No, You Said

No, you said. Speak now.
Every day. We can fix this.
Can't get rid of me that easy.
No rest for the wicked means no sleep.
Seeds of doubt long buried
Fester in unspeakable soil
Take root, burst cracks in uneasy ground.
Tease-threaten-torture until I smashed
Your too-bright pixel face.

We meet. New city. Neutral ground.
The three kings tremble with our hatred,
The jesters scorn our tears.
You did not ever love me. It is all or nothing.
It's only lost. I did, I did.
On the bridge held up by lovers’ locks
You tell me you will watch me drown
As I doom myself to doomed loves,
Fickle, broken-minded, selfish me.
Mend yourself, you command, before you act.
I may as well tell the seas to part.
I am no modern-day Moses.
Minds unfathomable
Hearts rubbed raw
We part. We exist. What more?

No, you said. Don't speak now.
So I have carried your final gift
For thirteen unluckiest days
Cradled it like the devil's child
Suckled on black memories,
Self-hatred swelled with brine.
If I am to save me, I'll murder you.
If you are to claim me, I'll die anew.
Your final gift, unloved beloved, is guilt.

You sleep easy, as the wronged.
As criminal/jailer, I bleed myself
To death. You knew I would.
If you love me as you say you do,
You will break your silence
Nod and say:
“You may cauterise the wound.”