Out of Control - Case Notes - Subject #5

Subject #5 – Christopher James Nugent

Chris Nugent sat up in bed with a start, he could feel his heart thumping in his ears. There was a stranger in bed beside him; he held his breath. She moaned quietly. He recognized it as the sound that had woken him. A cold sweat prickled at his hairline. ---Oh, God. Not again, please no!

But the stranger rolled onto her side, towards Chris. The movement caused the sheet fall away, exposing a bare breast to the cool morning air. The half-remembered beautiful girl moaned again and smiled in her sleep. He breathed once more, relief flooded through him.

The girl’s long, tousled, chestnut hair framed a perfect face. Her closed lids hid deep blue eyes he remembered. Her low moan was one of contentment, her face, unlined and calm. Smudged lipstick on her full lips stirred memories of a passionate night. He gently replaced the sheet to preserve her modesty and the girl’s breathing returned to the normal slow regular rhythm of a deep untroubled sleep.

Relieved, Chris let out a heavy sigh, grateful for the reprieve. The girl, what was her name? Jennifer? Jenny? No, Jen, that was it. She was unharmed, sleeping peacefully next to him.

Recollections of a boozy night came scurrying back into his fuddled brain. Striking lucky; returning to his flat; more booze; and some fumbling, desperate love-making.

Then he had woken with the familiar enemy at his back. ---Have I fucked up again? ---Am I in trouble again? He didn't think so, not this time.

Chris looked down at his left hand. It was shaking slightly from the sharp awakening, but the knuckles were unmarked. --- Thank fuck for that. Relief again, he hadn't hit anything.

The sweat that prickled his scalp was drying slowly in the unheated room. He pushed his hand through matted hair, clearing the long brown strands from his eyes and lay back down on the still-warm sheets. Bunching the pillows into a ball behind his head he stared at the joint between the opposite wall and the ceiling and waited for his heartbeat to return to normal. The nightmares were getting worse. ---What am I going to do?

Jen's gentle breathing cooled his exposed shoulder. He wiped away the single tear that rolled down his cheek.

It was all too much. Not knowing when he’d lose control again, when he’d wake up in a pool of his own blood and vomit. He had to do something about it; he had no choice.

Chris finally made up his mind. He'd call that doctor, the one that spoke up for him in court. He just hoped it wasn't too late.......

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Subject #5: Suitable for study - YES [Timestamp.............]/[Signature..................]