Vampire Bite

I was sure I was dead
I couldn't understand
The bullet had hit me right in the head
I moved my arm and finally my hand

What was it around me, a casket?
It was so dark and tight in here, I'm sure it was
What is it I'm wearing, my old trusty jacket?
Dead! I was sure I was

I tried to remember what happened last night
My mind was a jumble, oh, boy
Was I involved in a fight?
Do I remember I was holding an old boy?

I do remember now I went to a bar
To have some whisky and beer to boot
I had driven there in my Cadillac car
Which everybody thought was so cute

When I got there, there was turmoil
Everybody was trying to grab a man
He was so smooth and slick, he seemed covered in oil
Nobody could hold him down, but I said, "I can!"

I moved and he jumped on me
I tried to get loose, but to no avail
He held me so tight I felt like a tiny bee
In the giant hand of a man who was so pale

He carried me outside so easily
And a meal he made of me the Dracula way
After he was done with me I felt so measly
Oh, boy, was I having a lousy day!

So here I am, inside this grave
Being a vampire I'm sure is now my fate
Thanks a lot, vampire Dave
The bullet in my head my vampirism won't abate

I guess they were trying to shoot him
But I was hit instead
They never noticed they didn't come close to hurting him
He just ran away seeing red

They had hit him, yeah, I drank his blood
Just by accident, I had gulped it down
Now I myself am in the mood for blood
For sure now I'm undead, I'm going to have to skip town

Everybody knows me here
I can't show my face around
I went to the bar for a beer
Now I find myself in the ground

Easy enough to get out
Here I am, outside
Now time to get my ass out of town
And find my tasty bride

Frankenstein had one
So will I
It will be so much fun
But first, she has to die

Here I come, my sweet bride
Hope you taste great
Because now that I have died
You can be mine, it's not too late

See, in the hospital is my fiance
Cancer of the bone she has had forever
I was going to kill myself this very day
Now the vampire has given us forever and ever