobody's perfect, a good friend of mine once said to me. I believe
that good friend was right. Every one of us, from time to time, fails
outright - fails to be all the things we admire in each other, and
succumbs to the lure of what we despise. We break the law, we hurt
people, emotionally and physically, we endanger ourselves and others,
we waste time and food, and we abuse our bodies. Shame. It is as
compelling as gravity.

"But if I were to say there is a way you can take off, gravity be
damned? A way you can buy your way out of that shame and succeed in all
you do despite your in imperfections. You'd probably smile sadly and
say you wished it were true.

"It is. Morality, a fresh import from mysterious and deeply religious
regions abroad, is your ticket to self-esteem. No more will those
senseless or irrational acts of yours fill you will disappointment in
yourself. Why, you will even forget that they were ever senseless or
irrational in the first place! Morality is a long practiced art form,
and its masters are much respected around the world - it is the art of
using words and language in such a way as to toy with the very concepts
of what is good and what is not, continuously juggling them, so that
if, at any one time, you act with disregard for others, all that is
needed is the right ball in the air, and you will land on your feet!
The technique is used not only to satisfy yourself, and save you from
shame and humility, but to have an effect on others as well, so that
they no longer judge you to have acted shamefully. No more will the
eyes of those around you tell you that you are a man - they will tell
you, one way or another, that you are an angel!

"Morality is also an effective weapon of offence, if handled properly.
No longer must you slave away at life, never to move beyond the
equality of spirit you share with every person you despise. For the
first time ever, you can raise yourself to a plain above that of a man,
and simultaneously lower those around you to the status of dogs. With a
few carefully dealt words, you make it clear to yourself and everyone
else why that person, in fact, deserves to be held in lower esteem than
yourself. Finally - something can be done about those different to
yourself - whether cleverer or dumber - those who you cannot
understand! Not to mention murderers, thieves, rapists, liars and
cheats. But in fact, they needn't have done any more wrong than you
have - they could be your exact double. The trick is in rearranging the
states of right and wrong, those matters that have until now appeared
to be out of your hands, so that you hold all the right cards, and they
the wrong.

You needn't be limited to people either. Don't like frogs? Make it
plain to all that to do so is wise and good. Have difficulty
understanding high literature, or complex mathematics? Make this no
fault of your own, but a fault of the things themselves - tell the
world why it is an offence to reason that they even exist! What seems
impossible now is only a short read away. These chapters will introduce
you to how it is done, and give you a firm base from which to build
yourself into a master of morality."

I think you'll agree, Balthazar, that this is what's needed to bring
the Ablecticans up to date! I've written some more, of course, but I
haven't typed it up yet - I'll send it to you in the next letter. In
the mean time, I eagerly await your reply, and hope I've won you round
to this idea. It's not to late to lay claim to your share of the
booty!

Miao,

Sisyphus