The Fatberg

Perhaps it was simply a lifestyle choice

To be lilly-skinned and nebulous

While alas most of the rest of us

Amass useful muscles and worry lines

We fret through these uncertain times

But his fat was always layered thick

An aristocratic oil slick

Born flushed, elite and affluent

Removed from the common effuent

Unformed by daily sweat and toil

Uncarved by comprehensive school

And just in case, he married rich

To an honourable lady he got hitched

And why was she honourable? you ask

She just had lots of money - stacks!

But number eleven wasn't for her

She needed spare bedrooms, at least three or four

Papered and draped in daddy's damask

That's fifteen percent to his buttery ass

So ironic given his position

Surely an aristocrat, by definition

Has never had to sit and count

The pennies while the bills amount

Adding up, cutting down

Going hungry, shopping around

It's hard to believe that he's more able

Than folk who's finances were always less stable

Who do fiscal gymnastics at their kitchen table

The fatberg has heart though do not fear

We saw him shed an oily tear

For a fair haired old lady, iron-clad and bouffanted

Who gave the share-holders what they wanted

And greased the path for the lucky few

A slippery slope for me and you