My Wonderful Vice President

like many Americans of his generation,
he failed his way up the ladder of success,
sucked into the
Great American Job Generator and
projectile vomited to heights far
in excess of what his modest talents
would otherwise justify.

measured in inches he stood
quite tall, but the stature of
a man is not measured that way.
of character and courage
he had none at all. nor truthfulness,
nor loyalty, nor intelligence,
nor wit, though to be fair, none
of these were needed for the job.

merely stand still and rise with the tide,
secure in the knowledge that
scum floats best in a calm
cesspool of ignorance.

and every time he was tested he failed,
and made a great show of
accepting the blame.
this was enough to keep him afloat,
through thick and thin, so to speak.

a ritual of leadership in the modern age:
accept the blame and make everyone else suffer the consequences.
a sure-fire recipe for success; it makes
you look humble and kills off the
competition all in one blow.
it's the Corporate Way,
though he would deny it.

so the next time someone tells you
this guy is a giant among men,
just remember that

even a toothpick
casts a long shadow
in the setting sun.