POEM: Growing Up
By KPHVampireWriter
Sun, 31 Mar 2013
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5 comments
(When communication breaks down.)
Sliding into the room,
almost as if by chance,
gaze averted, whistle feigned
in considered nonchalance.
Studiously ignoring,
a sulk of one whole week,
she now finds that she must climb down,
and re-acquaintance seek.
Co-operation needed,
good humor to restore,
grudge released, victims emerged
and refuse to reach accord.
Seeking out forgiveness
requires more expertise
than she has as yet amassed,
having bitten the hand that feeds.
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Comments
"Sliding into the room,
"Sliding into the room, almost as if by chance,
Gaze averted, whistle feigned in considered nonchalance.
Studiously ignoring, a sulk of one whole week,
She now finds that she must climb down, and re-acquaintance seek.
Co-operation needed, good humor to restore,
Grudge released, victims emerged and refuse to reach accord.
Seeking out forgiveness requires more expertise
Than she has as yet amassed, having bitten the hand that feeds."
Consider this enjambment:
Sliding into the room,
almost as if by chance,
gaze averted, whistle feigned
in considered nonchalance.
Studiously ignoring, a sulk
of one whole week,
she now finds that she must climb down,
and re-acquaintance seek.
Co-operation needed,
good humor to restore,
grudge released, victims emerged
and refuse to reach accord.
Seeking out forgiveness
requires more expertise
than she has as yet amassed,
having bitten the hand that feeds.
This is a good effort although the half rhyme (chance/nonchalance)made me stumble a little. It nice to see someone who can offer prose AND poetry. Very well done indeed.
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Nice one KPH. That's
Nice one KPH. That's generous mate. There is no doubt it's better for the edit. The whole flow of the piece is enhanced and the poem scans much better as well.
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