Scared

Scared

I'm scared
But not of you
Or of the dark
Or of the girl I was
Or of the woman I've become;
I'm scared because
Today
I'm not really having fun.
Oh, I can play the happy girl - I'm good at laughing,
Well-practised in the art of pretending that I'm smiling
When my teeth are gritted underneath my lips
With my tongue curled up behind
Holding in
The words that will ruin the moment
In case they slip
And shatter this
Like a hammer thrown through a sheet of glass -
That's how fragile this fakeness is,
That's how genuine my laugh.