An Extended Dialogue: Me and my (Screwed up) Conscience

An Extended Dialogue: Me and my (Screwed Up) Inner Conscience

Me: Fuck, buddy, I’m screwed.

Conscience: Ha! LOL.  Fuck buddy I’m screwed.  Geddit? 

Me: You know what you need?  You need a life, that’s what you need.

Conscience: Hey, man, not my freaking fault you don’t get out and about.

Me: Screwed up my English exam.  Wrote too much again.  Ran out of time.

Conscience: Bro, you know how many people would kill to write like you?  Golden words.

Me: I can’t do this English shit.  I need some good hard prose.

Conscience: (Snorts) You talk about prose the way I talk about sex.

Me: What the fuck?

Conscience: Exactly.

Me: No comment.

Conscience: So what about it?  How’s your friend… Nina, Tina, Mina…

Me: Katrina.  And she’s way too old for me.

Conscience: She’s only nineteen.

Me: Yes, young as hell. 

Conscience: Oh come on, man, it’s been so long… my carnal desires are reddening…

Me: So what do you want me to do?  Rape her?

Conscience: Wouldn’t mind…

Me: You sicken me.

Conscience: Ditto.

Me: Failed math too.  Forgot the rule for permutation combinations.

Conscience: And I’ve forgotten the methodology of penis circumcision…

Me: Are you even listening?  I just told you I failed my A Level math.

Conscience: Come on man, let go.  Just let go.  Learn the mathematics of penetration… an angle of 70 degrees to the vagina, measured with a fully functioning clitometer…

Me: Do you mean clinometer?

Conscience: Yes, yes, of course. 

Me: I was going to tell you about the mishaps I made in science but on second thoughts…

Conscience: Oh, do go on!  Any problems with biology?

Me: (Sighs) No.  Not quite.  Listen, I’ve got to go.

Conscience: You don’t.  You just said that.

Me: Fine, I just said that.  Now goodbye.

Conscience: Goodbye.  I’ll see you soon with Katrina. 

Me: Katrina?

Conscience: Yeah.  Your new fuck buddy.