That Elusive Cure 23

 

The hangover was catching up on me. I needed my session in the machine. How long before that git of a man managed to fix the damage he’d done – would he ever be able to? I lay on the sofa, one arm across my face. This was not how things were supposed to happen. A big part of me wanted Jimmy to stay away and never come home. What an idiot.

 

The doorbell went and I lifted my arm. What now?

 

Cass didn’t wait for me to get to the door and let herself in. “Mum, hello Mum? I’m here!”

 

I’d forgotten she was coming. “I’m in the living room, Cass,” I called out. My tummy was a mess and now I wasn’t sure if that was the chemo catching up to me or punishment for drinking too much. What I needed was my anti-sickness pills, and probably sooner rather than later.

 

“Oh Mum, you look awful.” Cass put down a carrier bag and came over to the sofa to give me a hug.

 

As soon as her hands touched me, the tears came. I grabbed onto her tightly as the tears grew to sobs.

 

“Mum, what’s wrong?” Cass held me tighter as I cried for the loss of my miracle. I cried for the loss of my life and for the cruel snatching away of a future I’d long ago given up on. In the last days I’d allowed myself just the beginning of a dream that I might grow old with Jimmy. But I couldn’t tell her that. I let the tears flow.

 

“Mum, tell me what’s wrong.” Cass pulled away from me and grabbed a tissue for me.

 

I wiped my face and blew my nose. “Don’t worry about me. I’m just feeling bad because I had chemo a couple of days ago.” Chemo, the universal excuse for anything at any time.

 

“How’d that go? Last one for a while, right? You must be relieved.” She rubbed my arm, her eyes glassy as she also fought with her emotions

 

Tears welled up again, and I dabbed my eyes with the tissue. I nodded. “I guess so,” I said.

 

“You need a good cup of tea. Stay there.” Cass left me on the sofa to wallow in my misery. I heard the kettle roar into life and wondered what I’d done to end up with such a wonderful daughter.

 

“Here.” She was back with two mugs of steaming tea along with some plates. “I promised cake, and I never you let you down there, do I?” Cass put the teas down and rummaged around in the carrier bag pulling out a small carrot cake. “I even got the organic one.” She cut a couple of slices and handed me one. “It’s good, isn’t it? There’s a bakery near me that’s started to stock all kinds of organic things. I can get you bread, buns and cakes. Just let me know if you want anything and I’ll bring it.” She sat down on the sofa next to me.

 

I took a mouthful of the cake, my stomach doing a little roll. Somehow I gave her a smile and muttered, “Yum.”

 

“Where’s Dad?” Cass was halfway through her cake already. I’d managed two tiny bites.

 

“He’s out looking for parts for something.”

 

“What’s he up to now? Has he got some new project up his sleeve?”

 

Despite her cheery demeanour, I almost burst into tears again.

 

“He’s always got something new to fiddle with, doesn’t he.”

 

Cass nodded and put her empty plate on a side table. “Look Mum, I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’ve got some news for you.”

 

Suddenly she looked nervous, fiddling with her fingers and avoiding eye contact. I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure how much more ‘news’ and other people’s problems I could take.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

She blurted the words out, “Mum, I’m pregnant.”

 

I almost dropped my plate. “You’re what?”

 

“Pregnant, Mum.” She glanced at me and then looked away quickly. I could see desperation in her eyes, a desperate need to be accepted.

 

“How… how far along?” I stuttered my words out. I think I might have been going into shock.

 

“About ten weeks. We’re not sure. We’re waiting for the scan to confirm. It wasn’t exactly planned, so we’re not certain when I conceived.”

 

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to process the information. “Oh, Cass. You’re so young.”

 

“I’m the same age you were when you had me,” she replied, her tone defensive. “And don’t go telling me it was different back then. If it was different, it was only in bad ways.”

 

I put a hand on her knee and then leaned over to give her a hug. “Oh sweetie. Congratulations.”

 

That was what she’d needed. It was her turn to cry, and for just a moment I realised what a couple of headcases we were as she sobbed on my shoulder. A smile came to my lips and suddenly I was giggling. This was a good thing, a new life, positive news for once.

 

“I’m going to be a granny!”

 

Cass pulled away and I handed her a tissue.

 

“You’re going to be a mummy.” I smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek. “You’ll be wonderful.”

 

“Thank you, Mum.” The relief in her voice was almost palpable. “I love you, Mum.”

 

“Love you too, sweetie.” I waited as she sipped her tea and tried to compose herself. “What does Jack think of all this?”

 

Her eyes suddenly sparkled. “He’s made up, Mum. He can’t wait for the baby to be born. All he does is talk about his plans for the future.”

 

I nodded, her happiness infectious. A car pulled up outside, and I heard the front door open quietly. That was Jimmy, slinking in.

 

“Dad,” Cass called out. “Dad, come in here.” She glanced at me and flashed me a teary smile. “I’ve got some news for you.”