JOSHUA’S WAND

"Hells bells and buckets of blood’ roared the Grand Wizard, and he slammed his hand down on the table in front of him so hard that the whole of the North Pole shivered and shook. It shook with such force that great lumps of ice snapped off the frozen mountainsides, crashed into the sea with a huge splash and quickly floated away southwards, as if they were trying to melt quickly and so escape the anger of the Grand Wizard.

On the edge of the ice a huge slippery looking walrus, his whiskers all dripping with sea water, lost his hold on the ice and slid backwards down the snowy beach, his great flippers flapping wildly. With an enormous SSSSPLOSH he fell back into the water he had just spent half an hour wobbling away from. Sea birds that had found slightly warmer places to build their nests flew up into the air in alarm, their screams of irritation echoing all around the icy mountains. Everyone stopped whatever they were doing, held their breath and waited to see what the Grand Wizard would do next.

Santa Claus, who was very busy in his grotto far underground, also heard the noise and felt the earth shudder and shook his head. “Oh dear!” he said. “The Grand Wizard sounds very upset. That’s bad news for someone, I wonder who it is.” Rollo, his chief packer, looked worried. “I don’t think it’s anyone in particular,” he said. “The word is that he’s been in a very bad temper all morning.” He looked nervously over his shoulder as if he expected the Grand Wizard to appear and turn him into a seal or an arctic frog or something. “I know this will sound rather silly,” he said to Santa Claus, “but I think he’s lost his magic wand. That’s why he is so angry.”

“Lost his wand!” exclaimed Santa Claus in alarm, “Oh no! I do hope not, I need the help of that wand if I’m to complete all my tasks on Christmas Eve. I have a little magical ability of my own but compared to The Grand Wizard I’m just a beginner. Make no mistake this is serious, without that wand we are in real trouble. Just imagine how disappointed all the little girls and boys will be if they wake up on Christmas Morning and find there are no presents in their stockings. It really doesn’t bear thinking about. If he has lost his wand then we must help him to find it, and quickly.”

As he spoke he pulled on his great red cloak and tightened the shiny, wide black belt around his waist. That done he covered his head with the hood edged with white fur, pushed his feet into his enormous black boots and trudged off up the stairs and out into the snow. He would have a word with the Grand Wizard and offer his help. It was of the utmost importance that his magic wand was found and Santa was the only person at the North Pole who would dare to go anywhere near the Grand Wizard when he was in one of his moods, but then he wasn’t afraid of anyone.

The Grand Wizard lived at the very point of the North Pole in a huge rambling castle that looked to those that didn’t know it, like a great ice mountain. No one had ever seen the real shape or size of the castle because it was always covered in snow and ice. All around the upper parts were deep snow-drifts and long fingers of ice hung from every edge of the roof and the window ledges. Some of the icicles reached almost to the ground and unless you knew where the entrance was, it would be quite impossible to get inside.

Santa Claus, of course, had been there many, many times before so he was able to make his way very quickly along the slippery paths between the towering ice walls and icicles to the huge white frosty gate. He lifted the heavy snow covered doorknocker and thundered on the door. Fluffy lumps of snow fell from the ledges above the door and dropped onto Santa’s head covering his bright red cloak and making him look more a snowman. Now Santa was getting irritated. He really was far too busy at this time of year to be messing about like this and now the snow on his cloak and hood had begun to melt and drip inside making him feel cold, wet and very uncomfortable.

A door in the corner of the huge white gate swung open, Bobbi, The Grand Wizard’s personal servant greeted him. His face wore a very worried frown but at the familiar sight of his visitor, his face creased into a wide smile of relief. “Thank goodness you’ve come,” he said gratefully. “I hoped you would. The Grand Wizard is in a most dreadful mood and is shouting at everyone that goes near him. We are all afraid he will start turning us all into something horrid so we are keeping well away from him.” He backed into the hallway behind him beckoning Santa Claus to follow, rubbing his hands together as if he were washing them and bobbing his head up and down all the time as he spoke. Santa Claus thought briefly that Bobbi was well named.

Before entering he knocked his boots against the door post to remove the snow that had gathered on them during his journey to the castle, ducked his head as went through the door and followed the retreating servant along the wide corridor leading to the Grand Wizard’s study. In contrast to the extreme cold outside the castle, he at once noticed how warm and cosy it was inside and wondered for a moment how the Grand Wizard had managed to achieve such comfort.

“Why is your master so cross?” he asked the little man in front of him “He is usually a very agreeable person, and I’ve never heard of him turning people into something horrid, not unless they have been very unpleasant or done something really awful.” Bobbi nodded his head vigorously. “That’s true enough,” he said. “But when someone as powerful as The Grand Wizard is angry I think it best to be on the safe side. Anyway now you’re here you can speak to him, even he wouldn’t dare to harm you, would he?” Santa Claus nodded, then stopped nodding, it suddenly occurred to him that having watched Bobbi constantly bobbing his head up and down, he had begun to do the same thing and with a beard as long as his he would very soon look ridiculous. Instead he just said “Well we’ll see. Now! Do you know why he is in such a temper?”

Bobbi looked over both shoulders before he replied then having assured himself they were still alone whispered ‘We think he’s lost his wand. If he has it means that he can’t work any of his magic spells properly. That’s why he is so cross. But he hasn’t said anything to anyone so we don’t really know. We’ll be ever so grateful if you can sort it out for us, life is so difficult for us all when he’s like this.” Santa Claus stopped himself from nodding again and replied shortly. “Well I’ll have a word with him and see what can be done.”

As they approached the huge room where the Grand Wizard carried out his experiments Santa Claus could hear a loud voice grumbling even though there was a thick wooden door firmly closed in front of them. Bobbi, now bobbing up and down even more vigorously than ever, knocked timidly on the door. “Go away!” roared the voice on the other side. “If you are not gone in two seconds I’ll turn you into a sabre toothed snail and throw you out onto the ice cap.” Bobbi shot a terrified look at Santa Claus. “See what I mean?” he whispered. “It really is safer to be somewhere else at the moment. Perhaps you can calm him down.” He turned and scuttled off back the way they had just come his head bobbing up and down furiously as he ran.

Santa Claus smiled to himself. If the Grand Wizard had lost his wand and couldn’t make his magic spells work properly, Bobbi and his friends had nothing to worry about, but the thought had clearly not occurred to them. He took a deep breath, grasped the white door handle, turned it sharply, pushed open the door and stood in the entrance. “Well I must say this is a fine way to greet an old friend.” he said, wearing his best smile. “A sabre toothed snail you say, that should scare a few ice worms I should think, but the boys and girls at Christmas won’t be too pleased. Sabre toothed snails are not very good at delivering presents on Christmas Eve you know. They find it difficult to balance the sacks on the top of their shells.”

The Grand Wizard didn’t return Santa’s smile, he didn’t find Santa’s remark the least bit amusing. He glared across the room at his unexpected visitor, no sign of welcome on his face even though they were old friends. “Well! What do you want?” he said rudely. “I didn’t invite you to come here. I don’t usually see you until Christmas Eve. There’s still a week to go so why are you here? I would have thought you had enough to do in your grotto without coming here to worry me! Go away!” and gathering his bright orange cloak tightly around his body he turned back to stare out through the thick clear sheet of ice that formed one side of his room like a vast window.

But Santa Claus didn’t leave as he had been ordered. He could see how very upset and angry his old friend was, but even so, he would not be intimidated and would not be spoken to so rudely either. Not even by the Grand Wizard. “Don’t you be so rude,” he said abruptly. “It is not at all attractive and is most unlike you, all your servants are in a state of terror and the entire North Pole is worried about you. Now! What is the matter? Have you eaten something that disagreed with you? I know that you do eat some very peculiar things sometimes and you do look very red in the face. In fact it looks quite spotty from here.”

The Grand Wizard, who was always convinced he was dreadfully ill even though he had never had a days illness in his life, rushed to a large ice-mirror hanging on a nearby wall and stared at his image in alarm. Satisfied with what he saw he turned back to Santa Claus and snapped. “I most certainly have not eaten anything peculiar, my face is not spotty and who is being rude now. Eh! !Eh? If you must know there is nothing wrong with me...honestly there isn’t, but…” here he slowed and his face really did begin to turn a deep shade of red and his voice again rose several octaves. “I am embarrassed to tell you that I have....err....err......LOST MY WAND!” The last three words were shouted at the top of his voice and again the pictures and mirrors on the walls rattled. He took a deep breath and said more calmly. “Yes, that’s what I said....I’ve lost my wand. There now I’ve said it. Have you ever heard of a magician who lost his wand. Eh? Eh? come on tell me! have you?’

The two old friends stood looking directly at each other across the wide, brightly lit room, each wanting the other to speak first. Then Santa Claus said quietly. “Come on old chap sit down and tell me what has happened, I‘ve never seen you so upset, you’ll make yourself ill if you go on like this.” He walked over to the Grand Wizard took him by the arm and led him to a deep comfortable armchair and gently sat him down in it. The Grand Wizard now feeling like a balloon with the air rushing out slumped heavily into one corner and looked up miserably at Santa Claus. “It’s even worse than that,” he groaned. “The wand was the special one with golden ends the Fairy Queen gave to me to celebrate my two hundredth birthday. What am I going to do?” he moaned even louder than before. “Who ever heard of a Wizard, and a Grand one at that, being unable to work any sort of magic, especially at this time of the year. How will you be able to deliver your Christmas presents to all the girls and boys without the help of my magic wand?”

To Santa Claus, this was the most important matter of all. There was always plenty of time to sort out problems after Christmas. As a general rule, the Magician’s wand, his own magical abilities and of course the even greater powers of the Fairy Queen soon cleared up any difficulties left over from the holiday and then they would all relax and plan for the next year’s Christmas. Without his wand....well it just didn’t bear thinking about. “Let’s think this through,” he said. “Tell me when you last remember using the wand. Were you working on an experiment and left it on a table somewhere, or were you out on the ice and using it to keep you warm, you know how cold you get these days.” He paused to give the Wizard time to answer. But the Magician didn’t answer, he just sat there with his head in his hands looking glum. “Come on don’t jut sit there,” said Santa sharply. “I expect an answer. Where did you last use it?” The Grand Wizard looked up at Santa. “You won’t believe me if I tell you,” he muttered, “I can hardly believe it myself.” Santa put his hand on his shoulder “Come on, out with it,” he said .”it can’t be that bad.”

But it was!
Taking a deep breath The Grand Wizard began his story. “It all began when Bobbi told me about a boy called Joshua who lives in a place called Hertford. That’s a long way south of here. He told his mummy that he intended to be the Bestest Boy in all the world. Now! Have you ever heard of any boy saying that before? I haven’t. So, I wanted to see how he would set about becoming the Bestest Boy in all the world. I thought.....well...I thought perhaps I might help him a little.” Santa interrupted his flow. “You didn’t visit him did you? You know that is not allowed during the year. The only time we can visit the girls and boys is at Christmas. You know that! If the Fairy Queen finds out what you’ve done, especially after losing the wand she gave you, well.....to put it mildly…..you’ll not be her favourite person.”

The Grand Wizard looked up gloomily. “Of course I know that, I just thought I could make a quick visit while Joshua was fast asleep, just like you do at Christmas. I’d have a quick look around his house and his room and be back here before anyone even knew I had gone. I wasn’t to know that his dog Dillon would be sleeping in his room that night. Dogs can see things that boys can’t and Dillon saw me. He started to bark. Joshua heard the noise and woke up. I only just managed to get out of the room without being chewed up by Dillon or seen by Joshua. In my rush to get out I must have left the wand in his room.”

Santa Claus didn’t know whether to continue to show his disapproval or laugh at the thought of one of the Greatest Wizards in all the world who usually couldn’t be seen by anyone if he didn’t want them to, being chased out of a bedroom in the middle of the night by a barking dog. He decided that if he laughed The Grand Wizard might fly into a temper again so he hid a smile behind his beard and asked how the Wizard had managed to return without the magic given by his wand. “I dropped it after I had given the command to fly,” he said sheepishly. “I couldn’t go back for it and as far as I know it’s still there.”
“Well we must get it back somehow,” said Santa Claus, “otherwise there will a lot of unhappy children on Christmas morning and the Fairy Queen will not be best pleased with us either.”

They both knew that there was only one way to resolve the problem and even though neither liked the idea of telling the Fairy Queen what had happened, without her help they had no chance of recovering that all important wand. They stood up and began walking towards the door. Far better to tell the truth and ask for help, than wait until the last minute when it would be too late to do anything and all the children in the world would have a horrible Christmas Day. They walked silently side by side on their way to the Winter Palace both knowing that the meeting with The Fairy Queen, the most powerful magician of them all was going to be very, very uncomfortable.

Joshua had slept well, probably because his brother had spent the night at his friend’s house and so wasn’t there to wake him up too early, as he usually did. He had had a super dream. He dreamed he had been visited by a Great Magician who had come to help him become the Bestest Boy in all the world. Unfortunately he hadn’t been able to speak to him because Dillon his dog had also seen the Magician and had barked at him furiously. The Magician had faded away immediately. But even so it was a super dream! Now he was wide awake, and remembering it was the second day of his intention to become the Bestest Boy in all the world, he a lot to do.

It was Saturday so his Mother and sisters were at home. His brother wouldn’t be home until late that afternoon. He decided to start by helping Mummy tidy the house, starting with his bedroom. He looked all around and noted the railway track with the engines and carriages left by his brother, the Pokamon cards, books and things of his own, and chewed scraps of paper scattered by Dillon, all across the room. The room looked downright scruffy. No wonder his mother got cross with them when she came to tidy up. Then he wondered.......last night as a special treat he had been allowed to stay up a little later than usual to see his Mary Poppins video. He had been very impressed by the way she had tidied up the children’s bedroom. If only he could do that. He would soon be able to tidy the whole house in no time at all. Surely that would show everyone he really was going to be the Bestest Boy in all the world.

He had been give a Magician’s outfit for Christmas last year, what if the wand that came with it could do the same as Mary Poppins had done? He thought he’d give it a try. Jumping out of bed he rummaged around in the toy cupboard trying to find the long black wand with golden tips. He found his wizard’s black pointed hat and put that on his head. That was a good start. Then he lifted the flowing black cloak off the hook on the back of the door and slipped it round his shoulders. Now at least he looked like a wizard. But he couldn’t find the wand anywhere.

This needed thinking about very carefully. He turned away from the cupboard intending to sit on the edge of his bed but as he walked past the door he trod on something hard and round, it looked like a stick brought in from the garden by Dillon. He picked it up, it had been chewed a bit by Dillon and the gold ends were golden no more but it was still clearly the wand he had been looking for. How did it get there? he wondered, but only for a second he was keen to try it out. Would it work like a wizard’s wand should? or would it disappoint him again? He had tried to make magic with it once or twice before, when he wanted to turn his Granddad into a frog, but he had never managed to make it work. Perhaps this time he would be lucky!

He put on his sternest face and pointed the wand at the centre of the room. Tidy yourself up and put away all the toys and things,” he commanded, but nothing happened. “I’ll turn it round so the last little bit of gold at the end points at the room.” he thought. He did so and repeated his command. “Oh yes!” he added “and be quick about it I’ve got a lot to do today.” To his great joy and, it must be said, his utter amazement the room became full of flying objects. Toys disappeared into cupboards and drawers, clothes straightened themselves out and then hung themselves up, his bedclothes smoothed out all the creasesand made the bed in an instant and even the pillows plumped themselves up just like Mummy did it. In seconds the room was spick and span and as bright as a new pin. Even Mary Poppins couldn’t have tidied the room more perfectly. Joshua didn’t know what to think. He hadn’t really expected the wand to work....not really. But it had. IT HAD!

Now he really could prove to everyone that he was the Bestest Boy in all the world. Who else could have done what he had just done? No one that he knew. He crept outside to see where his mother and sisters were. He didn’t want them to see his room just yet he wanted it to be a real surprise. His mother was standing in the front doorway talking to his Auntie Jay. Both his sisters were gossiping outside in the garden so the coast was clear. He put his head round the door of his mother’s room pointed the wand and whispered. “Now do the same for my Mummy. Tidy her room.” The same amazing thing happened all over again. In seconds his mother’s pretty, blue room was as tidy as his own.

His Mother was still deep in conversation with his aunt in the front garden so he very quietly but very quickly moved from room to room through the whole house and in a matter of minutes all was sparkling clean and fresh. Just for good measure, as he passed the door to the back garden he pointed the wand through the glass and commanded the wand to tidy the garden too. It did, all the plants even though they had no flowers at this time of year suddenly looked as though they had been washed with spring rain and would be ready to burst into bloom at the first opportunity.

When Joshua’s aunt had gone his Mother returned to her kitchen fully intending to finish her washing up, set the washing machine going and generally begin her busy weekend. She just couldn’t believe what she saw. She called her daughters to come and see “Something really fantastic.” She simply could not understand how her house had suddenly become so positively sparkling clean and fresh in such a short time and without her having to even touch it! Her astonished daughters could offer no explanation either. Joshua could have, but he didn’t, not yet. He just stood at the top of the stairs smiling happily at everyone.

Her eyes growing ever wider with astonishment, his Mother went from room to room and found that every one was in perfect order and beautifully clean and tidy. She had never seen it so fresh so early on a Saturday morning. “It’s magic,” she said softly more to herself than to Joshua. But he heard her! And, delighted at his mother’s reaction to his handiwork could contain his delight no longer. From the top of the stairs he called out. “I told you I would be the Bestest Boy in all the world didn’t I? Well I am now aren’t I? I have tidied up the whole house for you, all on my own! While you were outside talking to Auntie Jay.”

Very confused by what had happened, she was in no mood for games. “Don’t be silly Joshua,” she snapped and swept past him on her way downstairs. “I did Mum, I did, really I did!” Why didn’t she believe him? Now Joshua was puzzled. His mother stopped halfway down the stairs and looked back at him. “All right,” she said gently. “Tell me again Joshua, when did you do it? He brightened immediately. “Just now,” he said putting on his most honest expression. “While you were talking to Auntie Jay.” His mother took a deep breath. “I see,” she said, “and tell me how did you manage to do all that work in, what was it, fifteen minutes?” She raised her eyebrows and Joshua felt his heart sink again. He knew that look and that voice, it meant that she didn’t believe a word he had said.

In an effort to recover the situation he offered to show her how he had done all the work but that seemed to make matters worse. “That chewed up old wand,” she said. “Even Dillon couldn’t be bothered to finish chewing it, and yet you expect me to believe that it helped you do all the housework in fifteen minutes? Really Joshua how could you tell such fibs. If this is your idea of being the Bestest Boy in all the world, I think I’d sooner have my old Joshua back if you don’t mind.”

He could see he wasn’t going to make any further headway and gave up the struggle to convince her. He turned sadly into his room and sat on the edge of his bed. All he had managed to do after such lot of effort was to make his mother think he was telling fibs. Still the house was clean and tidy, and although Mummy may not believe what he had told her, she couldn’t explain how it had come about either. He felt quite pleased about that at least. Perhaps his brother would believe him or even his sisters. If they were very good he might even show them how to do it. He brightened up at the thought and decided to wait for his chance to shine again during the day.

But he didn’t get the chance he was looking for. First they went shopping, then they visited his cousin at the top of the hill. Then went to deliver some packages to Grandma’s house. He tried to tell her all about it but he wasn’t sure if even she really believed him. They often played make-believe games and he felt she thought his story was one of those games. By the time they arrived home it was time for his bath. That always made him feel so very sleepy that he decided to leave telling his sisters and brother all about it until tomorrow. Then if they said they didn’t believe him he’d have plenty of time to show them how the magic wand worked. He put his head onto that soooo, sooo soft, soo- soo cool pillow and in seconds he was fast asleep.

He dreamed that his cousin Jessica Jayne came to see him and Mummy said she could stay the night. She was to sleep in his big sister’s bed. But she wouldn’t go to sleep and kept coming into his room all dressed up in her fairy queen outfit and asking where he had put the wand with the golden ends. He tried to explain that Dillon had chewed all the gold off the ends and that they were now just black stumps, but she still wanted to see it anyway. He told her he had hidden it in his toy cupboard under his wizard’s hat, but she was not to touch it. It was very valuable. Of course she immediately rushed to the cupboard and grabbed it.

Still it was a super dream, it seemed as though they played with the wand for ages. They travelled all around the world and did all sorts of extraordinary things. Sadly when he awoke in the morning he realised it had all been a dream. He went across to the cupboard and lifted the big black hat with the silver moon and stars on it. The wand had gone and though he spent hours looking for it, he couldn’t find it. Jessica, who came with her mother to visit them later during the day, said she knew nothing about it, had not stayed at his house that night and had never seen his silly wand. It was all very puzzling!

We’ll never really know exactly what the Fairy Queen said to The Grand Wizard about the loss of his wand, but we do know that he promised never to break the Fairy Queen’s rules ever again. At the same time she also made it clear that never again would she pretend to be a little girl dressed as the Fairy Queen, and go rushing about in the middle of the night to recover a wand that should very definitely not have been lost in the first place. “Particularly a chewed up old wand,” she had added acidly. “Not for The Grand Wizard or anyone else,” as she had last night. Secretly she had quite enjoyed herself pretending to be Jessica Jayne but she wasn’t going to let anyone know that! Santa Claus returned to his grotto well pleased with the outcome of his plan and comfortable in the knowledge that all the girls and boys in the world would get their presents on Christmas morning.

There was one thing upon which they all agreed. A little boy who would use a magic wand to help his Mummy do the housework rather than command it to give him lots of toys and sweets and things was already well on the way to becoming the Bestest Boy in all the world.

To show her pleasure at his progress the Fairy Queen told Santa Claus to make sure that a new wand was put into his stocking on Christmas Eve. But not a real one, magic is best left in the hands of those who know how to use it.

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