Distance the night away !

                          “Distance the night away”          

            “Social distancing” has become the new buzzword in the fight with the Corona Virus. It is a simple yet effective tool in fighting this deadly infection. You have but to keep six feet between you and other people, so that an inadvertent cough or sneeze will not propel germ carrying vectors onto your person.

           Oh, how I wish we had this simple life-saving technique around years ago. I can imagine “social distancing” a thousand bores at cocktail parties, edging away six and then seven and then ten feet of space, until you hold your hand to your ear and say “What, I can’t hear you?”

           And then, there are about five thousand obnoxious people in bars, restaurants other meeting places whom you would just be able to shrug your shoulders at and say “Sorry, Social distancing you know,” as you escaped from their tedious grasp.

           Think how many times this wonderful concept could have given you relief. With an ill-mannered, little monster of a friend.” See ya! You villainous little rascal!” (said to yourself) Someone complaining about their lot in life? “Sorry sir or madam, I hope someone hears you whining. I sure can’t with all of this distance.”

          It would spawn a whole new business in fake hearing devices, so that we could pretend not to hear the more tedious comments. And as for invasive smokers? They would be wafted away with a breeze at six feet of distance. Ditto for the invasive clowns with cell phones. You could simply distance them off.

        It might spawn a whole new category of rebuffs. “Distance off! Why don’t you?”  “You really need to practice your distancing, so go away!” You could get really creative with invectives, but decorum forbids me to list these more colorful constructions here.

       And dancing? We could move from “disco dancing” to “distance dancing,” gyrating six or seven feet away from dance partners. It could even involve bringing in a whole circle of distance dancers, all grinding away to the rocking beat.

       How about y’all? Any other creative uses that you can think of for the new way of communicating?

                                               -30-

                                          (364 words)

                                     Joseph Xavier Martin