What Alice Sees: Chapter 8

July 16th 1993

 

Alice waited by Mrs Radcliff, hoping Daddy was picking her up. He’d dropped her off that morning, a little late, and the teacher had grumbled, but Daddy had whispered that all teachers liked to shout, and by being late, she’d actually helped Mrs Radcliff have a better start to the day.

She scanned the playground, past Joe’s mother and little sister. Amy sat strapped into her pram, in a pink summer dress and no shoes or socks. Every time the wind blew, she wiggled her toes and giggled. Daniel’s mother was waiting in front of the willow maze, with Jane and Lucy, the twins dashing around in circles. They were in morning school, and when they went back to school in September, they’d be in full time, like Alice. There were more mums, and some dads. Parents sat on their bikes, parents with older kids coming to meet them, babies in buggies, mums with babies in their tummies, and to the side, emerging from a group chatting by the bench, was her mummy.

Alice tugged on Mrs Radcliff’s sleeve.

“I can see my mummy.”

Her teacher followed Alice’s outstretched finger, and nodded.

“Off you go,” she said, and then held onto Joseph before he could run off as well.

Lizzy was with Mummy, and Jessie was already there, holding her mum’s hand.

“Would you like to come over for a cup of tea?” Lizzy asked.

Mummy looked down at Alice, and smiled. “That would be wonderful. I need to talk to someone about the awful night I had last night.”

“Why, what happened?”

“Shaun happened.”

Lizzy groaned. “That man needs help.”

“I know, I told him as much, but he refuses.”

“It’s a man thing, they hate admitting they need help.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Jessie, don’t run too far ahead. And remember, you’re the big girl, you need to show Alice how to behave on a road.”

Alice grabbed her mother’s hand, and watched Jessie get further away. Their terrace was around the next corner, and Lizzy didn’t shout out for Jessie again.

“So what happened?” Lizzy asked.

“I’ll tell you later.” Mummy twitched her head in Alice’s direction.

“Oh, sure, we’ll talk later, over the tea.”

“Exactly.”

They strolled down the road, past gardens full of flowers. Alice liked Mrs Green’s in particular. Instead of grass, she had a wild patch of giant white daisies. Alice reached out with her free hand, and brushed her palm across the top of the flowers. The petals tickled her skin and she giggled.

“What’s so funny?” Lizzy asked.

“The flowers,” Alice replied, peering over her shoulder at them.

“Walk face forward. I don’t want a trip to the hospital because you walked into a lamppost,” Mummy said. “You’d be like that cat, Tom, on the cartoon, with a bump this big.” Mummy held a hand over Alice’s head.

“No I wouldn’t,” Alice said.

“Oh yes,” Lizzy said. “And the doctors would want to saw the lump off, and then you’d be in trouble.”

Alice giggled, but turned forward, and let go of her mother’s hand. She skipped off a few steps in front. When she rounded the corner, Alice spotted Jessica, sat on the wall, kicking her heels against the bricks.

“Jess, stop that. You’ll ruin your shoes,” Lizzy called out.

Jessica rolled her eyes, and jumped down onto the pavement.

“You took a long time,” Jessica said. “I’ve had a sleep, made tea, eaten it all ‘cause you never showed up, and washed everything up so there’s no mess.”

“I take it I don’t need to cook anything for you tonight, then.”

“Nope,” Jessica said, shaking her head.

“Come on in.” Lizzy held the door open, and stood to the side as Mummy entered the house. Alice and Jess followed, with Jess heading straight to the living room. Alice followed a few steps behind her mother.

“Sorry about the mess,”

Mummy looked back and smiled.

“Standard disclaimer?”

“Oh yes. Cuppa?”

“Please. I’m dying of thirst.”

“Gagging for a drink?” Lizzy said, and nudged at Mummy with her arm.

Mummy groaned. “In more ways than one. Do you know how long it’s been?” Then her eyes opened wide and her expression twisted – as if she’d remembered something both awful and fabulous at the same time. “I have something to confess to you.”

“Secrets?”

“The type protected by death threats.”

Lizzy’s eyes lit up. “Right. Preparations are needed then.” She put her hands on her hips. “Would you girls like a snack?” she called out as she disappeared into the kitchen.

“Cakes and ice cream,” Jessica shouted from the living room.

“Something sensible,” Lizzy called back.

Jess appeared in the hallway. “Biscuits?”

“What about some grapes and cut apple?”

“Yes please,” Alice replied. Then in a small voice, “I like grapes.”

“Goody two shoes.” Jessica said, and then ran to the bottom of the stairs. “My Auntie Sue gave me some Bratz dolls for my birthday, do you want to see?”

Alice shook her head, and followed her mother.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Mummy said, as Alice came in and stood next to where her mother had sat.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t you want to play with Jessica?” Lizzy said as she got out the mugs and the teapot.

Alice didn’t reply, but slid a step closer to her mother.

Mummy looked over and shrugged.

“I’ll tell you about where I was today, and tell you the other things later.”

Lizzy smiled. “As you wish.”

Alice perched on the edge of the chair next to Mummy, and stuck her left thumb in her mouth.

“I told you about Shaun losing another job?”

Lizzy nodded as she poured a small amount of boiling water into the teapot and sloshed it around. She drained the pot and put three teabags inside, and refilled with more hot water.

“The other day, I finally decided to go back into nursing. Someone’s got to get a stable wage coming in to our house. Anyway, I went to an interview with an agency today.”

“Did you?” Lizzy poured the teas and mixed in the milk. “How did it go?”

“Fantastic. I’ll need to take a couple of courses to oil the cogs, but there’s a nursing home on the hill in Tilehurst who are so desperate for staff that they’ll pay for my refreshers and give me a job.”

“How wonderful, you must be so pleased.”

“Relieved. I couldn’t stand losing the house.”

“When do they want you to start?”

“Pretty much as soon as possible. I’m going up to the home tomorrow to meet the management.”

“Ooo, scary.”

“No. Not really.” Mummy smiled. “They need me even more than I need them.”

Alice stifled a yawn and adjusted her thumb. She wanted Bubbles. Her mother was talking about boring stuff. Alice hopped off the chair and baby-stepped from the kitchen. When she got into the hall, she broke into a run. Jessica was in her room. There were Bratz dolls, shoes, clothes and accessories all over the floor.

“Hi, Alice. You want to meet Shelly?”

Alice looked down at a blonde doll. She had too much hair, and a huge head.

“My Mummy’s going to get a job.”

“So what?” Jessica pulled off the shoes, which included the feet, and changed them for pink high-heels.

“She’s a nurse.”

“I know.” Jessie thrust a brown-haired doll at Alice. “Want to borrow one?”

Alice shook her head.

“Mums who work don’t have time to be a Mum as well,” Jessie said.

Alice stared, trying to imagine her father cooking dinner, washing her school clothes, and filling the bath with pink bubbles every night. Alice climbed halfway back down the stairs. Mummy was talking loudly in the kitchen. The door was open, and Alice sat down and listened.

“I don’t know what to do any more.”

“Do you want to leave?”

There was a silence.

“Do you want him to leave?”

“No. I’m not ready for that.” Mummy blew her nose. “But I don’t know what I should do. I can’t make the appointment for him and drag him down the surgery by her ear. He has to do it.”

“It’s a question of being able to admit to yourself that something is wrong.”

“Exactly,” Mummy said.

“But he hasn’t managed to do that yet.” Lizzy paused, and then said, “Give him time –”

“Time! You’re joking, right?” Her mother sighed. “He’s had two years. David’s Death Day was yesterday, and he’s no better than he was the day his son died. Worse even. He won’t come near me, and I had to start an argument to get him to tuck Alice in at night. Oh, and he thinks she’s insane because of her angel.”

“What do you make of that?”

“I’m not sure.” Mummy sounded tired. “I thought he was a manifestation of Alice’s mourning for David.”

“That’s very technical.”

“Next you’re going to say I’ve been reading too many psychology books again.”

“No, not exactly. I was going to ask if you had considered whether she was seeing a real angel, or a ghost.” Alice could hear the smile in Lizzy’s voice.

“You forgot death.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your list, you forgot death.”

“Add him if you like. Did she say he wore a long black cloak, and had bony fingers?”

Mummy laughed. “No. He was dressed in black though. Made me think of a young Johnny Cash, the way she described him.”

“Did he sing to her?”

“Do you take anything seriously?”

“I try not to.”

“Thank you, Lizzy.”

“What for?”

“For two cups of wonderful tea and an opportunity to vent about my git of a husband.”

“Give him a little more time. The two of you will be right as rain.”

“We’ll see.” Mummy pushed back in her chair, and into the view of the doorway Alice had from the stairs. She got up and descended the last steps, and went to the kitchen.

“You, my darling, must be psychic. How do you always know when it’s time to go?”

Alice shrugged, and linked her hand with her mother’s.

“What do you want for tea?” Mummy asked.

“Sausages?”

“Could do… Bangers and mash?”

“Yeah!” Alice bounced on the spot a couple of times.

“Thanks again,” Mummy said, and hugged Lizzy with her free arm.

“Did you want me to talk to him?”

“No – I’ll give him a little more time. See if he works it out without any more trauma.”

“See you tomorrow?”

“Mmm. Bye.”

Alice and Mummy walked down the path to their house and up to the front door.

“Runner beans or broccoli?” Mummy asked.

“Can we have both?”

“Definitely.”