Whiskey Filled Sunsets

Cherry

By JoseHdz

Tue, 31 Aug 2010
  • 2005 reads
11 comments
 

I used to give a fuck about you,
Darling:

The way you always sat there
In that cozy cafe
And listened
To my circular analysis
Of the anti-aesthetics
Of modern poetics.

The way you would
Ask to share my cigarettes
Even though I knew that
You hated nicotine—
Trying to steal an indirect kiss,
Perhaps.

I used to give a fuck about you,
Sunshine:

But then you suddenly set;

And now I sometimes curse
You for the budding pain in my liver;

But always for my death.

Certificate 18
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by h jenkins on
I dunno. The swearing seems gratuitous to me and adds only anger to the openings when what follows is almost whimsical. Helvigo Jenkins

Helvigo Jenkins

Submitted by Kit_Caless on
I agree with Helvigo, I like the whimsical nature of the poem - which lends it good humour, but the fucks do seem a bit nonsensical. Perhaps they are designed to jolt the reader? If they are then it sort of works, just not quite enough.

Submitted by JoseHdz on
I duno, i added a new part which i think pulls the piece together: "I used to give a fuck about you, Sunshine: but then you set;" I was confused myself when I reread it.. haven't had much sleep.. but maybe the addition changes your position, either way: to each his own. :)

Submitted by JoseHdz on
sorry. one other thing: the poem is not trying to hide its anger or its erratic impulses.. it is called Whiskey Filled Sunsets (not exactly a stable sounding title).. not roses are red or Where art Thou? .. i'm not trying to be sarcastic or disrespectful but i'm just trying to prove a point about the poem's voice as unapologetically raw, honest and yes, hurt.. hope that helps

Submitted by h jenkins on
OK. I accept what you're saying but the last few lines lose their potency when you've already made it clear that the level of care for the person was somewhat reluctant. To 'give a fuck' about something or someone is surely a phrase which implies a negative emotion and not a positive one. If the idea is: I used to care but now, I no longer do; then it doesn't really work for me using that phrase. But ... as you say, to each his own. :) By the way, I do think that the addition ties up the title better. Helvigo Jenkins

Helvigo Jenkins

Submitted by JoseHdz on
i know it can sound confusing with the whole "fuck" and "darling" seeming to contradict but it is for effect.. I guess what the poem is trying to portray is a voice that masks being hurt by using foul language as an impulsively desperate way to deal with facts; when in fact the poet is only fooling himself: who would use such enraged language against someone he does not interiorly care about? superficially it may seem as though the voice is over the "darling" but the fact that at the end of the poem he still blames her for his self-inflicted suffering ("liver"=alcoholism) suggests otherwise; i guess this poem is in more of the Bukowski (anti) school of poetics; it does not pretend to be mature, sophisticated, all-knowing, healthy; nor does it apologize for not being so… I wrote this after reading a lot of Bukowski’s “Come On In” last night so hopefully it is does not come off as an imitation; but instead perhaps subconsciously inspired by perhaps my city’s (Los Angeles) most famous poet.. cheers..

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
I think the two words used together convey exactly what you say you want them to. Also like the poem btw!

 

Submitted by JoseHdz on
glad u liked it. :)

Submitted by JoseHdz on
I guess there might be a difference as far as slang in Los Angeles deviating w/UK vernacular or formal dialogue; And I also think the poem is inherently confusing. In the US people say "i don't give a fuck about.." Obviously implying a disregard for something.. In this poem the voice says he used to "give a fuck" suggesting that he used to care. "used to give a fuck about you" = used to care about you.. i don't know if that was already clear but i thought i might try and explain.. oh, also, if it is not clear: sunshine=love interest thanks.

Submitted by mjpitts on
The tension between 'fuck' and 'darling' works well for me.

Submitted by JoseHdz on
:)