Death of a Car called Minnie

Minnie - Death of a Car

By Joan Hughes

It was twenty years since cars were given a vote in the World
Government. Now there were more cars than people and they had been made
to live longer. Not ordinary cars mind you, (they had been made
obsolete years ago), but ones with an artificial intelligence, their
personality modelled in the image of the human who first programmed
their computer. Minnie had been programmed by a bird watcher who had
painted her yellow. Her steering column had a tendency to wobble when a
feathered creature flew overhead.

One day Minnie said to the man who she still used to drive her, "I'd
like to drive to the Lake District for a holiday."

"But you won't meet many other cars there," said John.
"It's where humans go to walk. There's not so many opportunities for us
to walk now that you cars are doing so well."

"You know," said Minnie, "that I do like to get away from other cars
sometimes, and watch the humans and animals at play. It really gives me
a buzz."

So John and Minnie travelled north. Minnie could drive herself on the
daily shopping trips for the family's food and get her own petrol and
oil when necessary. John had little to do. His wife, Alice, kept tidy
the inside of the house, and the garden, his domain, was at present
covered with plastic sheeting to keep down the weeds. He could have
employed a household robot, but thought his wife would do instead.
Oddly enough, John and Minnie shared one characteristic. They liked
each other's company and doing jobs that were not strictly necessary.
Living too efficiently was a bore. Best of all, they liked doing
nothing at all.

One day when they were listening to the radio, the announcer said,
"The World Government has voted to give humans two votes and cars only
one."

"Do you mind that?" said John to Minnie.

"I don't like the sound of it," she replied. "We've had equal rights
legislation for years - one car, one vote; one human, one vote."

John wondered how the World Government had managed to return overall
power to the human population. He realised that vetoes must have been
involved, especially those given by long tradition to the American and
Russian leaderships, who it appeared, were now allied against the cars.
A few days later, the power of the humans was seen to be as frail as
paper. Their paper power was threatened when a group of cars surrounded
the World Government building, keeping the humans inside until they had
overturned the vote.

Something which John didn't tell Minnie made him forget his mundane
affairs. In the Lake District, a group of humans were meeting to
discuss the question, "How can we reassert our rights? Cars are
dominating our lives now."

Alice and the children had travelled on ahead and were camping. John
and Minnie followed. He dumped her in the road before he climbed the
low hills to a place where cars could not go. The holiday was idyllic.
Cooking over a camp-fire. The tarn provided pure drinking water. But it
had its serious side in the evening meetings when the subject of car
monopoly was talked over. No clear plan of action emerged, and the
humans left after the fortnight was up in a subdued mood. When John and
his family descended to the road they found that Minnie had vanished.
There was no way to get home. John turned on his pocket radio to hear
the news.

"Cars have taken over the national governments all over the world. In
our own parliament, the Prime Minister is now Car Margo XYZ 123. A vote
has been taken. In future cars are in charge. They attend all the
committees and do all the talking. Humans will have to get busy on
their own manual work."

The bulletin gave the impression that humans would be the slaves to
produce more cars.

Alice said, "It's a relief really. Petrol is running out. They can
only do short journeys. We may be left up here in the mountains." She
misunderstood completely and in her misunderstanding sorted everything
out.

Alice, John and the children were left alone. They managed to subsist
on food stocks and by killing mountain sheep. There was much disorder
and many deaths because transport was breaking down. The humans started
a campaign of sabotage. Although the robot cars were programmed to mend
themselves and cope with everything, they could not do so if their
programmes were unprogrammed, so to speak. Every time they could get
into a car the people smashed the computer. Someone got into the
National Computer Company and blew it up. Controlled explosions were
happening everywhere, making people feel like modern Luddites.
Meanwhile the cars were running out of petrol and trying out various
strengths and types of alcohol. Incredibly, although they had been
originally programmed to look after human beings, even with an intact
computer they did not know how to look after themselves. Not only were
cars careering wildly on wrong proof alcohol, the people would not
harvest the crops from which the alcohol was made. The people were
saved.

The next run of cars (yes, cars were preserved) were small and there
were no computers in them. Trains and coaches and tractors also
reverted to manual operation. The new cars could no longer talk to the
people or dictate to them.
At length John and Alice thought it safe to come back to London from
the Lake District. They were surprised to see Minnie sitting in the
garage.

"Should I keep her, or smash the computer?" thought John. He listened
while she explained that she had answered the call to surround the
National Government building but the traffic jam had been so enormous
that she had been frightened of being crushed and she had beetled back
home. She was pleased with herself that her bumpers were still
intact.

John felt sympathy for her. "Not much petrol left, Minnie," he said as
he turned the ignition key. "I think your life is over."

"It doesn't matter. I don't like alcohol and I never did get on with
other cars. Flashing their gold trim at my chrome. Just turn my engine
on and take me for one last drive."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Down to the seaside."

When they got there John got out and watched Minnie drive into the sea
and sink. As her yellow bonnet disappeared beneath the waves he thought
what a lovely submarine she would make.

In the weeks to come John missed Minnie. He could not talk to his new
little car. But it was for the best. He began to hold exciting and
stimulating discussions with his family and other people instead. He
even dug the garden.

1142 words approx.