That Elusive Cure 31

I tried to sleep in on Wednesday, hoping to sleep right through to Thursday and the appointment. But of course, that wasn’t possible. I lay there, picking at my nails, the nerves mounting inside me. What would they find? Less tumours, I’d leave as they called me a miracle? Or no change, and the inevitable discussion about what they’re going to do now the chemo isn’t working anymore.

My fingers hurt. I did this before every scan appointment. Pick, pick, pick. It was a compulsion that had graduated to part of the process of waiting to see my oncologist. Dr Noble would come in as his happy dappy normal self, or he’d be serious and sombre, and that was when we had to worry.

The phone ringing drew me out of circular thoughts. Jimmy was hard at work, earphones on, music at high volume no doubt. I threw off the covers and ran for the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello Kath, it’s just me, your old dad.”

“Hi-ya. What can I do for you?” I sat on the floor, twisting the handset away from my mouth as I yawned.

“I wanted to thank you for talking with your mother.” His voice sounded muffled. I wondered where she was and whether he realised that right now he was very unlikely to get anything over on my mother. “She’s been much happier since you two had your talk. I take it she fell for the story?”

“Oh yes,” I lied. “Hook line and sinker. You’re in the clear now.”

“Excellent. Lots of planning to do.” He paused for a moment and I wondered if Mum was nearby. “I’d like it if you helped. If you’re up to it, that is?”

My first thought was that Jimmy had set this up, and I felt a little ruffled. People shouldn’t have to be told to include me. “I’d love to help,” I said before he thought my hesitating was a negative thing. I told myself that it didn’t matter why he’d asked. Just that he had.

“Look, your mother’s coming. I’ll call you again with a meet up time.”

I supressed a laugh, Dad would have made a terrible spy. “Okay, Dad.”

“Speak soon.” He went to put down the receiver and I heard muffled excuses about a wrong number.  

I put the handset down and thought about how I was going to pass the day. How long had it been since I last saw Sally? Guilt washed over me, what if she was struggling? I’d been so wrapped up in me and my issues, I’d forgotten about her. Didn’t school holidays start soon? She’d need my support. No, that wasn’t the right way around. It was the kids who would need my help in supporting their mother.

The pod floated into my mind like an apparition. Tomorrow I’d know if it really did fix me, or at least go most of the way towards fixing me. If it had worked, it the machine actually mended people, what was the extent of its ability? Could it balance the chemicals in Sally’s brain? Make her happy and stay that way? Give the kids a turn to soften the bad memories? What else could the pod do? More than ever I wanted that machine fixed.

Given her recent mental health, I decided not to let her know I was on the way. I got ready, gave Jimmy a wave goodbye and drove off, thinking of Bob and his teenager’s clothing and rust bucket car. Hopefully he was up to his ears in figuring out the secrets of the particles. Six months was so far away. Jimmy said it might be even longer and to prepare myself for a long wait. I pulled up to Sally’s thinking I wasn’t prepared for a wait and that skinny little scientist had better get a move on.

I rang the doorbell and waited. Would she be in a state? Would she be willing to have a visitor? Was she recovering from this latest downer? I tapped my foot and checked my watch. The time was coming up on one o’clock. I’d thought maybe she’d let me take her out for lunch.

“Hello, Sally?” I banged on the door and rang the doorbell a couple more times. “It’s me, Kath.”

Cupping my hands I tried to peer through the dappled glass in the door. Something moved by the kitchen door.

“Sally, are you okay?” I shouted out and banged frantically.

The shape shifted and took a step towards the door.

“Sally, I can see you’re there. You’re worrying me. Please come answer the door.” I thought about threatening her with getting the police or fire department to bash open her door. She’d hate me for it, and she’d have to explain her way out of being sectioned, but better that than a million bad things I could suddenly see happening.

“Sally, come on! It’s me, Kathy. Please open the door!”

Through the glass, shadows and shapes grew. Thank God, she was going to let me in. The door opened and instead of the soft features of Sally I was faced with Wendy, her sister.

“She’s not here.” Wendy barred my way in.

“Well, where is she? I want to see her.”

I took a step towards the house with a view to going inside, but Wendy stepped onto the threshold and pulled the door to behind her. I always thought Wendy was a hard looking woman. She was a fair bit older than Sally with steely grey hair and not much resemblance to her sister other than both being far too slim.

Wendy crossed bony arms across her chest and glared at me. “You can’t. She’s in the hospital.”

“You what?” My mouth gaped. “You’ve had her sectioned?” I nearly slapped her smug face. “How could you do that to her, your own sister?”

“It was for her own good. She was psychotic. Seeing that dead husband of hers… and the state of the house was horrendous. It’s all I’ve done since I got here, clean and clean.”

“I came by last week, she was improving.” I tried to catch a look inside the house. “You sure she’s not here?”

“She went off two days ago.”

“Sally?” I shouted. “Sally, are you in there?”

“You’re causing a scene. I’d like it if you left,” Wendy tried to say over my shouting.

“It’s not your house. You have no right to tell me to go.” I tried to catch a look in the front window. “Sally, it’s me, Kath!”

“Look, she’s really not here.” Wendy stepped down onto the path, and I actually thought I saw sadness in her eyes. “The doctor said no one can visit, not for a few more days. If you like I will notify you when you can go to see her.”

“What about the kids? Are they okay?”

Wendy drew in a deep breath. Was she trying to stifle tears? She looked at me, her eyes shiny. “I’m staying here with them. They don’t need to be any more unsettled than they already are.”

I took a step back, unaccustomed to a Wendy who showed emotions. “You promise me you’ll let me know when I can visit?” I found an old receipt in the bottom of my bag and jotted my number on the back. “Please keep me informed. I love her too, you know.”

Wendy nodded and took the scrap of paper from me.

“Will you give the kiddies a hug from their Auntie Kathy?”

Wendy nodded again, and this time she couldn’t disguise the tears in her eyes.

I turned and left, the guilt at not being there for Sally eating up my insides. She must have gone down again after I’d seen her last week. How stupid of me for thinking she’d got it beat. I slammed my hand against the steering wheel. Hurry up, Bob. Work out those little nanoparticles you seem to love so much and help Jimmy fix the damn machine.