The Alun Problem

One morning, I was woken early by a hammering on my back door.  I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an excitable mood.

“It’s Elvis Jed,” he said, “He’s working at the Happy Island chip shop.”

“Are you sure,” I said, it seemed unlikely. “There are only two people living on Happy Island and neither of us is Elvis. Besides, Happy Island doesn’t have a chip shop.”

“Yes it does Jed, that’s what I’m telling you, Elvis has converted the empty house into the Happy Island Fish Bar.”

“It still seems unlikely,” I said, “Elvis’ death has been widely reported and even if he were still alive he’d be over 80 years old. Any ageing pensioner could claim to be Elvis, it’s hardly proof.”

“Come with me Jed, you’ll see it’s Elvis.”

I grabbed my coat and autograph book (however cynical I may come across I am at heart an optimist) and followed Alun across the island to the empty house, where, waiting outside, was a man I recognised. It was Alun.

“I don’t understand,” I said to the second Alun, “What’s going on, have you had an identical twin all these years?”

“No Jed, this isn’t my twin, meet Alun 2, my AI doppleganger.”

“So that’s what you’ve been doing in your spare time, I thought you’d been surprisingly quiet. You’ve built a robot version of yourself.”

“Yes Jed, and you have to admit he’s good. He even makes the tea for me in the morning.”

“But where’s Elvis?”

“Elvis isn’t here, it was all a ruse to see if you’d be convinced by my AI double, and it worked. You really believed Elvis was here on Happy Island working in the chip shop. You even brought your autograph book.”

xxx

The next day I was woken early by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an agitated mood.

“It’s the Loch Ness monster, Jed,” he said. “He’s here on Happy Island.”

“Are you sure?” I said, it seemed unlikely. “There isn’t a loch (or lake for our south-mainland readers) on Happy Island.”

“It’s living in the Happy Island Duck Pond Jed, come and see.”

I grabbed my coat and camera and followed Alun across the island to the Happy Island Duck Pond. However, there was no sign of the Lock Ness monster, just another Alun, waiting by the pond.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Where’s the Loch Ness monster?”

“There is no Loch Ness monster, Jed,” he said. “It was just another test to check you could be convinced by Alun2 even when you knew he existed.”

“How do you know I was convinced?” I said.

“You brought your camera, Jed, doubtless to take photos of the Loch Ness monster and send them to the Off-Mainlander magazine.”

xxx

The next day I was woken early by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an excitable mood.

“It’s Alun2, Jed,” he said, “He’s run away.”

“Are you sure,” I said, it seemed unlikely. “Surely a robot does what it’s programmed to do.”

“Not Alun2, Jed, I created him as a free-thinker. I didn’t want a simple mechanised drone, that would be no fun.”

“But why would he leave, I thought he was happy here?”

“He left a note Jed, he said there isn’t enough for a robot to do here. He’s gone to AI Island instead.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know you were fond of him.”

“It’s all right Jed. Anyway, let’s go to Happy Island Valley.”

“Why, what’s in the Happy Island Valley.”

“Dinosaurs, Jed. That’s what Alun2 was supposed to call round and tell you this morning. I’ve discovered a long-forgotten colony of dinosaurs that never died out.”

It all seemed highly unlikely, but I didn’t want to upset Alun by challenging him, so I got my coat and dinosaur-spotter’s guide and followed Alun to Happy Island Valley.