O S C A R

Oscar was a parrot. Not just an ordinary parrot, if there is such a thing as an ordinary parrot. Oh no! Oscar was very different. He was much bigger than average and the colours of his plumage were extraordinarily striking…..spectacular even. The reds in his feathers ranged from shocking pink to the deepest ruby red, the blues from electric blue to the darkest cobalt and the yellows and greens vivid in their intensity the whole impression was one of shimmering colours. His eyes, yellow and black, were bright and sharp above his powerfully hooked black and grey beak, making his whole appearance impressive to the point of being overpowering. There had never been another parrot like him.

In addition to his outstanding appearance he was also especially gifted in that he could conduct an intelligent conversation, indeed in this respect he was regarded by many as being more intelligent than any of his owners….of which it must be said there had been many. It was not difficult to see why he had had so many owners for despite his appearance and many talents he had a number of very serious faults, faults that were not hidden by his swaggering style.

His attitude towards everyone was, without exception, aggressive and whenever possible he would deliver a vicious peck at any exposed skin that happened to be near him. His manners were likewise, absolutely appalling and his language foul enough to make even the most experienced trooper blush with shame and embarrassment. He was not selective in his choice of target at which to aim a stream of invective or a peanut with which he could score a perfect hit on anyone within a three-metre range. So! It was not surprising that his reputation for bad behaviour in the homes of his previous owners had become legendary. But now he sat in the window of the local pet shop having again been discarded, scowling at the passers by, challenging any of them to be brave enough to buy him.

Not surprisingly no one was minded to give him a home and he had been in the pet shop for some months. The proprietor of the shop was becoming increasingly desperate to find a home for him.

Since the bird’s arrival there had been fewer customers coming in and those that did soon left having been shrieked at, pecked or insulted by Oscar. Man, woman or child it made no difference to Oscar he hated them all, or so he said and his attitude towards them left no doubt that he meant what he said.

The pet shop owner, tired of the number of complaints from his customers, could stand no more of his behaviour. It had become a case of Oscar or his business. It required little consideration to decide that Oscar must go at any cost. He simply could not afford to keep the bird for even a day longer. The following morning a sign was placed on Oscar’s cage it read THIS BIRD AND CAGE FREE.

Oscar was absolutely livid. How dare the owner humiliate him in such a way? He screamed at everyone who passed the shop, spat peanuts or attempted to peck anyone who came near enough to him and maintained a stream of invective towards the shopkeeper, his customers, his friends and family. All who saw the performance were amazed at the vocabulary and recoiled from the sheer venom of the bird, they were also rather worried by it’s obvious strength and watched nervously as he rocked his cage back and forth on the wide ledge in the window of the shop. They wondered what he would do if he managed to get free and shuddered at the thought. That day there were still no offers to take Oscar. He was mortified to realise that even without charge no one wanted him!

The following day the sign was removed from the window and so was Oscar. Overnight the shopkeeper, now desperate to get rid of the troublesome creature, had rung the local animal shelter and explained the position. It wasn’t the first time they had been called upon to help and knowing all about Oscar, were none too keen to repeat the experience, but when the shop-keeper began talking about having the bird destroyed they had relented and agreed to give him a home until a more suitable, permanent place, could be found. The shopkeeper’s relief knew no bounds and he willingly agreed a generous donation to the charity’s funds.

One of the shelter’s officers, Arthur Parsiter, had had a lifelong interest in exotic birds and considered himself something of an expert on the subject. It could not be denied that Oscar was without doubt the most exotic bird he had ever seen. He quickly became fascinated by the range of extraordinary talents Oscar possessed and spent hours chatting to him, frequently complimenting him on his abilities. Oscar welcomed his attention and decided to demonstrate his unique spectrum of gifts to dazzle and ensnare this gullible human being, realising that if he could convince the man he really wasn’t as bad as his reputation there was a distinct possibility that he could be persuaded to take him home with him…permanently.

It took Oscar two weeks to convince Arthur that his studies would be easier and more believable if they shared the same home. Arthur would be able to ask more questions, Oscar would be very cooperative in his replies and each would benefit from the arrangement. Oscar could be very persuasive when he put his mind to it. For a while the arrangement worked very well. Arthur spent every evening recording his sessions with Oscar and after six months had an impressive collection of videos. These he intended to edit and deliver as a learned lecture to his society at their annual general meeting. He had entitled the lecture How I Changed The Attitude of an Aggressive Parrot, it should he thought earn him at very least a Phd.

It was of course too good to last! Oscar’s reputation had not been gained over a few short months and it wasn’t to be redeemed over such a period.

Arthur was not married but hoped to be engaged to his long standing girl friend Hetty at some time in the not too distance future. He decided to impress her with the progress he had made with Oscar, a project he had told her about as the reason for not seeing her every evening as they had done for years before Oscar arrived. He invited her to dinner at his home and promised to demonstrate how his brilliant parrot could converse, reason and take part in discussions. She would, he promised, be astonished at what she would see. She was!

Oscar surpassed himself……..from the second she entered the room he became aggressive and frightened her almost before she had taken off her coat by landing heavily on her shoulder and nipping the lobe of her ear. He then flew to the highest point of the room from which vantage point he constantly harangued both Hetty and Arthur using his extensive vocabulary of bad language. To put it mildly his attitude could only be described as disgusting. Somehow though she persevered through what she later insisted to her friends was the most nightmarish meal she had ever been involved with…….not eaten….. for Oscar was not kept in a cage here, as she had already seen, he was allowed to roam freely around the room. Roam he did, onto her head, her shoulder her arm, next to her plate from which he helped himself to morsels, in fact everywhere she went Oscar followed and left proof that he had been there!

Arthur was horrified at the turn of events. This was definitely not the way he had intended the evening to go. He had imagined that Hetty would be impressed with the way he had changed Oscar’s attitude, delighted with his special celebratory dinner and finally when he had popped the question….she of course would say YES. But that is not what was happening, things were getting out of his control. He tried desperately to curb Oscar’s excesses…..with a conspicuous lack of success. The more he tried the worse Oscar behaved.

The evening came to an abrupt end when his intended fiancée ran screaming from the room declaring that she never wanted to see THAT BIRD or Arthur ever again. He turned to remonstrate yet again with Oscar only to see the bird sitting on the table finishing off the meal he had so carefully and lovingly prepared for Hetty and himself. Oscar looked up from his feast and nodding his head rapidly up and down invited Arthur in ribald language to come and join him now that ‘She’ had gone home.

Arthur saw red! A reddish hue much more vivid than any feather on Oscar’s wings. He completely lost his composure….He moved swiftly across the room, grabbed the parrot by the neck and screamed ‘You’ve ruined my life…..Everything!’ He shook him savagely from side to side, turned suddenly, ran into the kitchen, opened the deep freezer and without further thought thrust Oscar into the deepest corner and slammed the door shut. Exhausted by his exertions he collapsed onto the sofa and sank his head into his hands in deep dejection. All his work, all his plans for both Hetty and his career were in tatters…..and all because of that blasted bird.

But Arthur was not a cruel man by nature and his temper soon cooled and with the cooling came a feeling of remorse for his action in putting Oscar into the deep freeze. He felt that perhaps he had over-reacted….he really should not have treated a bird or for that matter any other creature in that way. Oscar must surely be dead by now? With this thought he rushed back to the kitchen flung open the freezer door and gently lifted Oscar from the rear of the shelf.

Oscar was made of stronger stuff than Arthur had thought. Though covered in a layer of ice, feathers all matted and shivering with cold Oscar sat on his arm and steadily returned Arthur’s gaze, the accusing glint in his eye barely showing, but he was not dead! Arthur placed him gently on the table amongst the remains of the meal that had been the catalyst for his fury and watched as the ice melted and the feathers dried into the brilliant plumage he so admired.

For a full half hour they sat there looking at each other, neither said anything. Arthur found the silence a little un-nerving…..he had fully expected to be subjected to the most violent and vitriolic outburst ever. Oscar’s eyes gradually became clearer and more focussed. He regarded Arthur with a new interest…respect even. He had not expected to be rescued.

It was Oscar who broke the silence. What he said came as a complete surprise to Arthur. ‘I think I owe you an apology,’ he began. ‘I realise now that I have caused you a great deal of misery and I am very sorry about that.’ Arthur could hardly believe what he had just heard. Oscar continued with even more humility. ‘I see now that my language was disgusting, my attitude totally unacceptable and disrespectful. I have misused all the great talents with which I was blest. My manners must have caused you considerable embarrassment in front of Hetty and all things considered I have shown you neither gratitude nor thanks for all you have done for me since we met…and I should have done. I most humbly beg your pardon and ask your forgiveness.’ At the end of all this he made a gentle bow with his head as if to make the apology plainer and more abject.

Arthur sat open mouthed, he simply did not know what to say in the face of such a change in Oscar. Eventually he just nodded and said briefly ‘Well you damn’well better try harder in future.’ And relapsed into silence. Secretly he was very relieved the bird hadn’t died, that would have been something he could never had explained away to his colleagues.

Oscar wasn’t quite finished………’There is just one thing I would like to ask you’ he said tentatively. ‘That chicken in there….what on earth did he do to upset you so much?’

END.