Scrap 70

SCRAP 70
The second part of the show is due to begin, and the MC introduces the next act. Sandy Cole, sprints onto the stage, juggling four clubs as he goes. He manages to reach his props table without dropping any of them and calls for his assistant, the lovely Lisa to join him. She comes on to polite applause and proceeds to supply him with an increasing number of brightly coloured rings, which he throws ever higher as the number increases, eventually managing to keep twelve of them in the air.
After returning them to Lisa one at a time he then startles the audience by asking her to hand him the next items: a saw, a hammer and an axe. The crowd wince and gasp as he throws the items up in turn, clearly having trouble keeping them from injuring his assistant or himself as the differently sized and weighted items pose a greater problem, requiring all his skill and concentration.
Finally he asks Lisa to hand him the chair, which he adds to his juggling items, throwing them most impressively. He finishes the act by making Lisa catch the items one by one then sitting on the chair with her on his lap. The audience clap loudly in genuine appreciation and the two take their bows and leave the stage.
The MC is beaming broadly as he thanks Sandy and Lisa for their stunning display, and then introduces the next act, Wild Bill, Impressionist Extraordinaire.
You know that the performer isn’t very good when he has to tell you who he is supposed to be impersonating. ‘Well who do we have coming down the road?’ asks Wild Bill. ‘Well if it isn’t Frankie Howerd. Ooh missus, put him down, you don’t know where he’s been.’
The audience sits silently, cringing at each of the impressions, none of which are recognisable. Bill carries on bravely until the end of his five minutes, bows to tepid applause and makes a swift exit.
The MC makes a swift entrance, quickly announcing the next act. ‘Now ladies and gentlemen will you welcome to the stage a young lady just twelve years of age who is going to sing for us and play the guitar. Ladies and gentlemen, miss Heather Troop.’
A shy looking girl shuffles into view, almost hidden by a large acoustic guitar. She seats herself on a high stool in front of the microphone and strums the introduction. Making a slip, the plays it again and launches into her version of ‘Blowing in the Wind.’ It’s difficult to assess who finds the performance more embarrassing as she misses notes and forgets half the lyrics. Her mother is visible from the wings, waving her on and making the poor girl even more nervous but she manages to get to the end and the crowd try to boost her morale by giving her a thunderous round of applause. She almost runs off the stage, is pushed back on by her mother and made to take a bow, then disappears into the wings.
‘It must be Uncle Frank’s turn by now,’ moans Robbie, who has been wriggling in his seat throughout the second half. But the MC calls another dance act to the stage and he has to sit through a ballroom dancing demonstration by a young brother and sister who would obviously rather be anywhere else than here.
At long last The MC struts back to the microphone to introduce the last act of the evening. ‘Please put your hands together for Mister Frank Ridley,’ he announces, stretching out his arm as he leaves the stage.
The spotlight falls on Frank, who is sitting at an ancient piano, wearing the suit he bought for his sister’s wedding and a floral shirt he bought at the local market. ‘I didn’t know he could play the piano,’ mutters Dawn. ‘There’s a lot you don’t know about Frank,’ replies Scotty.
As the opening bars of music sing out, the audience briefly applaud, recognising the song. ‘I found my thrill,’ begins Frank, in his clear voice, ‘on Blueberry Hill.’ The crowd begin to clap along in time with the music, as Frank gives a superb rendition of the Fats Domino classic. They whistle and shout for more as he reaches the end of his performance, stands up and takes a bow, but before he can make his escape the MC appears at his side, shakes his hand and thanks him for taking part. Under his breath he asks ‘you couldn’t give us another could you?’ The crowd are still applauding and calling out for more, so Frank obliges, with two Elvis numbers and finally singing ‘My Way,’ which brings the audience to their feet.
The Entertainments manager is looking at his watch, indicating that proceedings should be brought to a close. The MC calls all the contestants back on stage and the judges make their final deliberations. An envelope is handed up from the judges table and he reads out the results. ‘In third place and winning £25 in cash it’s Sid Gosling the Man with the Musical Muscles.’
Sid comes forward, takes the envelope containing his prize, thanks the judges and returns to the line-up of contestants. ‘In second place and receiving £50 in cash it’s……’ The camp musicians provide a drum roll and a few chords on the organ. ‘Frank Ridley; come and collect your prize Frank, and well done you were terrific.’
Frank takes the money, shakes the MC’s hand, bows to the judges and waves to the audience, who seem less than happy that he has not won.
‘And finally our winner of the week who wins an all-expenses paid week in September and a place in the Grand Final.’ He makes a performance of opening the last envelope and then reads out the name. ‘It’s Sandy Cole! Come on over Sandy, and congratulations.’
The audience applaud as Sandy takes his prize and calls to his assistant to take a bow with him. The evening is brought to a close and Scotty’s party leave the theatre, grumbling that it’s a fix, Frank should have won, everyone thinks so. But Frank told Pete Parker right from the start that he had no intention of taking part in the Grand Final so he’d better not win. Anyway, fifty quid is much more use to him that another week of this dross.