My boy

By kramz

Thu, 25 Jun 2015
  • 581 reads
2 comments
 

In your arms I know I'm safe, 
When you smile I cant help but smile too, 
I know if ever I feel blue,
all I have to do is look at you, 
You never cease to take my breath away, 
and I wouldn't want it any other way. 
 

Certificate PG
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by EB on

Hi. If you take out the last line, you will have a rhyme pattern where the first and last rhyme, and the three middle ones do too. Also, the last line (only my opinion) isn't needed and detracts from your message, which is the purpose of your poem, I think.

Submitted by kramz on

Thankyou both so much for the feedback! :)