Mrs. Magoo

One of my all time favorite cartoon character is Quincy Magoo or better known as Mr. Magoo. A rich short stodgy fellow who was always getting into a pinch because of his myopia. Yet amazingly, he always manages to escape unscathed without a scratch. I remember Saturday mornings sitting with a bowl of cereal, watching this funny old fellow who couldn't tell the difference between a woman wearing a fur coat and a wild bear running towards him. It's hysterical to watch the silliness and idiosyncrasies of another person from afar. It's hilarious to see that their fumbles were so obvious and easily cured with a pair of prescription glasses. Hilarious, of course, until you are married to Mr. Magoo.

Well no, my husband is not short and stodgy and gosh no, definitely not rich. In fact, he doesn't even have myopia. But others would agree with me that he is Mr. Magoo with ADD and 20/20 vision. My husband will loose documents, books, keys, sweaters, cameras, wallets, passports, luggage, cars....or whatever else he possess in the same day. I am waiting for him to misplace his wife, which have been close to happening on an occasion or two. However, someone above seems to be looking after him (or they have assigned me to look after him) as he seems to recover everything.

He is also very accident prone, spilling his juice, tea, coffee or knocking over a chair, plant, sign, person or whatever else happens to be in his way. I remember one afternoon walking down the sidewalk, when my husband tripped over a leash and stepped on the poodle , who had been walking in front of us with its owner for the past 3 blocks. The poodle yelped in pain and the owner began screaming profanity while demanding an apology. My husband was insulted, not for the profanity but the idea of this woman putting the feelings of an animal above a human being. In fact, my husbanded demanded an apology and refused to leave until he received one. (Did I mention my husband was stubborn like Mr. Magoo?) I quickly offered an apology making him more furious. A word of advice, if you are ever between "two animals" fighting over the injury to a third, better to run and hide in the bushes save for being eaten by all three.

My husband's ADD tendencies makes him want to learn and do everything (a good thing) all within a span of 10 minutes (a bad thing). If he has an appointment in an hour, he will try to get a hair cut, have lunch, play a round of miniature golf (then fly to the moon and back) beforehand.

And here I am Mrs. Magoo, the ultimate planner and project manager. I will draw up a timeline and itinerary for our vacation as well as that one hour before the appointment. Plus I am so organized I not only separate my recyclables, I organize the plastics by PET code and trash paper by matte, glossy, with windows or without windows.

The natural question is then, how did the Magoos manage to meet, get married and stay married? As the saying goes, love is blind. The myopia of love and being adored by someone covers all flaws that one only sees under the magnifying glass of marriage. Plus, we have only been married for under 2 years.

So, I've learned to live a low profile as Mrs. Magoo. I watch over my husband, like a hawk, picking up the sweater or backpack he will leave behind in the restaurant, train or taxi. I will also guide his path to ensure he does not walk into a lamp post (which he has done a few times) or to drop down into a man hole (which I am waiting to add into the Mr. Magoo adventure list).

But in all honesty, the Mr. Magoo I am married to seems full of contradictory. If one should see him playing basketball one would witness grace in action. His ability to dribble, step, jump, twist and shoot the ball clear of the rim into the net takes your breath away. He also has the patience and attention to detail that a true Mr. Magoo fan would harshly scorn. He once, in an afternoon, sculpted together a 1000 piece mosaic tile work of tulips for our rooftop garden.

I have yet to truly discover if I am married to Magoo, Jordan or Da Vinci or perhaps Sybil. That question will yet take years to answer, for wasn't even Albert Einstein's genius hidden beneath his mask of absent-mindedness?