I USED TO CARRY “I LOVE YOU”

I used to carry I love you
in my childhood
and blow it like soap bubles
to my mother sitting on the bench
in the playground

I used to carry I love you
on my belt
like a toy gun in a holster
and shoot it bang bang
at the friends I didn't have

I used to carry I love you
in my satchel
together with my school books
an autographed picture of Lana Turner
and a poem by Alfred Tennyson
and I took it out
when the girl with the blond curl
walked by me in the hall
between classes

I used to carry I love you
with the picture in my wallet
and wrapped it around
the lamp post at night
waiting for the one
that didn't show up

I used to carry I love you
in my mouth
words I was hungry to say
to her, to you, to anybody
who would listen
and I'd open it
hoping the butterfly
would flutter from my tongue

I used to carry I love you
in my heart
knocking at the walls of Jericho
looking for a door, a window
a crack in the ceiling
praying the walls
would come tumbling down

Now I carry I love you
in my dreams
and take it dancing every night
when the moon is full
and the streets are empty
in the twilight of my life

And as I've carried it
it has carried me
and covered my canvas
with splashes of color
and put sugar in my coffee
and syrup on my pancakes
roller blades on my feet
and wings on my days
to soar above beyond
and be free.