Chapter III: CHRISTINE

Louder, louder, she told herself over and over in her head. You have got to scream louder. Everyone needed to believe the act. Tears had always come easily for her. The one moment Christine had feared would never come was finally here. I can't let a glimpse of happiness show, she’d repeat to herself.

Everyone around her tried to calm her down. They came at her trying to comfort her and hug her and she'd just push them away. I need to seem hurt; I need to look devastated, but I can't make this act hang together for too long. She ran towards the elevator, towards Alex. She made it seem as if she had not noticed Alessa was there.

Past Alex, there was Alessandro crying on his knees, Daniel next to him, trying to calm him down. You never really loved your father all that much, she thought. As she ran, Daniel gave her an icy cold look with his nut-colored eyes that might have killed her, had it been a bullet. He hates me, he made Sandro hate me.

Ever since Alessandro was a kid, he’d been heavily influenced by Dan. He has more power over him than anyone else in the world does.

She had not had enough time to look closely at what Daniel was wearing. She did see a grey shirt and black pants; it was almost as if he and her son had agreed on what to wear. He had always been a very handsome boy, lean and clean-shaven all the time and very well-put-together all around.
But something about him always gave her goose bumps, she didn’t know what it was. He always had a penetrating cold look in his eyes, ever-filled with anger, or hatred, or resentment. Every time Sandro mentioned him, she felt as if her heart stopped for a second. I don’t trust him, I’ve told Alessandro countless times not to trust him. Having him around is too risky. Why won’t he listen to me?

The elevator dinged as it descended through each floor. Ding, ding, ding, she heard. I have to put on tears again, I might bump into someone, she thought. With one deep breath her eyes were filled again; she was weeping once more. She’d used these same tears the night she met Julius. Oh Julius, you poor fool. I wish I’d loved you, but there was never a chance for us, not once. Truth be told, she had never felt anything for him other than pity. He believed my every word.

Julius had been so handsome when he was young, everyone would be left flabbergasted as soon as he walked into the room. He was tall, 6-feet tall. When Julius was young, he used to play water-polo which gave him a beautifully shaped body. He’d had such amazing legs, they could have been a god’s. They did not have much sex, though. She would avoid it at all costs. The one time she did give herself to him willingly, and Alessandro had been conceived.

She cried the night she found out she was pregnant with Sandro and those were true-felt tears. She’d felt pain, she’d sworn she wouldn’t, she would never give him a son. But all of that was in the past. All of the hardships don’t matter now. I am his now, truly his.

As she raced towards her SUV, she saw Alessa had run down the stairs to greet her. “Mom, wait up!” she heard. She did not stop. “MOM! PLEASE, STOP!” Alessa said loudly. She finally got to the car, she opened the door and locked quickly. I can’t hold this act for much longer, I can’t, she’d desperately repeat in her head. “MOM!!!!” Alessa said, once again. It hurt Christine, it hurt her like a knife through her heart. She loved her daughter dearly, she’d been the result of love, real love. But even Alex couldn’t see that she was pretending. She loved him too much, she would hate me. The last thing she wanted was for her daughter to hate her.

She looked around. Alessa was coming, closer and closer, she was getting closer. She panicked, she couldn’t take her suffering. She could not bear to hear it, she would not see her cry.

This time her eyes teared up, only this time it was real, so painfully real. She entered a numb state, she’d look around as if the world was compressing and she was in the middle, there was nowhere to run. Her first reaction was screaming. She screamed loudly and felt all the air slipping through her mouth until her lungs were empty. She hit the wheel, hit her legs and hit the windshield. She hit everything she could, everything she could reach. She looked mad, she felt mad. She took a deep breath and screamed once again, tears running down her face, tears ran down her cheeks. All the moments they’d spent together flashed through her mind. Her daughter screamed at her from the other side of the window. She heard “MOM!!! MOM PLEASE STOP!! PLEASE DON’T! YOU’RE HURTING YOURSELF!” But she didn’t care, she just kept on hitting her chest and scream. It seemed to have gone on for hours, but barely some minutes had passed. Alessa kept banging at the window. Christine turned to look at her, she looked like the little girl who had once implored her mother to stay when she had discovered Julius had been having an affair. I couldn’t take it then, I can’t take it now. I can’t see her crying like this.

She turned her car key and made the engine start. She accelerated so fast she nearly crashed into the car parked in front of hers. She grabbed the wheel firmly and kept accelerating. Faster and faster. Until her heart had stopped pounding, until she’d been able to catch her breath and tears had stopped falling.

In no time, she’d made it to the highway. After realizing she’d been driving aimlessly, she thought of him. I have to tell him, I need to tell him the time has come. I need to go to him. She didn’t slow down, she kept rushing up the highway. She needed to get there as soon as possible. No one else could tell him before her. She looked at the time; it was 9:46 a.m. How could things change so much in five hours?

She had told the paramedics she’d found Julius unconscious in his studio at around 4:40 a.m. At first she thought he’d fallen asleep, but the lights were off. It was dark and there was a weird smell in the room. Christine walked towards him very quietly not to wake him. She got really close and turned on the lamp next to him. As soon as the light hit his face, she saw his eyes all blood-shot and his mouth opened all the way. He’d stopped breathing, she told them she had thought right there and then ran to the phone and dialed 911.

The ambulance made it there in scarce five minutes. The paramedics hurried into the studio and opened wholes on each side of his upper ribs, a few centimeters below the armpits. She was scared of blood, she could not see it. It reminded her of horrible things, things she wanted to forget, things she had locked away in the deepest fragment of her brain.

She ran upstairs and put on the first thing she found in the closet. A black shirt and a pair of blue jeans. It seemed as if she unconsciously expected and wished for it to happen, for her husband to die. It was not right, but for some reason it didn’t feel wrong either.

She took the Northampton exit. He’ll be ecstatic, she thought; our time has finally come, it’s finally here. His sacrifice will have been worth it. She drove and passed seven road entries and in a few minutes she was there. The security guard at the entrance asked for her name; she told him her name and he let her in without even checking. She had never even dared to go there by herself, she didn’t take any risks. She drove around the water fountain and parked her SUV right by the big white door.

She rang the bell, once and again, anxiously. It took really long, or at least it felt like such a long wait, but he opened the door. With his hazel eyes and beautiful brown and grey hair. He’s so perfect, he’s always been, she thought.

“He’s gone,” she said. “He died.”

He looked astonished; didn’t say a word.

“Our time has come. It’s just us now,” she had said with excitement. But “Christine, baby, what have you done?” was all Benjamin Turner said.