Fritz the Cat Charged

Fritz the Cat Charged in Mouse Mugging

Fritz the Cat, well-known figure in the comic underground, was charged
today with "willful molestation of a protected species" for his alleged
role in the mugging of Topo Gigio, former regular on the now defunct Ed
Sullivan Television Show.

"This is a lot of political correctness crap," said Fritz. "That stupid
whining mouse has been asking for it for years. I'm surprised old Ed
didn't flush him down the crapper when he had the chance. America was
running on empty in those days. Besides, he's not even a mouse. He's
some guy's hand dressed up to look like a mouse. Probably wipes with
old Topo on Sundays. Typical bullshit: What the hell kind of protected
species is some old fart's filthy hand anyway? Who thinks this shit
up?"

Federal prosecutor Sylvie Silvatale told this reporter that in the
government's view, Topo Gigio is not a hand puppet but rather a living
example of the best America has to offer. "America has always been the
land of opportunity for the oppressed and downtrodden of the world. If
we do not stop hate crimes such as this now, who will be next? You? Me?
We're committed to making America safe for every crackpot we can
find."

When asked to comment on the advisability of spending taxpayer money to
prosecute one fictional character for alleged damages caused to another
fictional character, Ms. Silvatale responded that "it's not a pleasant
job, but this is America, the land where everyone has the equal and
inalienable right to claim special privilege. Besides, someone has to
do it."